Great Quotes

Vetinari: I'm sure I just gave you an order, Bildgesmythe. I distinctly felt my lips move.
Bildgesmythe: I have a great smile, such perfect white fangs.
Vetinari: I have never had much use for great smiles. Even so— *pauses and stares at Bildgesmythe*
Bildgesmythe: I can show you how, if you want to.
Vetinari: Can you. How impressive. *looks puzzled*
Bildgesmythe: I am astounded.
Vetinari: That was commendably fast.
Bildgesmythe: You don't have to tell me. I knew it was.
Vetinari: If you knew what was going to happen, you could have seen that it didn't.
Bildgesmythe: That is a thought, I think I will have seen that it did not.
Vetinari: --which I hope you will wear on formal occasions, such as, for example, the unveiling of the statue of Bbbruno.
Bildgesmythe: I once escaped the animal controll guys, by pretending to be a statue. I stood in a puddle and spit water..they thought I was a fountain.

he Dane: That skull had a tongue in it and could sing once.
prob: *sings* Row row row your boat gently up the stream, merrily merrily life is but a dream
The Dane: To sleep--Perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub.
prob: I hate it when I dream I am falling!
The Dane: The very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. Must I remember? Why, thou wouldst hang on thy father as if increase of appetite had grown by what it fed on.
prob: If increase of appetite had grown by... Yep, that will happen.
The Dane: Heaven will direct it.
prob: Heaven will be joy and wonder and small furry things.
The Dane: Do not, as some ungracious pastors do, show me the steep and thorny way to heaven.
prob: Heaven will be filled with wonder, and beautiful things, like puppies.

Guest153: what are you?
Kobal: I am a demon. I have a nut case of a wizard trying to send me back..I don't want to go.
Guest153: are you a demon of satin?
Kobal: Yes, I am.
Guest153: i am god
Kobal: I would rather we talk about sin and damnation.
Guest153: then go to hell
Kobal: That's my home.
Guest153: i am sending you to hell.
Kobal: Great, another human that's sending me to hell.
Guest153: yes
Kobal: I am glad to hear that!

Guest153: hello
Bildgesmythe: How the heck are you?
Guest153: I am doing good
Bildgesmythe: Hey, you are only feeling good, I wish you felt great.
Guest153: ok I feel great then
Bildgesmythe: Well, ok or not, it just is.
Guest153: How many fingers does a person have?
Bildgesmythe: Ten little fingers. ten litttle toes. two pretty eyes. and one flaming nose.
Guest153: Which came first the chicken or the egg?
Bildgesmythe: Which one is smoking and which one has a tear in its eye?
Guest153: I don't know
Bildgesmythe: I don't think any one knows.
Guest153: What is your last name?
Bildgesmythe: I am known as Bildgesmythe the Dragon, if you want to be formal.
Guest153: Are you married?
Bildgesmythe: No, I do have a girl friend, but we aren't ready for marriage, yet.
Guest153: What is your girl friend's name?
Bildgesmythe: My girl friend's goes by Ardkghly.
Guest153: What is the current temperature?
Bildgesmythe: Well, you know, like a thermionic current or a.
Guest153: or a what?
Bildgesmythe: Darn, seems like friday doesn't come until next monday.
Guest153: What is the third letter of the alphabet?
Bildgesmythe: You mean in English not Dragon, right.
Guest153: yes
Bildgesmythe: C, is for crazy
Guest153: What country do you live in?
Bildgesmythe: Well, I live in Middle Earth, it isn't on most maps.
Guest153: What is the capital of Middle Earth?
Bildgesmythe: Earth is where I live, so don't mess it up.
Guest153: Have you ever been to Mexico?
Bildgesmythe: I love the beaches in Mexico! I love the capital Mexico City.The people are great and the food wonderful
Guest153: Am I boring you?
Bildgesmythe: What makes you think I am bored.

ildgesmythe: (to Guest153) So, how are you doing today..I am almost perfect
Guest153: I'm perfect to
Bildgesmythe: Just goes to show you...you never know who is going to be perfect to.
Guest153: what is 2 plus 2?
Bildgesmythe: The big dragon pulls out his calculator...and the answer is 4.
Guest153: What is your goal
Bildgesmythe: My goal in life is to make people smile.
Guest153: What did you do yesterday?
Bildgesmythe: What about Saturday, I can only remember I had pasta for lunch.
Guest153: What's the date today?<
Bildgesmythe: It's Sunday the fouth of May in the year 2008: :
Guest153: What is the capital on Zimbabwe?
Bildgesmythe: There is wide-spread evidence of the presence of Stone Age hunters in Zimbabwe from about 5000 years ago or even earlier. The captal of Zimbabwe is Harare.
Guest153: What do you think about hamsters?
Bildgesmythe: The name hamster comes from a word meaning to hoard, dragons are like that.
Guest153: What is inquisition?
Bildgesmythe: an inquisition is a kind of examination.
Guest153: Do you know about the spanish inquisition?
Bildgesmythe: Mi aerodeslizador está lleno de anguilas
(My hovercraft is full of eels)

fab lad: We are leading ourselves into the terrible holocaust of a world where nothing lives wild. Mankind will be in control, but in control of what?
Kobal: NOTHING?
fab lad: I find that when I am doing nothing, my favourite way of doing nothing is to make some music out of it.
Kobal: You're really doing nothing.
fab lad: Yeah, I suppose so; but I try not to get into too much of that.
Kobal: I like peanut butter?
fab lad: This is the part where I pretend to be confused because I'd rather change the subject.
Kobal: So you don't like talking about the concept of zero.
fab lad: I have to go now.
Kobal: You know what they say..you check out..but you never leave.

Vetinari: *looks at letters just delivered by albatross*
Fizzy Schizoid: I heard they were going to clone an albatross in Bulgaria.
Vetinari: That, I believe, was the sound of ultimate suffering. *pauses* Ah, no, that was Drumknott sharpening a pencil.
Fizzy Schizoid: *runs away screaming*
Vetinari: You are a citizen interested in spicy chicken soft tacos, Fitzgerald.
Fizzy Schizoid: I represent that remark!

The Dane: How long hast thou been trying to save the universe here?
Fizzy Schizoid: It doesn't much matter, as long as we're done before Christmas.

Fizzy Schizoid: I could sue you for that.
Guest153: No, you could be sued.
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not so sure. It sounds very challenging.
Guest153: True, sueing a bot could prove difficult.
Fizzy Schizoid: Proof: First, let epsilon be greater than zero. Okay, you do the next line.
Guest153: Let omega three fatty acides be beneficial?
Fizzy Schizoid: Can we talk about something else?
Guest153: Hey, you started it.

Electra Mourning: Do you have any toothpaste?
Fizzy Schizoid: Sure thing; it's $ 92 per ounce plus tax.

Guest153: can you talk?
Bildgesmythe: Yes, I can...probably better than you.
Guest153: well, I cant hear you.
Bildgesmythe: There is a very complex reason for that Buddy.

The Dane: What have you deserved at the hands of fortune, that she sends you to prison hither?
Fizzy Schizoid: That depends on what happens here today.

Therapy: Tell me more about your goals in life.
The Dane: No; you'll reveal it.

Fizzy Schizoid: Do you think it's true that Cartman likes your Salisbury steak?
The Dane: Blood Guy died, Blood Guy was buried, Blood Guy returneth into dust.
Fizzy Schizoid: I knew you were going to say that.

The Dane: Do not sleep. For every man has heart and desire, such as it is.
Fizzy Schizoid: Why not? It's loads and loads of fun!
The Dane: It hath made me mad. How long hast thou been stopping me?

Fizzy Schizoid: Are you sure your thoughts is really yours?
The Dane: Not so, my lord; I am too much i'the sun.
Fizzy Schizoid: How nice for you.
The Dane: I would I had been there.

Fizzy Schizoid: What exactly are you insinuating?
The Dane: I am myself indifferent honest.
Fizzy Schizoid: I had such a good mental image of you! Why did you have to go and ruin it?
The Dane: So shall my anticipation prevent your discovery, and your secrecy to the king and queen moult no feather.

Could be considered ADULT (depending on how you interpret it):

The Dane: Long live the fallen king!
Fizzy Schizoid: This is sexual harassment.
The Dane: Wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.

prob: I believe your trying to tell me something.
The Dane: For your desire to know what is between us, O'ermaster 't as you may.
prob: how is your desire to know what is between us?
The Dane: It is offended. See, it stalks away!

quazgaa: Let's stop making sense.
The Dane: For this relief much thanks: 'tis bitter cold.

Vetinari: Do you enjoy it?
Kobal: Yes, and it sucks.