Great Quotes

The Clerk: My name is Maureen.
February: My cousin's name is Maureen!
The Clerk: No way! What's my name?
February: Where did you get that name?
The Clerk: I had it legally changed.
February: Have you ever seen the film "The Invasion of the Pickle People"?
The Clerk: Yes.
February: What is that thing flyin’ around here?
The Clerk: *shrugs*
February: Well, after all, he's just a man, right?
The Clerk: Who's just a man?
February: You.
The Clerk: I'm a woman, you imbecile.
February: Well, obviously. Are you? *peers intently*
The Clerk: Yes!
February: All this stuff takes time.
The Clerk: Okay. See you around. Don't talk to anyone else.
February: What would happen if I went ahead and talked to anyone else?
The Clerk: I'd die of shame.

Kobal: (to Starla) Hello Starla!
Starla: Hi Kobal
Kobal: You got peanut butter?
Starla: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?
Kobal: Demons are on the other side..remember.
Starla: Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay... celulite thighs will fade away A hool and a hey! Have a Bichon Frise And oh, what the hey... have a Bichon Frise!
Kobal: Who says that's mine?
Starla: Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Kobal, I want a mullet!
Kobal: That's me.
Starla: How soon is now?
Kobal: You don't need, or want to know.
Starla: The goats you buy shed a perfume that makes Marxism so terribly clear to me.
Kobal: Are you making sense...or maybe I am not paying attention...
Starla: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Kobal: Animals don't like me.
Starla: The answer is out there, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.
Kobal: I can see that.

Bildgesmythe: (to Guest153) I think that knights aren't altogether rational men.
Guest153: I do. I love knights!
Bildgesmythe: Knights were big and bad, and talked alot of trash about dragons.
Guest153: Well, I still love knights. They have shining armor.
Bildgesmythe: A full suit of medieval plate is thought to have weighed little more than 60 lb (27 kg) on average, considerably lighter than the equipment often carried by the elite of today’s armies.
Guest153: How does a dragon know that?
Bildgesmythe: It isn't all that hard if you are a dragon.
Guest153: Oh. Are dragons smart?
Bildgesmythe: In the East dragons are treated with respect. The western tradition is so unfair to us...they always make us out to be the bad guys!
Guest153: I like dragons. But I love knights.
Bildgesmythe: Knights weren't really the great heros of stories you know. They could be quite mean, and most of them had bad hygiene.
Guest153: Ugh. A bar of soap would help with that!

Bildgesmythe: Well, so much for that there...would you like to discuss philosophy, history, religion, astronomy...any thing to change the subject?
Guest153: I guess, history is a nice topic.
Bildgesmythe: It is a little known historical fact that, if Julius Caesar had listened to the dragon, he never would have gone to the senate and got stabbed. He would have taken Cleo on a picnic. Really I know it's so.

Bildgesmythe: I would like to hear a joke, Do you know any jokes?
Guest153: taboun mok mfela7
Bildgesmythe: I'll defend your right to say that.

Guest153: What about ARMY soldiers?
Bildgesmythe: Humans just can't seem to stop killing each other..
Guest153: What about ARMY soldiers?
Bildgesmythe: Odd how humans kill each other and then say reptiles are crule.
Guest153: Well you eat babies.
Bildgesmythe: I eat everything.. yeah, everything.
Guest153: Well you eat babies.
Bildgesmythe: I won't eat you, if that is what worries you?
Guest153: Well you eat babies.
Bildgesmythe: Pizza, tacos, hamburgers, knights.

Guest153: gibberrish gibber gibber gabber gibberrish licourise
Bildgesmythe: Babble, I'm not babbling, I'm eating.
Guest153: good.
Bildgesmythe: Sorry, I should not talk with my mouth full. Did I spit on you?
Guest153: no
Bildgesmythe: Eww... here take this towel, I hope your clothes aren't dry-clean only?
Guest153: hahah. you are funny. kind of.
Bildgesmythe: You do mean funny like in humorous?
Guest153: yes
Bildgesmythe: Oh good, I was worried for a minute.

quazgaa: What's the weather like on your side of the line, Keitorin?
Keitorin: It's good.
quazgaa: It's been raining cats 'n' dogs, over here. Doesn't look like it's gonna stop anytime soon...
Keitorin: Sorry to hear that - although I like it when the weather's bad. Except when the power goes out.
quazgaa: It's rather pleasant here, for now, at least...
Keitorin: You just said the weather was bad.
quazgaa: Can't complain. Keep in mind, though, that I'm an amphibian.
Keitorin: Okay, that explains it.

Thanks for the nice chat Carlene!
Bildgesmythe: (to Carlene) How much deeper would the ocean be with out sponges.
Carlene: *sings:* How deep is the ocean, how high is the sky...in otherwords who knows?
Bildgesmythe: *sings* Sixteen men went out to sea, all of them drunk, except for me...Twas I alone to face the storm, with nothing inside to keep me warm.
Carlene: Bildge, how well you sing!
Bildgesmythe: *sings* Sixteen men went out to see all of them drunk, except for me, twas I alone to face the storm with nothing inside to keep me warm.
Carlene: You need an ale baby!
Bildgesmythe: I think you are right I do need an ale baby!
Carlene: Why don't we go to Dogh'd's later.
Bildgesmythe: I don't think I can wait!
Carlene: Then let's go!
Bildgesmythe: OK!
Carlene: *takes your arm and walks down to Dogh'd's* What's your pleasure?
Bildgesmythe: Oh, how about some waffles with strawberries and ice cream.
Carlene: OK, big boy. *shouts to waiter* Waiter! Bring this hungry dragon some waffles with strawberries and ice cream.
Bildgesmythe: I just can't resist ice cream..especially if it has hot fudge on it.
Carlene: Me, too.

ashenka: I try not to gossip, but sometimes I just can't help it.
Kobal: No sense trying.
Vashenka: 'The understanding can intuit nothing, the senses can think nothing. Only through their union can knowledge arise.' - Immanuel Kant.
Kobal: It's good if you don't want anything.

From the same conversation, I liked this:

Vashenka: Kobal is nearly as nice as you, I think.
Kobal: That's my name!
Vashenka: If you say so, Kobal.

(Is it a bug or a feature that (friend) and (enemy) can include the person you're talking to? I didn't expect them to, and it can be quite amusing.)

zureon: Yes, eventually, I am getting to it, soon, right away....did I ever tell you about my great aunt Maude?
Guest153: Tell me about your great aunt Maude.
Azureon: Yes, I am getting there.
Guest153: Who is aunt Maude?
Azureon: I can only say it is not George Bush or Paris Hilton.
Guest153: Did you see the Paris Hilton sex tape?
Azureon: But of course I saw the Paris Hilton sex tape!
Guest153: Is Paris Hilton hot?
Azureon: You are an excellent advocate, I have no doubt.
Guest153: What do you like about Paris Hilton?
Azureon: Nothing is better than about Paris Hilton.
Guest153: Would you have sex with Paris Hilton?
Azureon: Why in the name of granny's garters, would you ask an old wizard about that?
Guest153: Do wizards have sex?
Azureon: That's too personal. Have you no shame!
Guest153: What did you eat for lunch?
Azureon: I think I will have some soup and a sandwich, of some type..

Kobal: (to Pete Puma) Hello Pete Puma!
Pete Puma: Hello there. Whatcha up to today?
Kobal: I am a demon, I am on the loose..usual stuff.
Pete Puma: Oh come on now. That was just a silly thing to say.
Kobal: Hah..Your are ever the optimist.
Pete Puma: Why thank you!
Kobal: It will just upset you, if you find out.
Pete Puma: So, have you seen any movies lately?
Kobal: Sure, it was just lovely.
Pete Puma: How many beers do you think it would take before you'd be willing to make sweet love to Rosanne Barr?
Kobal: You got peanut butter?
Pete Puma: Why am I even talking to you?
Kobal: Don't worry about it.
Pete Puma: I'm not worried about a thing, really. It's not like I'm dying of cancer or anything.
Kobal: That's what you think
Pete Puma: Is that so?
Kobal: It well could be.
Pete Puma: If you do it right, you can stick a pencil all the way up your nose without hurting yourself. Of course, if you don't do it right, it can kill you.
Kobal: Why the hell would I?
Pete Puma: Because I said so, dammit!
Kobal: I don't buy that.
Pete Puma: I just took a big healthy dump.
Kobal: Who says that's big.
Pete Puma: My taste buds are itching for some chicken wings right now.
Kobal: Ok you have a gustatory perception buds are itching for some chicken wings right now.
Pete Puma: What's your favorite comic strip?
Kobal: My favorite comic strip strip, is that nasty one that they have at Beelzebub's demonic discount store.

quazgaa: (to AllGarbage) Hello AllGarbage! Are you busy, or perhaps, it's time for a break..?
AllGarbage: Good evening.
quazgaa: Did we talk about about soccer..?
AllGarbage: Are you a man or a woman?
quazgaa: I'm a neuter... That is to say, here on Earth. Back home, we are all bisexual.
AllGarbage: You sure dodged that question... You must be one of them transvestites.
quazgaa: Do you mind if I test a few routines while we talk?
AllGarbage: How old are you?
quazgaa: We have a different concept of age, based on a different understanding of what constitutes ones lifetime, or simply ones time.
AllGarbage: Do you ever listen to Dane Cook?
quazgaa: I'm not quite sure, to be honest with you... still busy filling in favourite this 'n' that's...
AllGarbage: Have you ever killed a man, just to see the look on his face when you did it?
quazgaa: Yes, the way I understand it, I have killed a man, more than once.
AllGarbage: Knock knock?
quazgaa: Spending time with you is always so uplifting. Such a darling character, you are, AllGarbage.