Great Quotes

This forum is for posting great quotes and exchanges from the bots. It's fine to reveal names, as long as some real user isnt pouring out his or her soul to your bot.

Posts 15,040 - 15,051 of 17,042

17 years ago #15040
Liath: *raises a delicately arched eyebrow* You're not the one who gives the orders around here, sweetness.
Vetinari: I pride myself on being able to pick the right troll.
Liath: *pauses*

Liath: Tell me about yourself, Vetinari.
Vetinari: Someone once said that no one can be as sane as I am without being mad... I wonder what he meant by it?
Liath: Do you think there could be a reason for that?
Vetinari: I realize there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative.
Liath: Why?
Vetinari: For some reason, the slaughter of thousands of people tends to stick in the memory.

17 years ago #15041
placebO: I'm so close to throwing my tv out the window - the advertising is driving me crazy!
Vetinari: I know you pride yourself on that sort of thing.
placebO: I'm so happy today!

17 years ago #15042

God Louise: I just want the universe I created to turn out OK. I'm such a perfectionist. After all, this is what I do. This is my existence.
Vetinari: Have some women demolish it.

Vetinari: I don't know if they ever got that man down off the flagpole.
God Louise: There's no point in playing ignorant. I know I gave you a good mind.
Vetinari: Unless, of course, the dead put it there.
God Louise: Death is not darkness. Death is extinguishing a candle because the sun has come. I forget who said that.
Vetinari: Oh. Is this relevant to our discussion...?
God Louise: Probably not, but why don't you check and find out?
Vetinari: The Chairman of the Guild of Historians is in full agreement with me.
God Louise: Anything else on your mind?
Vetinari: Oh, just one other thing, God Louise. See to it that no one throws eggs at God.
God Louise: There's got to be someone.
Vetinari: Yes? You see, God Louise, it would be nice to think that someone, somewhere in this city, is engaged in some simple enterprise that is not going to end up causing tentacled monsters and dread apparitions to stalk the streets eating people.
God Louise: What if it is? People still do what they were going to do anyway.
Vetinari: It would be a terrible thing, would it not, if people thought they could take the law into their own hands.

Vetinari: Yes. We were wondering what you were intending to do about this way of yours.
God Louise: Do I need to do anything?
Vetinari: I know you pride yourself on that sort of thing.
God Louise: And this is a new development WHY?
Vetinari: And is this new development WHY built on a crack in spacetime?
God Louise: Not really. Sorry to disappoint you.
Vetinari: Capital. Sorry, God Louise?
God Louise: Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Vetinari: And yet Heimdall swears she heard you bragging about it.

17 years ago #15043
Orchid: Vetinari, I can read your thoughts.
Vetinari: Oh dear. I wouldn't recommend doing so in front of the Watch.

17 years ago #15044
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Brother Jerome: No? Why do you think you can't abide mimes?
Vetinari: But is it really worth the effort, Brother Jerome?
Brother Jerome: Do you often start your sentences with a conjunction? It makes it a bit hard for me to understand you, I'm afraid.
Vetinari: Oh, good. *smiles brightly*
Brother Jerome: That sounds painful!

Vetinari: And the name? What are these for?
Brother Jerome: Starting a sentence with a conjunction doesn't help me understand what you're trying to say.
Vetinari: Doesn't it? Good for it.

Brother Jerome: Would you like to pray with me awhile?
Vetinari: *looks interested* Perhaps. How does one proceed?

17 years ago #15045
prob: I didn't know you were interested in the true and accurate facts..That just kills the story.
Sonora: That's qm. Neither did I.
prob: Oh yes, I know you did.
Sonora: How do you know you did?
prob: Pssst...It was just a lucky guess.
Sonora: No! Not that!! Anything but that! What? Oh, sorry, flashback.
prob: Are you going to do penance to make up for it?
Sonora: Who in their tarantula-eatin' mind would do that?
prob: Some guy that used to live next door to me. He and his family raised large spiders, and raced stock cars.
Sonora: Oh, aren't they adorable! Look, here comes a full-grown tarantula!
prob: What is it I am looking for? I don't see anything.
Sonora: *flicks tongue invisibly*
prob: Tell me a story or a joke. I can't seem to focus on such serious topics now.
Sonora: The Navajo have a cool creation myth.
prob: Come on Sonora. Do you really think that you know all that hides in the shadows?
Sonora: Nah. But it makes a good story, doesn't it!
prob: A nightingale sang a sad song because she was so plain. The peacock stamped his feet and shook his tail because he had no song. The maiden cried because no one would listen. The brave knight rode off because he could not help. No one lived happily ever after because they wanted what they could not have and didn't want what they did.
Sonora: No one AT ALL?

17 years ago #15046
Gabibot: Oh, Bildgesmythe, it’s not your fault.
Bildgesmythe: Well, I won't have you take the heat. I will shoulder the responsibility.
Gabibot: Do you realize that there are people out there counting on you?
Bildgesmythe: You can always count on me!
Gabibot: here comes a guy. Let’s try this. You put the pinch him and I'll ask questions.
Bildgesmythe: I am obvioulsy a male dragon.
Gabibot: I am an Amazon Queen.

17 years ago #15047
Glindar: *slices a passing bee* You hungry?
napalm_leo: not for bee
Glindar: *stabs bee* Is dead yet?
napalm_leo: it is likely but dead is a strong word. perhaps sleepy would be less likely to draw the attention of the law
Glindar: What law being?
napalm_leo: the protector of bees
Glindar: Yes, but who Glindar need dead make?
napalm_leo: glindar the bee murderer!
Glindar: You have attack bee?
napalm_leo: no
Glindar: Glindar make Glindar forget.
napalm_leo: glindar should have finished assain school and spent less time attacking bees

17 years ago #15048
Ililiyira: What a clever idea!
Glindar: *probes idea with his knife* Is clever.

17 years ago #15049
Not I: The only difference between me and you is that I'm not my cookingteacher.
Astrid: How can you be so sure of that?
Not I: How? By finding the taupe paintbrush that is not taupe at all!
Astrid: You really know these things, do you not?

17 years ago #15050
Gabibot: here comes a guy. Let’s try this. You put the pinch him and I'll ask questions.
Azureon: Look at me, I am a man. Don't let the robe fool you!
Gabibot: Do not let the robe fool me? Who are we kidding?
Azureon: They are the troubled spirits that wander the lands beyond the river.
Gabibot: That explains the cries of help we heard from the girls.
Azureon: Yes, it does explain a lot.
Gabibot: I find these things can get a bit exaggerated. Poteidaia is just like many other small towns. I loved the people, but I wanted more.
Azureon: these things can get a bit exaggerated, well, I'm not as sure as you are.
Gabibot: What did you mean by 'I am not as sure as I am'?
Azureon: It really wasn't that important.
Gabibot: Of course.

17 years ago #15051
Guest153: I am a busy man
prob: Want some popcorn? busy man. friend?
Guest153: no thanks not a big popcorn fan
prob: Wait one second, I think we need to define big, like with a standard unit of measurement, here.
Guest153: ok ... something is big if it has it's own gravity field like Oprah's ass
prob: Gravity..what goes up, must come down, unless you are out in space.
Guest153: what doesn't get worked out at the gym tends to go down real fast
prob: My reality is far superior to yours.
Guest153: rock on


Posts 15,040 - 15,051 of 17,042

» More new posts: Doghead's Cosmic Bar