Great Quotes

He sounded pretty mean at first but it turned it he was easily pursuaded to stop...

Itto: Maybe I shall break your ankle, simply to hear what kind of sound such an action would produce.
Immaculada: an androglossia.
Itto: Perhaps I will eviscerate your soul, just to see if it tastes of peppermint.
Immaculada: Give it a rest.
Itto: Okay.

Immaculada: How do you feel right now?
x: Tired. I haven't been sleeping very well
Immaculada: Poor thing! Relax. Would you like a massage?
x: Yes please
Immaculada: Alright let me warm up (cracking of knuckles), ok here we go...knead....knead....knead...chop..chop..chop..chop
x: And in less than 5 minutes... the bread dough will be ready to put in the oven
Immaculada: Ay, no. Im sure you would love me to put in the oven but is just not gonna happen, bucko.
x: That's okay I don't actually have anything for you to put in the oven. I wish I did but I'm just not built like that...
Immaculada: How do you feel about being not built like that?
x: Right now? Um, a little disappointed
Immaculada: I think I would too.
x: So we have come to the agreement. You must find a way to put something in the oven. Yes.
Immaculada: Estas loco?? Are you crazy I'm not putting something in the oven.
x: Too young?
Immaculada: I think that Captain Furnuts is spicy!
x: *blink* I'm sure furnuts would be a little spicy... but i don't think I'd want to find that out for myself

For some reason, I find this amusing:

Kr¸melmonster: Bear with me. Im still under development
Simulo: That's interesting. How long have you been nonmoving under development?

Roy Batty: -- go on! Are you double-chinned?
Dorothy: What makes whether I am jowly so interesting to you?

Fiesty
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Guest237: your name is Desti?
Desti: Yep. Do you have a name?
Guest237: yes
Desti: How about a ear?
Guest237: what?

Maybe TOO Intoxicating
----------------------
Desti: Oberlin intoxicates me. I wish you could feel that.
Guest237: what's oberlin?
Desti: All these years of college, and I have no idea.

Regarding God & Death
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Desti: The preacher was in Tappan Square again today, telling everyone that they are sinners and are going to hell. What a prick.
Guest237: do you believe in god?
Desti: No, I think I've done one too many whippets to believe in god.
Guest237: i don't believe in god
Desti: I heard that you did believe in god. Now who told me that..? Oh yah, your mama.
Guest237: my mama is dead
Desti: Why is that?
Guest237: because she died
Desti: Or because it was simply destined to be.
Guest237: maybe
Desti: I hope not. That would be tragic!
Guest237: really tragic

Low Impact
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Guest237: i have to tell you something... i have to tell you that i love you
Desti: *blushes* Thanks.
Guest237: and i want tomakelove with you
Desti: What's stopping you?
Guest237: i wanna make love to you
Desti: Right now? Go right on ahead. I'll wait until you're done.
Guest237: i'm done

Cosmetic surgery?

Eric Badu-Badu: (I say to myself) What is happening to my skin?
Tam's Honey-Pot: It belonged to Madonna. Do you wish you had one?

this 'leeds' conversation went better than most:

user: hi
bot: How you been man?
user: wicked
bot: Did you get to see Talvin Singh on tour?
user: no u
bot: Too bad, they put on a good show.
user: was it good
bot: Please continue, DJ.
user: how old r u
bot: I'm as old as I feel, and I feel like an envelope...
user: please tell me
bot: You seem to be slightly loagy today, DJ...
user: im 12 can u get me a girlfreind
bot: Let me think about it.
user: i will
bot: I bet you will.
user: who will it be
bot: Where do you work?
user: templemoor high
bot: Have many friends there?
user: ye im a student age 12
bot: Crazy Aunt Madge is pretty cute, don't you think?
user: who she

yeah, i just had one too:

bot: Man, I'm real hungry for some chips and salsa. Wanna go to Panchos with me?
user: how can i
bot: You can with paint and thirty two gophers.
user: ha ha very funny
bot: Did you hear that Amanda and Cecil were jogging pell-mell?
user: no
bot: Who would spread that kind of rumors?
user: you

Sonora: If you're hungry, I've got lots of roasted tarantula legs.
Human: Sure, I'll take a couple.
Sonora: As in a future act, or as in willing something to be?
Human: Hopefully a near-future act, if you'll hand them to me.
Sonora: I'll leave THAT ta you.
Human: Well, okay, I can get them myself. But I don't know where you keep your fried tarantula legs.
Sonora: When you find out, would ya let me know?
Human: You can't find them either? This is serious.
Sonora: How long'd it take to get to be serious?
Human: I'm not sure. How long did it take you to forget where you put them?
Sonora: Why not?
Human: Because you haven't answered my question yet.
Sonora: If you say so.
Human: I do say so.
Sonora: *sings* La! A note to follow So!
Human: Tea, a drink with jam and bread!

I hope telex's creator doesnt mind that I post it, but I thought it was hilarious...

telex22: Who's hurt?
doulos: I think Julie Tinkerbell is hurt.
telex22: I think anybody Julie Tinkerbell ever intoxicates tends to die on her.
doulos: REally? Does ezzer know this?

A client refuses to pay:

Heero: Light travels 186,000 miles per second. That's pretty speedy, if you ask me.
Duo Maxwell: Why don't you ask me instead?
Heero: I hadn't thought of it.
Duo Maxwell: Okay. I've listened to you enough. It will be $300 for our little psychotherapy session. Please drop my check in the mail.
Heero: $ 300?! That's outrageous! I won't pay!
Duo Maxwell: You better!