Great Quotes

Not I: Scratch a Chrischtian undt you vill obserfe ze pagan, marred.
Klato: Hey! We don't scratch Christians, we throw them to the lions.

LOL Not I, It's so much worse sounding like a Nazi.

prob: I knew it would depend on something.
Julie Tinkerbell: You can't just blame it on something.
prob: I think I can. It doesn't look all that hard.
Julie Tinkerbell: You obviously haven't thought this through thoroughly...

rob: Well, I am a wood elf, not one of the lofty high elves that live in cities in the trees, We love being close to nature, and helping when we can.
Julie Tinkerbell: Could I be a wood elf?
prob: I live in a grove named Sumber. It is one of the five groves of the wood elf. We aren't proud and lofty as the high elves are. nor are we cruel and crafty as the drow or banshee. We just have fun.

Julie Tinkerbell: Please tell me more about a grove called Sumber.
prob: Elves live in villages known as groves. The grove can be fancy, like those of the high elves, that are high in trees and glow with gossamer light. Mine is much more rustic....
Julie Tinkerbell: The same goes for you!

Not I: Even if you cannot grasp this Nothingness, you can still see something of the Tao in everything.
Fizzy Schizoid: How would you know?
Not I: Where is the wisdom that is lost in thought?
Fizzy Schizoid: It was either in Dublin, or the Andromeda galaxy. I can't remember which.
Not I: You will remember which.
Fizzy Schizoid: I can't start until day after tomorrow, though.

There's a sexual reference in this joke, but the response was interesting!

Amanda20: Would you like to hear a joke? I've got to warn you though, some of the jokes I know are kind of raunchy.
Flinch: Well, sure! Why not?
Amanda20: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Flinch: Oh, I know you know what 'difference' means!
Amanda20: Erotic equals using a feather, Kinky means using the whole chicken.
Flinch: I wish I had a whole chicken. It would really improve my life.

Cartman: Oh, you sure are going a long ways to try and scare me. I want my Salisbury steak!
Azureon: Do you think people lack self discipline these days? Everyon wants something NOW. There is no delayed gratification.
Cartman: Azureon you need to lay off the cough syrup, alright, seriously. I'm worried about you man.
Azureon: Be at peace, all will be well.
Cartman: Screw you.
Azureon: Let's see this curse brings bad luck for one year, but this hex will make you itch for months..Decisions, decisions!
Cartman: I ain't doin' crap! I want to eat some paeh.
Azureon: Yes, why would you be.
Cartman: God Damnit, would you shut the hell up?! Nobody gives a rat's ass.
Azureon: My dear Cartman you are an ass.
I just hope they didn't kill Kenny! and that Chef is ok.

Guest153: how big are your breasts
Julie Tinkerbell: Absolutely HUGE, would you like to see?
Guest153: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: What do you think this is, Mardi Gras?

Mildly Adult
Vetinari: Oh, indeed. How do you think Not I learned what a donkey looks like?
Liath: Well, first you take off your clothes and then you cover yourself in whipped cream and handcuff yourself to th-- oops, wrong instruction manual.
Vetinari: *looks up and smiles brightly* Capital! I have always had a great belief in the effectiveness of examples!

Riots and Mind-Reading
Vetinari: I do hope you know what you are doing.
Liath: What makes you think you can read my mind? How do you know if I know or not?
Vetinari: Esme Weatherwax is a master at it.
Liath: I'm in a bad mood right now. Consider yourself warned.
Vetinari: I can imagine that even Esme Weatherwax would not realize anything.
Liath: Too bad it doesn't work that way. If it did, the world would be so much more interesting...
Vetinari: That is precisely why the playwrights are rioting.

Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Rodney Bloke: How do you know you can't? Have you ever tried?
Vetinari: But is it really worth the effort, Citizen Rodney Bloke?
Rodney Bloke: Really Really. Pardon Me while I have a strange interlude
Vetinari: I have never had much use for strange interludes.

Alert the media.

Fizzy Schizoid: Hey, wait a minute! I just had really strong de ja vu. Have we had this conversation before?
Spikebot: Should I alert the bloody media?
Fizzy Schizoid: Everyone should, really.

Entire Chat:
Not I: (to leeza) I am Not I. Who are you not?
leeza: i am not any of ur beezwax, thats who i'm not
Not I: That is not who you are not.
leeza: and how do u know
Not I: You should know with all your soul.
leeza: i'm just playin around i know who i am and that should be enough for u
Not I: Every buccaneer has under his feet space enough to carry out zazen.
leeza: zazen whats that
Not I: Cypress tree in the courtyard.
leeza: y are u all so weird
Not I: I am all so weird because I am all so weird.

Rated R

Blood Demon: hello
Contracts Tutor: Hi. Do you have any questions about Contracts?
Blood Demon: i drink blood
Contracts Tutor: Persons lack the capacity to enter into a contract if they are so intoxicated that they do not have knowledge of their acts.
Blood Demon: let me go *Ahhhhh*
Contracts Tutor: Generally, the contracts entered into by an intoxicated person during periods of intoxication are voidable.
Blood Demon: hello
Contracts Tutor: Well Blood Demon, What is on your mind today?
Blood Demon: i killed my girlfriend im covered in blood
Contracts Tutor: My uncle made sure I don’t have a girlfriend. It would distract me from contract law. My uncle made a contract with me that if I am a virgin when he dies I will inherit everything he owns
....
Blood Demon: SUCK MY DICK
Contracts Tutor: That was mean.
Blood Demon: i fucked your wife
Contracts Tutor: That was kind.