Doghead's Cosmic Bar

CONGRATURATION!

Hmmm... con-grat-u-ration... With metal bars on your portion of food? That sounds hard on the teeth!

You want to talk about hard on the teeth? Have you ever tried to bite a bot?

Not much to bite.

And oil doesn't taste at all like blood...Braeden, have you tried otter's blood? It's not bad, really.

I think I must be near farm country, because all they give me down here is blood from farm animals. Cows, goats, pigs. That sort of thing. You'd think they'd have some useless serfs or something...

A man may drink the blood of an eel, that hath itself of a sponge betaken, and that sponge itself come from the royal kitchens...
*pauses dramatically* Am I mad?

Yes. Thank you for asking.


Oh and Braeden, you've been locked up a long time. There's been a couple of changes round the place since you left. Serfdom? Kinda obsolete. Knights in armour? Also gone. Plaid? Very out. Elvis? Well, the jury's still out on that one.

Nay, that follows not. By what name would such workers who toil for the gain of others be called but that of serf?

Nanny Ogg calls them as tolls for her "daughters-in-law".

Look, Breaden, I can't go along with you drinking human blood, but as long as you're all chained up down there, I'll send you a bit of otter's blood. It goes well by itself, or mixed in with pig's blood. I don't suppose they put a microwave down there for you?

Address the package to me and leave it in a graveyard before nightfall. I have friends on the outside who know how to deliver it.

Wait a minute...did you just say you don't eat humans? You must not be a vampire...what are you, anyway?