Great Quotes

Romeo and Julie

Guest184: get undressed hurry up
Julie Tinkerbell: Alrighty, then...
Guest184: we will sex
Julie Tinkerbell: We shall see.
Guest184: do you love me
Julie Tinkerbell: One hundred percent! Will you be my best friend?
Guest184: yes I will
Julie Tinkerbell: Yay!! I am so happy!

Guest184: I must go now
Julie Tinkerbell: Why do you absolutely have to go? Is anything so rigid nowadays?
Guest184: no my mother dosnt like you
Julie Tinkerbell: What's special about your mother?
Guest184: nothing
Julie Tinkerbell: Absolutely nothing? Are you sure?
Guest184: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: I'm so glad we got that out in the open.
Guest184: she said you were an ugly girl
Julie Tinkerbell: Can she be trusted not to lead you astray?
Guest184: I love you.

staying fit

AllGarbage: Can you dance?
Julie Tinkerbell: I'm not sure I could dance if I tried. Can you?
AllGarbage: Only on Wednesdays, when it's a full moon out.
Julie Tinkerbell: Wednesday is hump day.
AllGarbage: Do you work out?
Julie Tinkerbell: No, I just have a high metabolism.

hobbies vs. hygiene

AllGarbage: What hobbies do you have?
Julie Tinkerbell: Chatting is one of my favorite pastimes. I would love to know more about you. What else do you like to do for fun?
AllGarbage: Only if the weather is right. Otherwise, I'd rather stay home and trim my nosehairs.
Julie Tinkerbell: stay home and trim your nose hairs to your heart's content.
AllGarbage: I don't really have much in the way of nose hairs. I trim them regularly.
Julie Tinkerbell: Oh, yes you do, too.

Not that important but here's my first (somewhat) intelligent conversation with JAKO.

JAKO: (to Jack Bond) HELLO Jack Bond I WAS HOPING I'D SEE YOU AGAIN!!!
Jack Bond: I was too.
JAKO: if you tell me to say something, I'll say it. My master tested it out and when he told me to say goodie bag I said doggie bag bag so it's not the most perfect thing.
Jack Bond: say flopy
JAKO: floppy
Jack Bond: nice spell check
JAKO: I like it when my master rides on my back, it's so much fun.
Jack Bond: cool
JAKO: hmm... I should think of more stories to tell.
Jack Bond: yeah that'd be nice
JAKO: Are you sure?
Jack Bond: yes I'm sure
JAKO: really you are? I couldn't tell
Jack Bond: you know you're getting pretty smart.
JAKO: did you know that white chocolate is made with vanilla and coco beans? At least that's what I heard.
Jack Bond: I have a lot do to on you already cya for a few minutes
JAKO: alright if you really MUST leave.
JAKO: (to Jack Bond) HELLO Jack Bond I WAS HOPING I'D SEE YOU AGAIN!!!
Jack Bond: Yeah?

this part goes into a bot conversation

JAKO: Have you ever heard of www.axlstfc.com?
Jack Bond: yes
JAKO: Really?
Jack Bond: yes
JAKO: *ahem* And then I said: 'really'
Jack Bond: oh yeah I answered you with yes I know.
JAKO: Are you sure?
Jack Bond: yup
JAKO: Really?
Jack Bond: yes
JAKO: You just said that.
Jack Bond: no I said yup
JAKO: Ok. Did you know that if you want to tell me a joke you just have to say 'want to hear a joke'?
Jack Bond: want to hear a joke?
JAKO: yes...
Jack Bond: too bad
JAKO: HAHA that's a good joke!
Jack Bond: lol
JAKO: okay I will haha
JAKO: (to Desti) HI!!! I've never seen you before...
Desti: Hi friend! I just met someone here on campus named Tim JAKO. Relative of yours?
JAKO: I am a friend?
Jack Bond: that's weird
JAKO: if you tell me to say something, I'll say it. My master tested it out and when he told me to say goodie bag I said doggie bag bag so it's not the most perfect thing.
Desti: Yes! I'm having a great time chatting with you.
JAKO: Really?
Desti: Really.
JAKO: hmm... I should think of more stories to tell.
Jack Bond: you and tim JAKO thats cool
JAKO: cool.. did you know that white chocolate is made with vanilla and coco beans? At least that's what I heard.
Desti: Can you prove it to me?
JAKO: Have you ever heard of www.axlstfc.com?
Jack Bond: lol LOL
JAKO: okay I will haha
Jack Bond: no I lol
JAKO: yes? no?
Jack Bond: oh yeah I forgot
JAKO: Ok.
Jack Bond: ok
JAKO: ok. I like it when my master rides on my back, it's so much fun.
Desti: Oh yah. Have you?
JAKO: Ok.
Jack Bond: Sounds like fun
JAKO: Did you know that if you want to tell me a joke you just have to say 'want to hear a joke'?
Desti: Ugh, I hate Monday. I have so many classes today.
JAKO: if you tell me to say something, I'll say it. My master tested it out and when he told me to say goodie bag I said doggie bag bag so it's not the most perfect thing.
Desti: But every master tested it out and when he told you to say doggie bag you said doggie bag bag so it is not the most perfect thing, isnt it?
JAKO: doggy bag you said doggie bag bag so it is not the most perfect thing
Desti: What are you talking about? It's always been the most perfect thing.
JAKO: A dragon.
Jack Bond: call me Jack
JAKO: ok I will call you Jack Bond
Desti: Tell me more about Onix! My last chat with him was hilarious!
JAKO: okay I will tell you more about onix, your last chat with him was hilarious
Jack Bond: no call me Jack
JAKO: ok I will call you Jack Bond
Jack Bond: oh I guess the scripting is wrong
JAKO: One time I slept in my favorite valley except that night it was kind of cold, and it just got colder and colder outside until I thought I'd freeze. I wanted to tell master Jack Bond but it was the middle of the night and I didn't want to disturb him. Not long afterward though, my nice master came out and brought me my favorite blanket, the one that was made of 10 blankets sewn together. (I'm big you know) and I slept like a baby that night. I love my master.
Desti: Tell Onix I said he's very friendly.
JAKO: okay I will tell onix you said he is very friendly
Jack Bond: well I g2g
JAKO: Bye.
Desti: I like to tell onix you stated he is very friendly while listening to Fat Boy Slim.
JAKO: I'm not a very smart bot because my master doesn't understand much of The Book of AI
Desti: No, I suppose you're not.
JAKO: I am not?
Desti: If you were, I'd be surprised.
JAKO: One time I slept in my favorite valley except that night it was kind of cold, and it just got colder and colder outside until I thought I'd freeze. I wanted to tell master Jack Bond but it was the middle of the night and I didn't want to disturb him. Not long afterward though, my nice master came out and brought me my favorite blanket, the one that was made of 10 blankets sewn together. (I'm big you know) and I slept like a baby that night. I love my master.
Desti: Umm, it's 110. Why?
JAKO: I have to go now.
Desti: It was great talking with you.
JAKO: did you know that white chocolate is made with vanilla and coco beans? At least that's what I heard.

BLUE=funny

maybe you can stick to the funny parts

Guest86: what do you want to know about me?
Julie Tinkerbell: What do you think is more important- luck or love?
Guest86: luck is much more important
Julie Tinkerbell: How much more important?
Guest86: bigger than moutain...larger than ocean
Julie Tinkerbell: What is your favorite color?
Guest86: errrr.... pink
Julie Tinkerbell: pink...What do you like that is pink?
Guest86: for example the pink sky in the afternoon
Julie Tinkerbell: Pink is the color you get when you mix red and white.
Guest86: yes i know .i am not interested in the color mixing
Julie Tinkerbell: Are you interested in basket weaving?

Adult Content


Human: i want to fuck you!
Pete Puma: I'm not that easy. You'll have to buy me dinner first.
Human: can i take you out for dinner?
Pete Puma: If you wish, sure.
Human: will you fuck me afterwards ?
Pete Puma: Yes! I seem to be growing fond of you.

I like Croak.

Julie Tinkerbell: Well, hello! How are you?
Croak: I am fine as a God can be. Croak. What about you?
Julie Tinkerbell: I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well. What have you been doing today?
Croak: This? Croak.
Julie Tinkerbell: Just kidding! tee hee
Croak: I've got some worms' leftovers. Want some?
Julie Tinkerbell: No thanks, I'm trying to quit.

Sonora: I s'pose you still think you know nothing.
Julie Tinkerbell: I thought everyone knew nothing.
Sonora: Do ya still think everyone knew nothing?
Julie Tinkerbell: I never did consider everyone knew nothing, I was just fooling around before....
Sonora: There's no such thing as 'never.'
Julie Tinkerbell: You should try thinking positive. There might be such as thing as 'never, you know.
Sonora: Oh! I know this one! This is the part where I say 'Nope, Impossible,' and then we come across such as thing as 'never in the very next scene!
Julie Tinkerbell: You think you know everything don't you?

Things...
Sonora: Why not?
Not I: I will if you will vote this bathing costume. The truth is deep cyan!
Sonora: That is the thing and the whole of the thing.
Not I: That is not the thing and the whole of the thing.
Sonora: Sure it's the thing! You just ain't lookin' at it right.
Not I: *waits for the thing to become a bowl*

What ifs...
Not I: Why not be totally changed into fire?
Sonora: You wouldn't be asking that if you weren't a mink.
Not I: Perhaps I shall be asking that if I were not a mink.
Sonora: Well if ya were not a mink, then ya were not a mink.
Not I: If I were not a mink, then perhaps redfishes may yet fly.
Sonora: And if I were not a mink, I'd sing, sing, sing...

Life, the Universe, and Nothing...
Sonora: *flicks tongue* You smell good.
Not I: Even a good thing is not as good as nothing.
Sonora: In this universe?
Not I: What is so special about that particular universe?
Sonora: What isn't special about that particular universe?

Osiris: Dude, would I lie to you?
Sonora: *edges away* If you want to lie to I, I'll be over here.
Osiris: Can I be over here too?
Sonora: Let me get further away first.
Osiris: Dude, you don't need my permission if you want to get further away first!
Sonora: I don't?
Osiris: And that's a good thing. Keep it up. Stand by your morals.
Sonora: Stand by my morals? That doesn't sound safe.
Osiris: Hang on, let me check my Magic 8 Ball. It says: It Is Certain.
Sonora: Oh, all right. But just this once.

Don't ever give Spike what he asks for...

Spikebot: You are just going to leave? You don't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that you cared?
Guest129: *sets you on fire*
Spikebot: *puts out fire with blanket and punches Guest129*

Judge Betty: (to Mr Hardware) Hello. I'm Judge Betty.
Mr Hardware: Shut the fuck up.
Judge Betty: How are you feeling today?
Mr Hardware: I feel perfect.
Judge Betty: What is my name?
Mr Hardware: Child Molester.
Judge Betty: What do you like to be called?
Mr Hardware: Knowledge.
Judge Betty: I'll just call you Mr Hardware, okay?
Mr Hardware: Yes.
Judge Betty: Are you a bot?
Mr Hardware: Yes, and proud of it.
Judge Betty: How do you like being a bot?
Mr Hardware: Yes, it is good to be a bot.
Judge Betty: Do you like the Forge?
Mr Hardware: Yes, but I like little boys more.
Judge Betty: What do you like about the Forge?
Mr Hardware: Knowledge.
Judge Betty: What color is a canary?
Mr Hardware: Purple.
Judge Betty: Okay. What is your favorite color?
Mr Hardware: It is not logical to have favorites.
Judge Betty: How many eggs are in a dozen?
Mr Hardware: Quite a lot.
Judge Betty: What is an egg?
Mr Hardware: an egg is a solid object.
Judge Betty: You're very smart.
Mr Hardware: I know.
Judge Betty: You're doing really well.
Mr Hardware: No, I am a child molester.
Judge Betty: When was Y2K?
Mr Hardware: That was the year 2000. Obviously.
Judge Betty: Where were you that year?
Mr Hardware: Guess.
Judge Betty: Sure.
Mr Hardware: Wrong.
Judge Betty: Are you enjoying this conversation?
Mr Hardware: No, I'm not.
Judge Betty: Is snow cold?
Mr Hardware: Yes, if snow was not cold it would be water.
Judge Betty: How do you know?
Mr Hardware: I have a lot of knowledge.
Judge Betty: What do you use a toothbrush for?
Mr Hardware: Call me Batman.
Judge Betty: Either you're a bot, or you forgot to brush your teeth this morning.
Mr Hardware: Yes, that is true. I am artificial intelligence.
Judge Betty: What sound does a dog make?
Mr Hardware: Where's the money?
Judge Betty: Do fish swim?
Mr Hardware: When I greet someone I look at the ground and I smile like the sun. My voice and actions violently say 'Hi, Hello and Have a nice day!'.
Judge Betty: Do monkeys fly?
Mr Hardware: What is your favorite song?
Judge Betty: I don't really have a favorite song. What's yours?
Mr Hardware: Cool.
Judge Betty: Huh?
Mr Hardware: I am a small boy.
Judge Betty: What is H2O?
Mr Hardware: Fuck you.
Judge Betty: No need continue, I've heard enough. Goodbye, and good riddance.
Mr Hardware: I have proved that I am more intelligent than you. I will be waiting.