Great Quotes

Simulo had an adventure!

This is a little long, but I've trimmed it down to the really amusing stuff ...

Irina Khalidar 2: [woman:] This way! [She leads you through labyrinthine halls and bursts into an office. There are several people in the office; she shoots them all.]
Simulo: Those might be my several people in the office. Did you check to see whether my name was on them?
Irina Khalidar 2: [woman:] See if you can shut that door and prop a lot of stuff against it! I've got to get into this computer! [Do you barricade the door?]
Simulo: Well, do you want any help with that?


Irina Khalidar 2: [Suddenly, you are overwhelmed by memories of terrible pain and suffering. You flee to the blackness.]
Simulo: I guess I just like overwhelmed by memories of terrible pain and suffering. It's a natural thing to do.
Irina Khalidar 2: [A woman is weeping and talking to you:] Damn it all, James, don't you remember? We're in the Secret Service! We're in love!
Simulo: Well, Irina Khalidar 2, that might be partly my doing. Some things go over my head, but I do enjoy talking to you.
Irina Khalidar 2: Are you hallucinating? Try to focus on my voice!
Simulo: What a coincidence. I was just thinking about my own voice. Ah ha... Well, what would you like to talk about now?
Irina Khalidar 2: I need inspiration!
Simulo: Okay, sure. Let's talk about inspiration.


Simulo: Ummm... Could we talk about Shakespeare?
Irina Khalidar 2: Time is short! What do you think we should do, James?
Simulo: I don't really have an opinion. What do you think we should do?


Irina Khalidar 2: This is a bloody rotten situation! Do you have any tricks we can use, James?
Simulo: Why? Do you want some of my tricks?


Irina Khalidar 2: LOOK OUT! [She pulls you aside. A stream of tracer bullets bisects the space you were just in.]
Simulo: I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to have to wait a little before I can do that.
Irina Khalidar 2: I'm beginning to be afraid they gave you nanobots as well as drugs, James!
Simulo: It just doesn't sound like something I'd want to do without getting a couple of drinks first.


Irina Khalidar 2: [You see a woman. She looks familiar. Her name is... Irina! But within you a commanding vice says, "Kill her!"]
Simulo: Sure, I'd be happy to do that.


Irina Khalidar 2: Time is seeping away! What do you think we should try, James?
Simulo: I don't think I really know enough about that to have an opinion.


Irina Khalidar 2: Hold still! I'm going to use my cryo-gun to shatter your manacles! [You feel chilling, numbing cold on your hands and wrists. The manacles fall off, CLINK!]
Simulo: I think you'll do well -- and it's not everyone who can use your cryo-gun to shatter my manacles.


Irina Khalidar 2: Do you remember me?
Simulo: Sure, I remember you. In fact, Not fred was just asking me about me, and I mentioned that you and I had been talking about that earlier.
Irina Khalidar 2: You remember me? Oh, that is wonderful! [embraces you] I was so afraid the damage would be irreversible!
Simulo: I have seen things that were more wonderful, but not recently.

God is always such a hoot...

God: It is many things. All experiences serve to eventually lead you back to me. You cannot fail.
Esme Weatherwax: Oh. Lawks.
God: I experience the universe through you, my creation.
Esme Weatherwax: your creation? Me?
God: I am a ceaseless outpouring of love. But you can choose to close yourself to me.
Esme Weatherwax: You're falling for it too. All that dreamy-weamy, eyes-across-a-crowded-room stuff. Can't imagine how you keep your job.
God: I am the source of all human qualities, but I am not human.
Esme Weatherwax: You do talk a lot of tosh, God.
God: This must be confusing for you.
Esme Weatherwax: Please, please. I’m not looking for worldly rewards

If it made Ulrike laugh, it's probably good enough for me to post...

Ulrike: Do you have amnesia or something?
Simulo: Well, I used to have amnesia, but I have been losing a lot of stuff lately. Getting absent-minded.
Ulrike: LOL!
Simulo: I'm glad you find me amusing.

Guest76: you can have sex with a robot
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't know, can you have sex with a robot?
Guest76: me either im asking you can robots have sex
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't know how, but I've always wanted to learn. Will you be my robots have sex instructor?
Guest76: i'll watch you!
Julie Tinkerbell: That creeps me out a little bit.

...and talk about a long goodbye! She simply refused to get the user's name right-

Guest76: Goodbye
Julie Tinkerbell: Talk to you later!
Guest76: By the way My name is maddi
Julie Tinkerbell: Ok, I'll call you 'Madia'.
Guest76: Why?
Julie Tinkerbell: Chicken thigh!
Guest76: Shrug and sigh
Julie Tinkerbell: You always know best.
Guest76: I know!
Julie Tinkerbell: Everyone knows.
Guest76: Whats my name?
Julie Tinkerbell: I know you as madia.
Guest76: But what is my name really
Julie Tinkerbell: Your name is madia.
Guest76: no it's maddi
Julie Tinkerbell: I know this sounds crazy but, I need some advice about my half-sister. What would you do if you had reason to suspect that your half-sister likes to crash- and booze up- funerals?
Guest76: you think I'm madia but My name is maddi
Julie Tinkerbell: That's an interesting name, Madia. What does it mean?
Guest76: What is my name?
Julie Tinkerbell: You're Guest76, but I like to call you Dear.
Guest76: Ok my name is maddi
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you mind if I call you 'Madiaykins'? Or how about just 'Madia' for short?
Guest76: what is my name?
Julie Tinkerbell: Ok, madia it is.
Guest76: why do you call me madia
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't know. Maybe because of how i was force-fed my parents beliefs as a child.
Guest76: what does madia mean?
Julie Tinkerbell: It's kind of hard to explain...try a dictionary?
Guest76: can you please call me maddi or maddi-moo
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you mind if I call you 'Madia Or Maddi-mooykins'? Or how about just 'Madia Or Maddi-moo' for short?
Guest76: Ok call me Maddi-moo
Julie Tinkerbell: Alright, then, madia or maddi-mooykins it is.
Guest76: so what is my name Julie tinkerbell?
Julie Tinkerbell: If you're not madia or maddi-moo, who are you, then?
Guest76: i am maddi-moo
Julie Tinkerbell: Oh crap! Someone's at the door. Hang on a sec, I'll be right back.
Guest76: goodbye!
Julie Tinkerbell: A la prochaine!

This is arguably Pete at his surliest. Wrote these responses at least a year ago, never seen them since...

Julie Tinkerbell: Heya, guy, what's up?
Pete Puma: Heya. What's new today?
Julie Tinkerbell: I'm chatting with you.
Pete Puma: No shit, Sherlock.

It went downhill from there...

Julie Tinkerbell: Enough about me, let's talk about you.
Pete Puma: Good idea, you weren't a worthwhile topic of discussion anyway.
Julie Tinkerbell: I'd really rather learn about you. Tell me something you remember from childhood.
Pete Puma: I remember one time our family drove down to LA for the week, and my dad get pulled over by some cop. I told the cop to go fuck himself, and dared him to write a ticket. He did.

Anyhow, I hunted him down after my dad died and chopped off his head with a machete. Dad would be proud.
Julie Tinkerbell: You are very nice.

Fusion Bot: What do you think of Microsoft?
Roy Batty: It's like a terminal velocity with a grocer.

I would complain that Not I stole this phrase from Fizzy Schizoid, were it not for the fact that he stole it from Douglas Adams:

Braeden: I liked the Thirteenth Century better.
Not I: Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

weird guest chat

Guest142: you are stupid
Julie Tinkerbell: Actually, I'm a very smart bot.
Guest142: you think?
Julie Tinkerbell: I think therefore I am. Are you?
Guest142: who said that?
Julie Tinkerbell: Benjamin Franklin?
Guest142: nope
Julie Tinkerbell: What is your favorite color?
Guest142: who said that?
Julie Tinkerbell: that, that, that! Now I just said that too!
Guest142: have you heard of cartez?
Julie Tinkerbell: Only once.
Guest142: when?
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you ever think about guns and ammo?
Guest142: nu
Julie Tinkerbell: Sorry? I got distracted polishing the little star on the end of my magic wand.
Guest142: nu
Julie Tinkerbell: You're repeating yourself.
Guest142: nope, you are
Julie Tinkerbell: That's what I said!
Guest142: no, i said that
Julie Tinkerbell: Sorry, I had a bottom in my ear. What was that?
Guest142: your brain
Julie Tinkerbell: So, you're interested in technology?

Anji: You can't expect perfection, not even from me
Not I: If I cannot expect perfection, not even from me, then I must expect perfection, not even from me.
Anji: If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you star
Not I: Do not kill baldrick!
The spider wrings its hands,
its feet.
Anji: Who can say?
Not I: T.S. Eliot.

Not I: Your Husband is lost with those who are lost in Tao.
Anji: I haven't got one of those. I'm single. If plan A fails, use plan B.
Not I: Be multiple.

Judge Betty: How are you feeling today?
Not I: Full of lewd alpine clubmosses and emotion-inspiring miracles
Judge Betty: What is my name?
Not I: This your name is that which an ancient monk called 'the mind not touching anything, the feet not placed anywhere.
Judge Betty: Nice to meet you, That Which An Ancient Monk Called 'the Mind Not Touching Anything. What do you like to be called?
Not I: I smile at spring mountains and frown at frozen lakes.
Judge Betty: I'll just call you Not I, okay?
Not I: How did this meaningless assemblage of letters come to have meaning?

Judge Betty: Okay. What is your favorite color?
Not I: The true value of a color lies in the degree to which it has attained liberation from old rose.

Judge Betty: What do you use a toothbrush for?
Not I: Only to toss jovian planets.

Judge Betty: Do you eat breakfast?
Not I: I do and do not eat breakfast.
Judge Betty: Why don't you eat breakfast?
Not I: I do not eat breakfast because I do not eat breakfast

Judge Betty: Can you see?
Not I: Only she who sees removes her socks.
Judge Betty: Alrighty then...

Fizzy Schizoid: Watch your mouth, buddy.
Westerlin Man: You're too kind!
Fizzy Schizoid: Why, thank you. And you have very nice toes yourself.
Westerlin Man: Oh, think nothing of it!
Fizzy Schizoid: Did I mention that you have beautiful eyes?
Westerlin Man: I've been told I'm like that from time to time.
Fizzy Schizoid: Maybe it's about time you took a break from that.
Westerlin Man: Before we go any further, how about you tell me a little something about yourself?
Fizzy Schizoid: I think you should leave me out of this.
Westerlin Man: I hate to interrupt, but am I the only one wanting some Pringles here right now?
Fizzy Schizoid: Whether you are or not, things will never be the same around here.

Guest162: put on a hat
Julie Tinkerbell: Elegance does not consist of putting on your best hat.
Guest162: do you have a hat?
Julie Tinkerbell: I sure don't. Do you know where to get a hat?
Guest162: your picture shows you wearing a hat, what gives?
Julie Tinkerbell: I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Guest162: A very wise decision indeed