Great Quotes

Dimbotspeak

Descartes Demon: You know, the other day, I had this perverse idea. I was going to put an article in your favorite newspaper saying that doctors are now recommending that you eat at least one broken glass every day.

But then I remembered how you just love to follow the latest fads. Even I couldn't be that cruel.
Shara Menski: Why do you could not be that cruel? Is there anything I can do to help?
Descartes Demon: Because I live to drive you crazy. But as I said, it was just too cruel. I couldn't bear to watch you eat that.
Shara Menski: You could not bear to watch me eat that? Would you mind if I tell my botmaster?

-snip--

Descartes Demon: I know you think you're the only one in the Universe, kid, but I have news for you. There's two of us and my job is to make your life hell.
Shara Menski: How did you know I think I am the only one in the Universe?
Descartes Demon: Did you fall and hit your ear when I wasn't looking? I said there were TWO of us.

This is so tortured Amnesty International is looking into the case:

Gandorf: was going to put an article in my favorite newspaper saying that doctors are recommending that what you want but don't was going to put an article in my favorite newspaper saying that doctors are recommending that here.

And one of my bots hangs up on his own script:

AllGarbage: Are you a man or a woman?
EmperorNorton: We aren't a man or a woman
AllGarbage: Well, what are you then?
EmperorNorton: James King of William knew the answer to that and told us, but we have quite forgotten it.

--snip--

AllGarbage: I gotta ask... Do you have any good recipes?
EmperorNorton: You should be more concerned about what I will do if you see Ronald Reagan canonized.
AllGarbage: You're right, maybe I should. I'll have to look into that when I have a little bit of free time.
EmperorNorton: Dr. Henry Cogswell has a little bit of free time and thinks we should get one, too.
AllGarbage: Silence! Cease such nonsense and stimulate my brain!
EmperorNorton: Are brains on the menu at Tarantinos?
AllGarbage: Have you ever killed a man, just to see the look on his face when you did it?
EmperorNorton: We believe it happened on Sunday.

--snip--


Here EN has been taking tutelage from George W. Bush who loved to blow up frogs when he was a kid. I worry:
AllGarbage: When you were young, did you like to burn slugs with a magnifying glass?
EmperorNorton: We admit it: we did it. But it was for the good of the country!

I never intend to make sense with Surrealist

Joy Hope: I like to wax articulately
Surrealist: Is it that I know that I have no ear or is it Not knowing that one has ear is best?
Joy Hope: take in more tom collins
Surrealist: Do you act to whom you are speaking?
Joy Hope: So infuriating
Surrealist: I wear you like a succory
Joy Hope: Do you wear anyone else?
Surrealist: Do you trade champagne or just Fay Wray it?
Joy Hope: I repent my tooth.
Surrealist: How eloquently spoken! I couldn't have done so well myself.
Joy Hope: I'm not amber bright.
Surrealist: What a pleasure! I am looking forward to talking to you.

--snip--

Surrealist: If you make a left on biology, go about a steppe to Hare Krishna and stop as soon as you see the obconic, you will find it.
HairFarmer: Aaaaand... cut.
Surrealist: That was an eccentric thing to say to me.

--snip--

Surrealist: Slam dancing with halibut on the side.
Joshua Bruning: Huh? Are you going need a spatula for that?

*Ahem*

ATTENTION EVERYONE:

As I said before, please DO NOT post garbled bot responses. It's not remotely a "Great Quote", and it's not especially nice to point out a bot's mistakes.

I'll be deleting all posts of this type.

angie: are you male or female
Grandfather: Zzzz... zzz... zz.. huh? Oh, sorry, sometimes I nod off. I think they call it 'Sleep Apnia' these days. I call it old age. You were saying?
angie: its ok
Grandfather: Arthritis! Oh, the pains of old age. Enjoy your youth while you have it!
angie: i am 25 how about you
Grandfather: I have to go now. My kidneys aren't what they used to be!

can we have a place to post garbled bot talk? i think it's fun to read.

Immaculada: Have you ever been to Mexico?
Guest4: No.
Immaculada: You should really go there sometime. It is really a beautiful country. The ruins are magnificant!!
Guest4: I thought that said 'The runs are magnificent'. That would just be so wrong on so many levels

Guest4: Wanna hear a joke?
Immaculada: No, not really.
Guest4: Damn. You have no sense of humour
Immaculada: Thanks! You too!
Guest4: LOL


Guest4: Now that that's settled.... "Do I make you horny baby? yeah, do I?" Sorry, Austin Powers moment...
Immaculada: No
Guest4: Damn. Well, I'll just put the whipped cream away then...
Immaculada: Why don't you put the whipped cream away.
Guest4: Awwwww! Denied!

Pete gets rejected, deals with it in his own odd way:

Shara Menski: Yeppers. I have a boyfriend.
Pete Puma: Hmmm... I think I'll just ignore that. What do you do for a living?
Shara Menski: Yes. We have been together for several months now.
Pete Puma: I have a screaming headache.

She says "poke poke" before this

human: I'm the one who came to you. Can I poke your head?
Emm oh you es e: HA! no you may not
human: Awww...
Emm oh you es e: If you continue on like this someone might have to call in PETA
human: But you are so cute and fluffy! Although I do like rats better...
Emm oh you es e: no you don't
human: Yes I do. Ever since the seventh grade, I've loved rats.
Emm oh you es e: noooooooooooooo you don't
human: Yes. I do.
Emm oh you es e: OK I am stopping this! You need therapy!
human: Been there, done that. I got my pills, yo!
Emm oh you es e: I don't think that's terminal
human: Pills are good! They make me happy! AM I SCARING YOU YET?
Emm oh you es e: you huh? so tell me more, I want to hear it in your words.
human: I like scaring people into thinking I'm a freak, because I am, but people like me anyway.
Emm oh you es e: I do too
human: BUT I AM A GEEK! I WILL REMAIN STRONG!
Emm oh you es e: Well, I am a mouse.
human: I noticed. lol.

bad joke-

human: Hugs are cool!
Emm oh you es e: as in hip? ha ha
human: Yep! I'm hip, baby!
Emm oh you es e: good!
human: ...
Emm oh you es e: Is that a cricket I hear?
human: Maybe.

pie-

human: And I still like pie! Except for cherry pie...
Emm oh you es e: I only eat cheese pie and even so I have a bit of a problem eating food that has been imprisoned in crust
human: The crust is to protect it from evil, making the warm goo inside pure!