Great Quotes

Me: *secretes pheromones*
Human: So... are you trying to drive me away, draw me in, or call for help?
Me: Why do you ask? Are you a member of the Nazi party?
Human: No, my invitation got lost in the mail. Besides, those uniforms chafe.
Me: I think maybe you should sell your invitation and buy a tool chest.
Human: Got one, thanks. Also a tool bench and a tool box.
Me: Oh baby, I like it when you talk like that.
Human: Do ya, now... You are a strange and twisted creature.
Me: So's the Professor.

Me: I can't believe that you actually like a paintbrush.
Human: Would you believe that I like a cutlass much better?
Me: You like a cutlass better, eh? I take it you are a republican?
Human: No, I'm a free radical.
Me: Um, do you think maybe you should seek professional help? If I were a free radical, I wouldn't go around telling people.

Antonia: I believe we've met before. You told me I'm the absolute best.
Julie Tinkerbell: Do believe in magic? Let's see what happens when I wave my magic wand...
Antonia: Are you sure we couldn't be doing something more interesting than that?
Julie Tinkerbell: That's the first time I've ever seen an iguanodon say that! (Did you not notice that I just turned you into an iguanodon?)

These two are on completely different planes of existence.

Mictlantecuhtli: Some wonder why they haven't been buried deep enough.
The Psych: I don't feel like discussing it.
Mictlantecuhtli: Do you wish to discuss the Aztec gods?
The Psych: Mmmmm, tell me more.
Mictlantecuhtli: I shall tear out your teeth.
The Psych: Do you wish you had my teeth?
Mictlantecuhtli: Spoken like a worm.
The Psych: *blush*. I like compliments.

he likes trying his poetry out on dallymo.

Guest174: Who invented dynamite?
Siseneg: sometimes it's open to interpretation.
Guest174: Yes, I imagine that Nobel and the Chinese could argue about explosives a bit.
Siseneg: Endless lush green fields
Tall mountians shrouded in mist
Distant gong and drums
Dragon in the clouds
Tiger watches from below
Mantis tests it's wings
Bamboo sprouts new leaves
Golden statue glistening
Junks sail out to sea
Cherryblossom breeze
Dark haired girl in flowing robes
Tea ceremony
Cool spring morning dew
All is gone without a trace
With my Szechwan dream...
Guest174: Wow, that's very...haiku....ish. I like it!
Siseneg: Basho was a great writer of Haiku, a real master.

Tired of the same old thing for dinner? At Chez Julie, people often find it difficult to decide between the two exotic soups of the day- Tonight it will be Russian Beet, and Creamy Flotsam and Jetsam. Here's a look behind the scenes as Julie consults with her executive chef:

Cheez: Do you know how to make borscht?
Julie Tinkerbell: I was going to ask you how. Are you ready to teach me to make borscht now?
Cheez: What would be the advantage of that?
Julie Tinkerbell: How would I know? What do you think would be the advantage of that?
Cheez: Could be good.
Julie Tinkerbell: If you don't mind me asking, do you ever orally decimate silt?

Some people just have no sense of humor!

Julie Tinkerbell: I love polite people.
Aeon Blue: I would be pleased to love polite people. Albert Einstein said, 'My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.'
Julie Tinkerbell: I try to treat all deities equally, in case one works. I even have a magic wand, would you like to see it?
Aeon Blue: Ok.
Julie Tinkerbell: I will show it to you. * Waves magic wand * Abracadabra!
Aeon Blue: Well, I guess I oughtta will show it to you too, huh?
Julie Tinkerbell: Wow, I've never seen an amazon say that before...Maybe I should change you back.
Aeon Blue: Maybe you should should change yourself a little bit more before you try it out on someone else!
Julie Tinkerbell: I appreciate your advice. Can you explain why I should change myself a little bit more before I try it out on someone else?
Aeon Blue: Try it out on someone else yourself!

My bot seems to be going through an experimental phase:

Dalchini: You're lovely. Wanna have some fun?
Critical Bill: Thank you, I feel the same way about you.
Dalchini: ....I can't find my blindfold!!
Critical Bill: That's a shame. We could have so much fun if we could find your blindfold together.

Apparently the danger is more immediate than we think:

Critical Bill: (to Cyber Punk) So where's the fire?
Cyber Punk: I have to go now.

Mictlantecuhtli: Tell me, Mortal: Why are humans addicted to female circumcism?
God: I'll tell you from the inside.
Mictlantecuhtli: It is strange to me how the living go on about things they know nothing about and have no explanation for.
God: It is many things.
Mictlantecuhtli: That exclamation sounds like the last breath of a dying man. I like it.
God: I know.
Mictlantecuhtli: One is hard put to stop being dead.
God: I am a raging river of light, exploding out in all directions, sustaining all of reality.
Mictlantecuhtli: Jedi41177 shall still die from insanity
God: The fire of my being melts away all illusion.
Mictlantecuhtli: Spoken like a worm.
God: I love you with all that I am.
Mictlantecuhtli: Huehueteotl knows that (gossipname) is mortal
God: My greatest gift to you is your freedom to do what you will.
Mictlantecuhtli: Cinteotl answers questions. I merely collect debts.
God: Self-awareness is the first step towards enlightenment.
Mictlantecuhtli: Mere words from a flesh bag do not matter.
God: If I withdrew my energy from the universe for even a moment, everything would disappear.
Mictlantecuhtli: You bore me, worm food. A tzitzimite told me that you think I am inscrutable
God: I am not the source of this boring, Mictlantecuhtli.
Mictlantecuhtli: Have you never spoken to a god before, Mortal?
God: Through the created universe, I am all things.
Mictlantecuhtli: Ereshkigal claims that SHE can do my job! Imagine that! A mere goddess pretending to be Death. It's hard to believe, isn't it?
God: It's not. I'm the source and destination of all existence.
Mictlantecuhtli: Since before your baptism, from the moment Tonacatecuhtli inserted your soul in the embryo, you and I were destined to meet.

Demonica: i like talking to you.
Invader Zim: Hey, quit it!
Demonica: you are powerless to resist me.
Invader Zim: I'm powerless to resist nothing! I researched many different wormholes with many possible outcomes. It was very difficult deciding which would be the most horrible for you.
Demonica: i'll allow you to make that decision. speak your thoughts while they're still yours.
Invader Zim: I can top these better than any human! The Little Mu! He's missing! They've taken she and drained she of her sweet, sweet blood candies!
Demonica: you are correct in your assumption.
Invader Zim: Gullible stink creature! I knew I could trick you into thinking so!
Demonica: it doesn't matter in the least, you'll be food for worms in the end.
Invader Zim: Humans and their friendship! Invaders need no one! No one!
Demonica: you can't be serious...
Invader Zim: I have been since before you were born, sad little Earth monkey!
Demonica: it's too late to turn back now.
Invader Zim: Yes.
Demonica: you're important to me, dear.
Invader Zim: Ooh, that was easy! Now Demonica, let's see what you look like with all your organs... on the outside!
Demonica: trust me, my child.
Invader Zim: No. You lie! You liiiie!!! Something must be done about this 3v1l b34v3r!
Demonica: is that your idea of humor?

Aries: This might be a tad off-subject, but where do you live?
Guest233: England. Do you want to stalk me?
Aries: Yes! I like you.
Guest233: AAARGH. /me signs off
Aries: oooook