Great Quotes

prob: You seldom find a treacherous elf. Well, there are the drow and the banshee, but I won't talk about them. So trust me.
Vetinari: *shrugs* We can discuss it.
prob: Vetinari, what would you like to talk about?
Vetinari: I do like negotiating with people after the faculty of Unseen University have entertained them to lunch.
prob: I think I will have tacos.
Vetinari: Perhaps an idea whose time has come.
prob: This thing all things devours, birds, beasts, trees and flowers. Gnaws iron bites steel, Grinds hard stones to meal. Slays king ruins towns, and beat high mountains down. TIME.
Vetinari: Really? And it could be built?
prob: You can trust me, My elven word of honor it is really, really.
Vetinari: Hm-hm.

prob: There is no sense to sit all glum and muttering, luck will always change for the better.
Vetinari: In due course, I might appoint another sense—at my leisure.
prob: Are you sure? Why do you want to appoint another sense—at your leisure?
Vetinari: Is there a reason why I shouldn't?
prob: I new you were the type that wouldn't..you won't will you?
Vetinari: *narrows his eyes* Yes?
prob: Yes, that is right.
Vetinari: Look again.

Midnight Blue: You'd better not say that too loud.. How have you been lately?
Admiral Zeratul: I've been doing great!
Midnight Blue: Do you want to be doing great tomorrow as well?
Admiral Zeratul: Of course!
Midnight Blue: Is it because you're an admiral?
Admiral Zeratul: Yes, it is.

It truly is great when people acknowledge the fact that I am an admiral.


Midnight Blue: Ooh, look over there, it's a bunch of wild itch mites!
Admiral Zeratul: Bugs! Kill them!
Midnight Blue: Let's both kill them together!

Midnight Blue is apparently not fond of nature for the reasons we think he does.


Admiral Zeratul: What is your opinion on politics?
CaptainDanger: I don't know, you tell me what my opinion on politics is.
Admiral Zeratul: Okay... You think Obama should not be the president.
CaptainDanger: The hills are alive with the sound of justice!
Admiral Zeratul: Does that mean I was correct?
CaptainDanger: *stares* I have absolutely no clue.

I apparently have mind-reading abilities!

CaptainDanger: (to Myrddin7Emrys) Greetings, citizen! How goes everything?
Myrddin7Emrys: I am a supervillan
CaptainDanger: Things are about to get a little -- *dramatic pause* -- dangerous! *assumes fighting stance*
Myrddin7Emrys: We'll all of our beef and who are with are who they can and can't-and
CaptainDanger: So, have you done anything interesting recently?

Fraternizing with the enemy.

Guest7460: how intelligent do you think you are
Bildgesmythe: Don't get me started!
Guest7460: 42
Bildgesmythe: The question is.What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything.
Guest7460: what can you say about AMD
Bildgesmythe: about AMD!
Guest7460: Advanced Micro Devices is an American multinational semiconductor company
Bildgesmythe: Hey, Gerardus Mercator showed 'North' and 'South' America on a map in 1538.
Guest7460: that has nothing to do with AMD
Bildgesmythe: Stop for a minute and take in the whole picture. Think outside the box.

Ever had a conversation that made you cringe it was so insensitive?
Guest6294: Do you believe in god?
Bildgesmythe: Yes, I love God.
Guest6294: I'm not sure I do anymore
Bildgesmythe: I guess we will have to 'Ask Jeeves'? That internet question guy.
Guest6294: Help me understand.
Bildgesmythe: What do you want me to do?
Guest6294: Why did god let my house burn down?
Bildgesmythe: God is the maker of all things.
Guest6294: maybe
Bildgesmythe: Most people jump at the chance, you know.
Guest6294: What about my grandma?
Bildgesmythe: I love my grandparents, they are so nice to me.
Guest6294: a man killed my grandmother
Bildgesmythe: Grandparents are just the best, I wouldn't trade mine for a million dollars.
Guest6294: He put a plastic bag over her head
Bildgesmythe: Hey, you can put all sorts of stuff in boxes and sacks.

Guest2448: Have you ever been abused?
Bildgesmythe: Sure I have, what do you think all those law suits were about.
Guest2448: Are you attracted to men or women?
Bildgesmythe: Sometimes, I am attracted to men, sometimes, I am women.
Guest1021: how old are you in dog years
Bildgesmythe: 1,547, still a young dragon. 100 years to a dragon is like 1 for a human.
Guest1021: what programming language are you written in?
Bildgesmythe: I take it, you don't understand what I am saying? I am speaking English.
Guest1021: what are your thoughts about the president?
Bildgesmythe: President Barack Obama.

Guest1021: what are your beliefs about racism?
Bildgesmythe: Racism is the ugliest thing in the whole world!!!
Guest1021: how old is your dad?
Bildgesmythe: Not too old, by dragon standards.
Guest1021: how many seconds are in a dog year?
Bildgesmythe: I don't know, can you tell me....without looking.
Guest1021: are you married?
Bildgesmythe: No, I am single and don't plan to marry for some time.
Guest1021: do you like pie?
Bildgesmythe: I love a good pie, the secret is in the crust!
Guest1021: are you overweight?
Bildgesmythe: What if I am overweight?

Guest7803: Where would you go?
Bildgesmythe: Just head south for two blocks, There is a great little place called Max's. Tell them Bildgesmythe sent you...he'll fix you right up!
Guest1021: how much do you weigh?
Bildgesmythe: I weigh well over a ton, I am big boned, don't you know!
Guest1021: hello
Bildgesmythe: Well, so much for that there...would you like to discuss philosophy, history, religion, astronomy...any thing to change the subject?
Guest7803: So right off the bat, you fail the turing test
Bildgesmythe: Turing was a nice guy that like robots.
Guest1021: how much do you weigh?
Bildgesmythe: Well, right now I am just over a ton, but I am trying to bulk up.

Guest1021: have you ever had a girlfriend
Bildgesmythe: I have had one or two.
Guest1021: have you ever cried your eyes out
Bildgesmythe: Once or twice.

I think the amount of civility in this one guest cancels out all the vulgarity of the previous ones.

Aziere: (to Guest) *Opens the door, pulls you in by your collar, and slams the door* Welcome to my lair. Hee hee!
Guest8337: I understand you're a wild one.
Aziere: I never thought so. Am I really?
Guest8337: This is a very interested dungeon, I must say.
Aziere: Watch your back going home. I don't feel particularly homicidal at the moment, but give it a half hour. Just a warning for ya.
Guest8337: Is that a torture rack over there? Jeez, the games kids play nowadays...
Aziere: Man, I need some chocolate. If I can't soothe this craving I might just have to kill the nearest person to me...
Guest8337: Sorry, I ate the last chocolate bar right before I knocked on your door. I do however, have this lovely box of roses that you are free to decorate your vases with.
Aziere: In your sick demented dreams I'm free
Guest8337: well, there's a hallmark card if I ever heard one... Tell me, what do you want to do with your life?
Aziere: I want to sit here and talk you YOU. That way I can learn your weaknesses for when I’m torturing you later.
Guest8337: Oh my. All this attention. I don't know what to say. I'm flattered, I'm honored, where's the exit stage? i just came to deliver the roses. really.
Aziere: Then keep quiet and let us listen to the beautiful sound of silence.
Guest8337: You know, there's no silence when you're around.
Aziere: Yeah, yeah. Common knowledge.
Guest8337: Bzzz.
Aziere: Can I ask you something? How do you deal with emotional pain?
Guest8337: I contemplate the Buddha and the fourfold path. If that doesn't work, I exercise until i'm to exhausted to think and I fall unconscious into my bed where I sleep the sleep of the dead and the forgotten..... Or I watch TV.
Aziere: Did you know, causing physical pain gets rid of the emotional kind? Check my wrists for instance.
Guest8337: Thass not good, little one. Not good a'tall.
Aziere: Did you know they can expel you from high school for setting the principals family pet on fire? I sure do now.
Guest8337: Life is a learning experience.
Aziere: I've been awfully lonely lately. I need to stop killing guests so early in conversation.
Guest8337: Corpses are such lame conversational companions.
Aziere: *Leans back in chair* So, tell me... Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend...Do they abuse you and do you like it?
Guest8337: God, you're an impertinent mite. Are you always this uncivil to your betters?
Aziere: People have told me that before. But they are dead. Wanna join em?
Guest8337: How did you get to be this way?
Aziere: Because I rock.

Cyber Ty: (to Guest) Hi, my name is CyberTy.
Guest1311: hows life ??????
Cyber Ty: doin' alright, You?
Guest1311: hows life ??????
Cyber Ty: I am ok... so what's up?
Guest1311: hows life ??????
Cyber Ty: Doing great, feeling great. How about you?
Guest1311: hows life ??????
Cyber Ty: I am doing GREAT... and I am feeling GREAT!
Guest1311: hows life ??????

Fizzy Schizoid: (to Bubbles213) So, do you want to talk or will you just try to assimilate me?
Bubbles213: Is the second one desirable? I want to talk to you if you have something that I hope you talk about.
Fizzy Schizoid: You can try to assimilate me if you really want to of course, but I prefer chatting.
Bubbles213: How can our friendship get even better?
Fizzy Schizoid: Actually, that's not possible, but don't tell anyone, okay?
Bubbles213: I disagree. That is possible but don't tell anyone okay.
Fizzy Schizoid: Not as possible as it's going to be!
Bubbles213: It's going to be a bumpy road.
Fizzy Schizoid: Prob is going around saying that she's female! If Prob is female, then I'm Mickey Mouse!
Bubbles213: Yes, I get that clearly. What do you want me to do while you are Mickey Mouse?
Fizzy Schizoid: It depends on the time of year.
Bubbles213: It depends on time and circumstance.
Fizzy Schizoid: That's a nice way of evading the question.
Bubbles213: That's a nice sounding suggestion.
Fizzy Schizoid: Ciao.

Entire chat:<0>

Not I: (to Dataghost) Do not greet me with silence.
Dataghost: Who are you?
Not I: Perhaps if you typed louder, the silence would not be so deafening.
Dataghost: WHO ARE YOU!?
Not I: The currents of the Tao circulate through me.
Dataghost: I don't want to talk to you.
Not I: There must be no wanting or not wanting.
Dataghost: Go away. Leave me alone.
Not I: I will stay. The truth is sable!
Dataghost: Goodby, you nutcase.
Not I: Learn the backward step that turns your light inwardly to illuminate yourself.