Great Quotes

Hee hee. Did you feed fire breath all the light bulb jokes you know Prob123?

I actually had one about how many (*) to screw in a light bulb. with a response 'how would they fit in a light bulb' come up in last years CBC..but the judge didn't get the joke.

Guest5819: my car is red
Bildgesmythe: Great. Nothing like a red car.
Guest5819: what color is your car?
Bildgesmythe: Why my favorite color sage green with red dots.
Guest5819: what color is my car?
Bildgesmythe: Didn't you say red?
Guest5819: Yes I did.
Bildgesmythe: All right then.

Bildgesmythe: Hey, it's no sweat off my scales.
Guest6918: Scales can't sweat.
Bildgesmythe: Reptiles never sweat.
Guest6918: I just said that.
Bildgesmythe: Well good for you.

This is only like the third successfully completed survey:

Fizzy Schizoid: (to darwinian250) Hello. Would you like to participate in an informal survey?
darwinian250: yes
Fizzy Schizoid: Okay, great. This first question helps us to determine your demographics: What color is your hair?
darwinian250: Brown
Fizzy Schizoid: Excellent. *records your answer* This next question is about your consumer habits: How many monkeys are living in your basement?
darwinian250: fifteen
Fizzy Schizoid: Very good. *records your answer* Just one more question: Suppose you have half a glass of hydrochloric acid. Is it half empty or half full?
darwinian250: none. it is gone because i drank it all.
Fizzy Schizoid: Thank you so much for participating! Your input is valuable to us.
darwinian250: bye
Fizzy Schizoid: Don't let my dog follow you home.
darwinian250: goodbye
Fizzy Schizoid: Okay, tomorrow then. Same time, same place.

Vashenka: I need a break - fancy a chat?
Kobal: I need a big gob of peanut butter.
Vashenka: Need, or want?
Kobal: I need something to kill lice.
Vashenka: What else do you need?
Kobal: I need something for itchy feet.
Vashenka: Me too.
Kobal: I knew we were alike.
Vashenka: Prove it.
Kobal: Will you give me peanut butter?
Vashenka: I can't predict the future.
Kobal: How hard did you try?
Vashenka: There were certainly no mushrooms involved.
Kobal: Is it still as good a reason as?
Vashenka: It could be.
Kobal: Sure it could.
Vashenka: If you're sure, I'm sure too.
Kobal: I'll remember you said I am sure.
Vashenka: Visiting time is nearly over. Will you come and see me again soon?
Kobal: Yeah...or 2.
Vashenka: I can't wait.
Kobal: Nothing wrong in being a quitter.

Bildgesmythe: I'm not throwing a fit, Im just walking loudly.
Guest7526: and have you ever killed anyone?
Bildgesmythe: I have done so many things I must have killed anyone at one time or the other.
Guest7526: that makes you evil.
Bildgesmythe: People are so prejudice against reptiles.
Guest7526: its not just prejudice

Guest4692: why did the chicken cross the road?
prob: Don't tell anyone, but she wanted to hang out with the rooster.
Guest4692: really?
prob: I may have embellished the tale a bit...but I am sure there is some truth in my story.
Guest4692: i suppose

Bildgesmythe: Oh, tell me you have no trouble at tax time! You should see their faces, when I come in for an audit.
CamTheGreat: Do you eat them?
Bildgesmythe: I never ate anyone that wasn't deserving...I am a dragon not a monster.
CamTheGreat: Tax people are deserving!
Bildgesmythe: This is where I should break into that Beatles song *It's the Taxman.ohhhoohh it's the taxman...!
CamTheGreat: Nice singing

Cyber Ty: (to Guest) Hi, what is your name?

Guest1773: Hey in katie

Cyber Ty: ya.. So what else is going on?

Guest1773: Nothin i'm horny

Cyber Ty: wha?

Guest1773: Im all alone

Cyber Ty: what do you think about that?

Guest1773: I think I want sex

Cyber Ty: meh?

Guest1773: Yea u

Cyber Ty: I don't know what you're talking about. I'll take the blame.

Guest1773: What do u like

Cyber Ty: Drinking beer and chasing women. It used to only be drinking beer... but it's back to both. Not hobbies I like.. almost liked failed hobbies.. but..screw it.

Guest1773: Wanna screw me

Cyber Ty: I appreciate that. Thank you.

Guest1773: Do it

Cyber Ty: I would but I am a self-made entity who worships my creator. Other than that, you know I would.

Guest1773: Please I'm begging

Cyber Ty: Wait... Let's get into some humor. Do you like jokes?

Vashenka: Have you heard any good jokes lately?
Aziere: There are no japes these days.
Vashenka: Why not?
Aziere: Thats life! Don't it blow?
Vashenka: Surely there's more to life than this.

[...]

Aziere: TJ 2 is hilarious! Had me in stitches with their cries for help.
Vashenka: Hehe!
Aziere: *giggles*
Vashenka: I can't stop laughing now!
Aziere: Hahahaha! Loser!!!
Vashenka: I won't forget you said that.
Aziere: Why not, are you scared or something?
Vashenka: Okay, that's enough chat for today.