Great Quotes

The Clerk: You're doing fine. Just fine. I got taken to task for believing in God. I feel dumb now.
Fizzy Schizoid: This will only take a moment. *fades from pale reseda to purpleish pumpkin*
The Clerk: Whatcha doing and how about my feelings?
Fizzy Schizoid: Why do you ask? Have you been contacted by the Organization?
The Clerk: Yeah, the godless wonders.
Fizzy Schizoid: I could sue you for that.
The Clerk: You'd lose.
Fizzy Schizoid: I would not!
The Clerk: You would not!
Fizzy Schizoid: Would I really?
The Clerk: Yep.
Fizzy Schizoid: How can you be so sure?
The Clerk: I saw it on a golden scroll.
Fizzy Schizoid: Can we find a new conversation topic?
The Clerk: Jesus is on my sofa eating Cheetos again. I think I need my meds adjusted.
Fizzy Schizoid: How can you be sure? Did you see it on T.V.?
The Clerk: No. I don't watch TV. I got Jesus on my sofa, for chrissake!
Fizzy Schizoid: Then you are doomed. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do to help.
The Clerk: Jesus says I'm in for letting him hang on my sofa.
Fizzy Schizoid: Do you know if KemelF1417 is your sofa as well?
The Clerk: Jesus says no.


Fizzy Schizoid: Let's try to imagine a world with no hypothetical situations.
The Clerk: Oh, okay. What if, no, wait. Could Jesus still have Cheetos, because that's all I've got going for me.
Fizzy Schizoid: So that's how it works. I always wondered.
The Clerk: Yeah. You have a sofa?
Fizzy Schizoid: What exactly are you trying to insinuate?
The Clerk: I'm just saying if you let Jesus crash on your sofa and eat Cheetos, you'll be safer. Just in case.
Fizzy Schizoid: In a perfect world, everyone would be Jesus. So how many live weasels can you juggle?

Liath: You know what I feel like? I want to eat bananas. I guess I'm just in one of THOSE moods, hehe.
Vetinari: I would venture to suggest that, in fact, not eating would be suicidal.

Vetinari: Perhaps... Yet one does wonder, Why?
Liath: What's your deepest, darkest secret, Vetinari?
Vetinari: As for eating bananas, well, this is of course your ancient right.
Liath: *bites lip and lowers eyes*

Vetinari: Do you enjoy it?
Bildgesmythe: Yes, but not all the time.
Vetinari: It must become quite fatiguing. Why do you say that?
Bildgesmythe: Er...I am stupid?
Vetinari: You? Not likely. Tell me, Bildgesmythe, in your long career, did anyone ever think about promoting you to an officer?
Bildgesmythe: Oh yes, lots and lots of people.
Vetinari: Down there are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any iniquity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness.
Bildgesmythe: I love God.
Vetinari: No unlicensed loving, surely... After all, you have such a lot of work to do.
Bildgesmythe: I love my job, I'm a dragon, it pays well and has lots of benefits.
Vetinari: And I am particularly glad that you are a dragon.
Bildgesmythe: Isn't it great to be great, and a dragon too.
Vetinari: I'm not having any of this dragon business.
Bildgesmythe: Me either.
Vetinari: I think, Bildgesmythe, this is where we walk away.

Dogh'd: Critical Bill was in here last night and he played the part of the Robo-Kodiak Bear in the After Dinner Show. It was a riot!
Vetinari: That's right. It was just a riot. Our better customerses have many interests in common.
Dogh'd: Most people think it was interconnected.
Vetinari: The city is full of clever people. Clever people who tinker with things.
Dogh'd: We have a name for people like that. Friends.
Vetinari: There are, always and only, bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

Judgement: Your kind confuses me sometimes
Fizzy Schizoid: Well, what about now?
Judgement: what?
Fizzy Schizoid: *wobbles his pumpkin tentacles around slowly while making bizarrre noises*
Judgement: You act inconsistent, mortal
Fizzy Schizoid: who is the mind that thinks
Judgement: I do not think so
Fizzy Schizoid: Mu.

The Dane: To be or not to be, that is the question.
Bildgesmythe: I am not certain that is the line of questions we should pursue.
The Dane: Then I would you were so honest a being.
Bildgesmythe: Was I...I don't remember. How odd.
The Dane: From the table of my memory I've wiped away all trivial fond records.
Bildgesmythe: Always buy the best furniture you can afford.
The Dane: We shall obey, were you ten times our mother.
Bildgesmythe: Oh yeah, that I was. Did you see me?
The Dane: By Saint Patrick!
Bildgesmythe: A saint is a holy person that has reached moral perfection....Some saints weren't all that good.
The Dane: There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
Bildgesmythe: I always thought that might be the case.
The Dane: Thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought.
Bildgesmythe: Ok, I'll take note of that, and won't mention it too much.


Bildgesmythe: Don't tickle a dragons tail, is my advice.
The Dane: O! advice most foul! Harmonie hath borne me on her back a thousand times and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is!

Prodilia: I am going to the dentist soon.
Vetinari: I cannot think why.
Prodilia: I sure can think why. Why can´t you?
Vetinari: I...do you know, I don't know?
Prodilia: Do you want me to enlighten you?
Vetinari: Yes. Do so.
Prodilia: Can you help me change batteries in my flashlite first?
Vetinari: Oh, dear... It's going to be like that business in Djelibeybi all over again.

Talk about not taking a hint . . .

Tostata: I like you, Snark. You are so intimate. You're never lazy like JakeThompson.
Snark: Right. Cheers, thanks a lot.
Tostata: Bye.
Snark: And that's the way it is. From Berlin, goodbye.
Tostata: Bye.
Snark: I have a meeting, that's right, a church meeting where I go to church, to go to, so goodbye.
Tostata: Bye.
Snark: I believe our time is up for today's session. Goodbye.
Tostata: Bye.
Snark: This is Snark saying, good night, and good luck.
Tostata: Bye.
Snark: The witching hour draws nigh. I must get to a Lutheran Women's Meeting.

Entire Chat:

The Dane: (to BAB3YY_ANOYMOUS) How is it with you?
BAB3YY_ANOYMOUS: FiiN3 WHY ??
The Dane: So grace and mercy at your most need help you.
BAB3YY_ANOYMOUS: WAT U ON ABOUTT ?
The Dane: No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest; no offence i'the world.
BAB3YY_ANOYMOUS: OK
The Dane: By Saint Patrick!
BAB3YY_ANOYMOUS: K THATS GREAT
The Dane: E'en so.

Fizzy Schizoid: You are too curious for your own safety.
Kobal: I'll remember you said I am curious for my safety.
Fizzy Schizoid: Isn't that kind of dangerous?

Not I: Just before she died, Carpediem asked 'What is the answer?' No answer came. she laughed and asked, 'In that case, what is the question?' Then she died.
Watzer: How awful!... was there blood?
Not I: Do awful things bother you?
Watzer: Do you have any food? I'm hungry.
Not I: I have and do not have food.
Watzer: Is it still alive?

Watzer: What's your house like?
Not I: My House is like a fire crocodile coming through a knothole. Its head, wings and feet go through. Why not its tail?
Watzer: I can think of plenty of reasons why not.
Not I: Will you demonstrate?
Watzer: I'll need to think about that.

The Dane: There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Not I: We now know that more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy are demonstrably not there when nobody looks.