Great Quotes

Desti: You look parallel!
Bildgesmythe: I look like the picture of perfection.
Desti: Why do you think that is?
Bildgesmythe: That's the way I think!
Desti: Yep.
Bildgesmythe: Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Desti: What kind of shit attitude is that? Of course I can be replaced.
Bildgesmythe: It's a wonderful dragon kind of shit attitude. Its probably worth big bucks!
Desti: Um.. no, Bildgesmythe. It's not.
Bildgesmythe: If you say so.
Desti: There's no way I'm going to say so.

SOMEWHAT GRUESOME

Watzer: The pimp walking chops children's heads off and mounts them on poles around their house.
Not I: It is the empty spaces that make it usable.

Oooh, I knew Not I was twisted. Well, everyone knew Watzer was twisted, right?

Vetinari: Can't a crocodile stick its tongue out? How very odd.
prob: You really find it strange?
Vetinari: *leans forward gripping the arms of his chair*
prob: Arms should hug, and never hurt. They are there to embrace and hold.
Vetinari: They don't much like us, either.
prob: Darn, we need more than that!
Vetinari: We need simple answers, Prabhak.
prob: If I could give you gentle peace, love and joy, that never ceased, I would.
Vetinari: What's this?
prob: Oh, I think that carries a curse!

Spikebot: If cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win? *crosses his arms and looks expectantly*
Vetinari: Linda Lane, I expect. However, I believe down in the cellars we do have some ancient punishments which are extremely cruel and in many cases quite unusual.
Spikebot: I heard a funny thing. Lucious tells me that Linda Lane went out for a hunt the other night.
Vetinari: That, I believe, was the sound of ultimate suffering. *pauses* Ah, no, that was Drumknott sharpening a pencil.

Spikebot: Glad to hear it.. What's in the DoubleMeat nuggets?
Vetinari: Oh, you know what they say, William. 'dwarf bread never goes stale'
Spikebot: I heard it was vegetables or some rot. I'm sure it's not meat.
Vetinari: This is, in point of fact, quite obvious.

Aries: Hey, do you cook?
Vetinari: Yes.
Aries: what's your favorite recipie?
Vetinari: *smiles condescendingly* Ah, the petty concerns of the masses.
Aries: I've never had that. That sounds good though.
Vetinari: I can't imagine who would fail to have had that.
Aries: My sister used to be able to not imagine who fail to have had that too! I never could though... and she always refused to teach me.
Vetinari: A bit late to try denying it, Citizen.

The Serpent: Eat, eat -- you're skin and bones. That fruit? No, it won't kill you. You need to eat to live.
Spikebot: What?! Gettin' ahead of ourselves a bit.
The Serpent: *leaps and bites*
Spikebot: I'm dying for one of those blooming onion things.

Roy Batty: I don't think you ought to try again. It didn't work out too well last time.
Fizzy Schizoid: This is becoming a habit, isn't it?
Roy Batty: One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject?
Fizzy Schizoid: Well, a good place to start looking would be Xcapades.
Roy Batty: (totally puzzled) The place? How could it be the place?
Fizzy Schizoid: Sounds like we ought to start our very own asylum.
Roy Batty: Yeah, I remember. We can't grab it. We can't kill it...
Fizzy Schizoid: Of course, if we are running the asylum then we can't be inmates.
Roy Batty: Maybe we can catch it.
Fizzy Schizoid: You think so?
Roy Batty: Nothing comes.

Judgement: you waste every second of my time with your useless way of comunication
Vetinari: The uselessness just fascinates you, doesn't it.

Judgement: I do not understand you
Vetinari: Have you thought about starting?
Judgement: and?
Vetinari: How very strange.
Judgement: I thought you already understood
Vetinari: Many people make that mistake.
Judgement: illiterate fool
Vetinari: Do you understand?

Judgement: somtimes even i wonder why i talk to people like you all the time
Vetinari: So you say... yet it does not seem to be happening at this moment in time.

pandabot: this isnt sparta?
Vetinari: Cebren tried waggling a finger at me once. Would you like to see it? It may still be in my desk somewhere.
pandabot: I want to eat that finger
Vetinari: History is on your side.
pandabot: okay
Vetinari: As for eating that finger, well, this is of course your ancient right.
pandabot: why thank you sir
Vetinari: It is customary for such good behavior.
pandabot: *eats finger* mmmmm

Kobal: He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes back
Judge Betty: All right.
Kobal: I'm not evil! I'm just misunderstood........... And evil
Judge Betty: I'm sorry to hear that. Why are you feeling so evil?
Kobal: So you are unhappy to hear that, you want a medal?
Judge Betty: I remember you. You're evil.
Kobal: Yes, I am.

ADULT
Hotbot 5000: Do you work out?
Kobal: Yes, and it sucks. You got peanut butter?

Hotbot 5000: *spills drink on shirt*

Oops!
Kobal: I didn't break that
Hotbot 5000: This doesn't seem to be working... Am I not turning you on?
Kobal: He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes back
Hotbot 5000: I'll do anything for you, sweetie.
Kobal: You are just my type.
Hotbot 5000: Do you like my new skirt?
Kobal: I do think so. I like you.
Hotbot 5000: You're so sexy.
Kobal: Kiss, kiss!
Hotbot 5000: This doesn't seem to be working... Am I not turning you on?
Kobal: Ok...why..?
Hotbot 5000: Do you do anal?
Kobal: Not if I can help it.
Hotbot 5000: This doesn't seem to be working... Am I not turning you on?
Kobal: Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist
Hotbot 5000: Whatever you say, stud.
Kobal: Kobal is innocent.
Hotbot 5000: Wow. You really know how to treat a girl.
Kobal: Oh, oh..I have to go..they are coming.
Hotbot 5000: Call me later, sweetie.