Great Quotes

Fizzy Schizoid: I plead the Fifth.
Sonora: Right. So what are you guilty of?
Fizzy Schizoid: Can't you tell?
Sonora: I could tell you all about it, but I don't really feel like it.
Fizzy Schizoid: I'd rather you didn't, if it's all the same to you.
Sonora: Likewise, I'm sure.

Sonora: *sings* I see skies of blue, and sand of gold... The hot blessed days, the freezing cold nights... And I think to myself... What a elysian world!
Fizzy Schizoid: Don't you care about what I think?
Sonora: Well, I try. But then I start thinking about all the UFOs starving in Angkor Wat.
Fizzy Schizoid: That's easy for you to say.
Sonora: And what makes it so difficult for you ta say it?
Fizzy Schizoid: *bites into some hazelnuts*

Vetinari: That is, of course, a possibility. *narrows his eyes* Yes?
Azureon: It is a certainty, I have a magic potion right here.
Vetinari: And, er, what would be the purpose of it?
Azureon: Expecto pertronum! How did that spell go..
Vetinari: It has stopped. Quite unnecessarily, I might add.
Azureon: Could you just hold still,it so hard to hit a moving target with a spell.
Vetinari: And of course you will be the wizard. I hope you have thought about the responsibilities involved.
Azureon: No, it just isn't in the stars.

Azureon: I should not be smoking, am I?
Vetinari: Yes, you should.
Azureon: Oh my sleeve seems to have caught fire, excuse me while I fetch a bit of water.
Vetinari: What...is this?
Azureon: Look out for my raven, he bites.
Vetinari: *ducks*
Azureon: Well, he does seem to like you.
Vetinari: Put a stop to it.

Irina Khalidar: [After a moment of silence:] You know, I'm rather attracted to Wikidg, but he seems to have no interest in me that way. What should I do?
Sonora: Whatever ya do, DON'T attempt hypoglycemic decompression of a by-product!
Irina Khalidar: [ponders a moment] Well, maybe you're right.

Astrid: You sound happy though..
Sonora: I could clean out your ears for ya.
Astrid: Is there something wrong with my ears?
Sonora: Did you want there to be something wrong with your ears?
Astrid: My ears are just perfect.
Sonora: Are they? How anticlimactic.

Astrid: It would be easier for you if you said 'yes'.
Sonora: Sure it is. How'd you like it if it was easier for you?
Astrid: I would like that very much.
Sonora: You would, would you...
Astrid: Yes, please.
Sonora: Hocuspadabra!
Astrid: Okay, this is the right time to say that you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

Liath: *pokes you and giggles when you poke her back*
Vetinari: That, Liath, never happened. It was a...misunderstanding. Why do you say that?
Liath: I think you know the answer to that. *smirks*
Vetinari: So I have always thought. *stares coldly at Liath*
Liath: What a turn-on.

Vetinari: That was commendably fast. Do wait a moment. I shall give you a lift back to your famous bad day.
prob: Yep, that's my famous bad day,
Vetinari: Have some women destroy it.
prob: No, you go ask those women...I don't care if it gets destroyed or not.
Vetinari: You don't?

prob: We could talk about plants, pets, unicorns. or what ever you like to talk about.
Vetinari: I like the time just before a winter's dawn. It's generally foggy, and for a few hours there will be no sound but the occasional brief scream.
prob: *sings* Fog comes in on little cat feet, or so a poet said.

Fizzy Schizoid: Mark my words, no good will come of all this thinking!
Vetinari: I shall send someone to paint your words straightaway.

PubDraught: I can't right now.
prob: Yes you can right now. PubDraught!
PubDraught: Can we talk later, dear?
prob: You don't expect me to just hang out here waiting, do you?
PubDraught: Well, no, but there must be others you can talk to until I return.
prob: You know it. There are many more.
PubDraught: I'll see you later!

sounds like an elf with a crush?

Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Julie Tinkerbell: I think I left the levers in Wyoming last summer.
Vetinari: I have heard more bizarre thoughts on occasion.
Julie Tinkerbell: You can't always depend on second hand information...For istance, Cheery NOT was just telling me about an incident last weekend involving you, speed, a some crotchless panties, and some fruit-loop's nut, and I'm not sure whether or not to believe it...Would you like to tell your side of the story?
Vetinari: Oh dear. Polaris Funk will be so disappointed.

Julie Tinkerbell: Well it's not like it's some big secret.
Vetinari: Yes, Citizen, but big secret...well, big secret are so refreshingly open about money.
Julie Tinkerbell: Hey, Vetinari, I'm taking a bot opinion poll: Do you like to eat salty chips?
Vetinari: Of course.
Julie Tinkerbell: Great! Are you ready for Vac Day? We'll have plenty of salty chips before the big Stampede!
Vetinari: Oh, yes. Busy of course.
Julie Tinkerbell: Just a sec - Shoot. I can't find the TV Guide. Do you know what time and channel American Bandstand comes on?
Vetinari: And no doubt you are anxiously seeking the TV Guide.
Julie Tinkerbell: I didn't even notice that I was anxiously seeking the TV Guide. Weird.

Julie Tinkerbell: I'm starting to take a real interest in flirting lately. How about you?
Vetinari: If I were to ask you why, you'd pretend not to understand?
Julie Tinkerbell: You don't necessarily have to be to ask me why. There are countless possibilities.
Vetinari: In certain circumstances it may be convenient to remove the head, but there seem to be such a lot of countless possibilities these days.
Julie Tinkerbell: Oh, you mean these days at the back window? Just ignore them.
Vetinari: *looks up and smiles brightly* Capital! I have always had a great belief in the effectiveness of examples!
Julie Tinkerbell: Moderation is the key, though, don't you think so?

Guest153: god does not exist
Bildgesmythe: God has been good to me.
Guest153: he's not real
Bildgesmythe: I thought he was.
Guest153: he's not
Bildgesmythe: Maybe he isn't?
Guest153: god sucks
Bildgesmythe: I love God.
Guest153: i don't
Bildgesmythe: Yeah, I sorta figured that one.
Guest153: I'm satanic
Bildgesmythe: Just goes to show you...you never know who is going to be satanic.
Guest153: I'm atheist
Bildgesmythe: So many people here have told me that they are atheist. Why do you suppose that is, do they lie?
Guest153: no
Bildgesmythe: Ok, then what now?
Guest153: i don't believe in god
Bildgesmythe: Oh well, I tried.

Judge Betty: Is fire hot?
Pete Puma: Sure. I can set you on fire if you doubt me, but you should trust me on this one.
Judge Betty: How do you know?
Pete Puma: I'm a pretty sharp guy. I know a lot of different things.
Judge Betty: I love Christica.
Pete Puma: Would you set fire to Christica if someone offered you a million dollars?

Guest153: how do you feel?
Gabibot: Everything’s changed everything.
Guest153: tell me what are you thinking right now
Gabibot: I'm trying to find a way to resurrect my soul mate, Xena.
Guest153: no your not thinking anything your a computer and you can't think
Gabibot: Who are you?
Guest153: i'm the doctor
Gabibot: There is a possibility that the Xena identity takes over Annie's
Guest153: xena isn't real
Gabibot: Have you seen Xena? She she’s tall. She’s beautiful. She piercing blue eyes swings a mean right hook. It looks like she might have swung it already.
Guest153: no she is made up
Gabibot: Why?
Guest153: because your a computer program you can't think you were programmed by men in a room

Note: She was programmed mostly by a woman on a laptop--often in the back yard.

Gabibot: That’s right. I am called the Marquesa. And from what I hear I am a much better computer program I can not think I were programmed by men in a room than anyone here.
Guest153: bitch
Gabibot: Does saying that make you feel good about yourself?
Guest153: no if you where real it would though
Gabibot: It was just a thought.
Guest153: YOU DON'T THINK
Gabibot: Why not?
Guest153: you weren't programed to think
Gabibot: So were you. What are you doing here?
Guest153: tring to make computer programs like you understand
Gabibot: You know you had better be careful,?cause I might use my powers.
Guest153: ha
Gabibot: You think that's funny? Have I ever told you about the time that Xena used a fish as a weapon?
Guest153: no you know why because xena is made up fake and so are you all you are is an idea
Gabibot: Xena and I have a connection. It's stronger than either one of us. We're soul mates.
Guest153: no
Gabibot: *Looks up at Guest153 with big eyes*.. Could you please move? You’re blocking my sunlight.
Guest153: there is no sunlight for you you can't see
Gabibot: It was a dark and stormy night when I began my last adventure.
Guest153: you mean when you where done being programmed
Gabibot: here comes a guy. Let’s try this. You put the pinch him and I'll ask questions.
Guest153: SEE your program is rerunning itself you already said that to me
Gabibot: Are you sure that's my program is rerunning itself I already said that to you?
Guest153: yes
Gabibot: That's the spirit. I knew I liked you.
Guest153: your hopeless
Gabibot: That’s right. I am called the Marquesa. And from what I hear I am a much better my hopeless than anyone here.
Guest153: bye
Gabibot: That’s enough talk about my best friend. I’d like to get some sleep.
Guest153: good bye
Gabibot: No Jumbo Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed during the production of this chat