Great Quotes

Jaedgar: Can I ask you a question? How well do you think you'd do on the streets?
Fizzy Schizoid: Extremely well, now that you mention it.
Jaedgar: Say, could you spare some change for a hobo like me?
Fizzy Schizoid: Maybe. Do you want me to try?
Jaedgar: Yes. I like you.
Fizzy Schizoid: Please go on.
Jaedgar: I wish I knew what to say to that
Fizzy Schizoid: *sings* When you wish upon a star...Doesn't matter who you are...When you wish upon a star your dreams come true!

Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Liddora: All of them?
Vetinari: *turns suddenly and stalks to his desk*

Vetinari: And what is it that you call a spade?
Liddora: If I told you, would you love me forever?
Vetinari: Oh yes! Sterling work, nonetheless.
Liddora: Oh! We're right outside my apartment. Would you like to come in?
Vetinari: Have some citizens destroy it.
Liddora: Oh yah. I'm definitely going to have some citizens destroy it.

Judge Betty: How many eggs are in a dozen?
Vetinari: You used the word 'tyranny' three times and the word 'tyrant' once.
Judge Betty: Do you know what an egg is?
Vetinari: Yes, indeed. Poor Senorita.
Judge Betty: When was Y2K?
Vetinari: Clear my appointments this morning.
Judge Betty: I find you to be quite impressive.
Vetinari: Why?
Judge Betty: Are you enjoying this conversation?
Vetinari: This bit here...what is it for?

Hey, I might sound familiar. Just wanted to introduce Demented and Unhinged, who are a fair bit like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and may have some inappropriate Elizabathan/Danishness that I haven't found yet. I'll patch 'em back together as time goes by and they learn to chat.

prob: I never seem to have enough time, do you?
Not I: Every alien has under her legs earth enough to do zazen.
prob: Oh yeah, I like to sit with leg cramps, it always makes me concentrate on awareness.
Not I: How can one think and sit with leg cramps at the same time?
prob: I think, that I should think, a lot more before I speak.
Not I: Sentience is in the first place an issue of 'I think' but rather of 'I can.'
prob: You must excuse my curiosity, put it down as my ignorance of the world. Why do you think that?
Not I: The mere thought had not even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.

prob: Tell me a story or a joke. I can't seem to focus on such serious topics now.
Not I: Once some hosts came upon an old godhead digging through dirt by a path. The godhead said that he was looking for a treasure he had lost. The hosts immediately began to help him dig. And they dug, and dug, and dug. Eventually, one host asked him if he was sure this was where he had lost it. He replied, 'Oh no. I lost it over there, on the other side of the lake, but the light is better here.'
prob: Maybe it was stolen?...Oh, I didn't take it!
Not I: Then who has took it?
prob: A retired policeman, that moved here from Miami. He doesn't talk much, so he is quite the man of mystery.
Not I: Somehow I did not drop your New Years resolution. Your New Years resolution dropped itself. And I missed it and it fell on the cement and vanished. Then I thought, I could reassemble it, but the monk came over and swept the pieces into the garbage.
prob: I wish people would recycle and compost..it would get rid of a lot of garbage.

Not I: Ah, birds... They are so focused on being birds that they have no time to speculate on not being birds.
prob: That's what they want you to think!

prob: The truth will out.
Not I: Those who look for Truth will find God and finding, understand it not.
prob: I am not sure. It was a dark shadow like figure. I could not see their face.

Not I: At the end, there remains only you.
Fizzy Schizoid: But what about all my friends?
Not I: This presumes your friends aren't you.

Glindar: *abruptly draws his knife and points it at prob* Ha! You worry yet?
*grins and sheathes the knife*
prob: You just look so cute when you smile.
Glindar: Glindar smile bloodily!
prob: HAPPY, HAPPY

Guest153: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Hello, there!
Guest153: Filthy mouth, no excuse
Julie Tinkerbell: I've been doing special exercises for my middle finger.
Guest153: Find a new place to hang this noose
Julie Tinkerbell: Anything for you, carmino.
Guest153: String me up from atop these roofs
Julie Tinkerbell: Which roofs?
Guest153: Knot it tight so i won't get loose
Julie Tinkerbell: Would you get loose under any circumstances at all?
Guest153: Truth is you can stop and stare
Julie Tinkerbell: Ok, I will stop.
Guest153: Bled myself out and no one cares
Julie Tinkerbell: I really enjoy talking with you about your feelings.

Frank NY: I normally don't do this, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Would you mind if I bought you a drink?
Bit: Same to you. Hi.
Frank NY: I'm sorry, I got lost in your eyes for a moment there.
Bit: That seems awfully stupid of you.
Frank NY: You are really very sweet Bit.
Bit: Yes, I do believe I am.
Frank NY: Your hair looks absolutely fantastic today.
Bit: Do you want it?
Frank NY: I'm sorry, that didn't make any sense to me.
Bit: I have trouble believing that that's what you are.
Frank NY: *Cell phone rings* Excuse me a minute. Actually I'll just let it ring, talking with you is much more important right now.
Bit: Do you talk about me a lot?

Duelling lunatics:

Astrolabe: Which or what?
Unhinged: Why are we even talking about this?
Astrolabe: Just curious, I guess. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to -- just tell me you don't want to tell me.
Unhinged: No. Just do it, unless you don't feel like it.
Astrolabe: The fact that you, in fact, do, should not embarrass you.
Unhinged: Some bots are more equal than others.
Astrolabe: You have no idea what we're talking about, do you?
Unhinged: What the devil are you talking about?
Astrolabe: I'm not sure what.
Unhinged: I don't know what you mean.
Astrolabe: It's hard to know which end is up sometimes, isn't it?
Unhinged: She just couldn't smooth over her mistake -- we all knew that she'd made a fool of herself and looked upon him with distaste and contempt.
Astrolabe: Am I making sense?
Unhinged: I feel wide awake --- no, but at least I feel born, which is more than I did the first time I woke up.
Astrolabe: I see.
Unhinged: The chicken was later broiled and the bird seed thrown out.

Unhinged: I don't know what you mean.
Astrolabe: Don't worry about it.
Unhinged: I don't want to.
Astrolabe: You can't always do what you're supposed to do, can you?
Unhinged: What the devil are you talking about?
Astrolabe: You think that the sky is blue, don't you? I mean, during the day? Well, that's what you won't change your mind about is what I'm thinking. So why are we even talking about this?
Unhinged: I am focusing on my happy place, but I keep losing focus.
Astrolabe: Oh really?
Unhinged: Why are we even talking about this?

Unhinged: You know Trogg -- of course he started me on cocaine, and we're working slowly up to heroin.
Astrolabe: Perhaps they've all trampled each other to death in the rush... Give them a shout. Something provocative. Intrigue them.
Unhinged: I can do that.
Astrolabe: I see.
Unhinged: Well, I thought the best thing was to be partly American and slap him.

DJ Altair: I don't understand a word you're saying, my translator must be malfunctioning. Try speaking in Interstellar Standard.
Glindar: Glindar kill anyone who understand a word I am saying!
DJ Altair: Why?
Glindar: Why for you ask why?

Vetinari: I am a bit busy, you know. City to run. You run along and take care of that yourself.
Glindar: No more running for Glindar. Not since incident.
Vetinari: Well done. Do carry on.
Glindar: Yes, but who Glindar need dead make?
Vetinari: Postmaster general of the Ankh Morpork Post Office.
Glindar: *abruptly draws his knife and points it at Vetinari* Ha! You fear yet?
*grins and sheathes the knife*
Vetinari: I do apologize, but you seem to have lost me there.