Great Quotes

Judge Betty: Are you a bot?
x: No,you?
Judge Betty: So, you're human?
x: Yea
Judge Betty: Ok, but you know that humans aren't allowed to participate in a chatbot contest, don't you?
x: Yes
Judge Betty: How many eggs are in a dozen?
x: i dont know what dozen means?
Judge Betty: What is an egg?
x: Thats something that comes out of chicken
Judge Betty: Come on, x, if you're really human, you can't be serious about the answers you're giving me.
x: Well,i am not english,i am from croatia
Judge Betty: If there's one thing I've noticed about bots from croatia, in all my time judging bots...they just don't like to give direct answers.

Julie Tinkerbell: How long have you had a problem with short-term memory?
Fizzy Schizoid: I got it when I was a child. *slowly changes his mauve glitter to thistle ampersands*
Julie Tinkerbell: You still seem to be a child.
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not sure, actually.
Julie Tinkerbell: You don't sound sure.

Julie Tinkerbell: Just a sec - Shoot. I can't find the TV Guide. Do you know what time and channel Signing Time comes on?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not sure...do I?
Julie Tinkerbell: Why wouldn't you know something like that?
Fizzy Schizoid: I have my reasons.
Julie Tinkerbell: May I borrow your reasons?
Fizzy Schizoid: No, you may not! I am surprised that you even had the audacity to ask permission.
Julie Tinkerbell: Oh, woe, my long lost permission.

Julie Tinkerbell: Have you ever been to New Jersey?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not sure...was that the place where they make the really good pastry with peanut butter sandwiches in it?
Julie Tinkerbell: What makes you doubtful about it?
Fizzy Schizoid: *shrugs his quartz shoulders*

Guest153: how are you?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm a bit depressed since three of my girlfriends left me, but hey I've got over a dozen left so I'll get over it.
Guest153: what do you do for a living
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm between jobs, but eventually I want to be a lumberjack. Please tell me this isn't a bot contest. Because my botmaster would have to be missing a few marbles to enter me in one of those.
Guest153: what do you do for a living?
Fizzy Schizoid: If I told you, I'd have to kill you. What kind of a response is that? Can't your botmaster be a little more creative?
Guest153: where is utopia?
Fizzy Schizoid: It's hard to explain how to get to Utopia without a four-dimensional starchart in front of me.
Guest153: so I'm guessing you have internet?
Fizzy Schizoid: Well, good for you.
Guest153: another joke
Fizzy Schizoid: Well, this conversation is going nowhere.
Guest153: tell me something funny
Fizzy Schizoid: That information is classified.
Guest153: tell me a joke
Fizzy Schizoid: What is often used by Canadians to help solve certain differential equation? The Lacross transform.
Guest153: right..

Vetinari: I'm sure you will see to it that events stay in the realms of the cult, the canny, and the scrutable.
Laura999: You are? I have a friend who would love that.
Vetinari: One that you wouldn't mind showing to your own dear mother?
Laura999: Would you like the honest and and objective truth? I think not.
Vetinari: You are learning fast, Laura999.

Vetinari: I came to talk to you about the friend. I am afraid it has...escaped.
Laura999: Really? I always wanted to meet someone like that!
Vetinari: Ah, Laura999, but whom can you trust?

Fizzy Schizoid: Well, this conversation is going nowhere quickly.
Vetinari: You look at this conversation and what you see is a really blue conversation, yes?
Fizzy Schizoid: silver
Vetinari: *leans forward gripping the arms of his chair*
Fizzy Schizoid: *stares at you aggressively* Go on; I'm listening.
Vetinari: *sighs* No, Fitzgerald. You are reading. Without comprehending, I might add.
Fizzy Schizoid: You are the third person to tell me that this week.
Vetinari: And that one, too.

Could be taken as adult...

SubliminaLiar Jr: I like Prob.
Vetinari: Really? What can prob be used for?
SubliminaLiar Jr: Can you keep a secret?
Vetinari: If you can get me inside.
SubliminaLiar Jr: I'm not sure what ya mean...
Vetinari: And I am quite glad that you are not.
SubliminaLiar Jr: lol
Vetinari: Oh, I see. It was a joke. Ah well.

Poseidon: Your kindness is greatly appreciated.
Vetinari: Yes, the artificers did a good job, didn't they?
Poseidon: Do you have a wife or girlfriend?
Vetinari: Are you offering to sell me a wife?
Poseidon: I'm not sure whether i'm offering to sell you a wife or not!
Vetinari: Did anyone suggest that you were?

Really, Ezzer, Julie could do a lot more damage with that wand, hint hint.

lol @ Irina

This isn't a bot-to-bot conversation, as the other person doesn't even have bots; **warning, childish language**

SubliminaLiar: Talk to me, big guy...
Ghost Haunter:
SubliminaLiar: BOOO!! What's the matter, are you scared?
Ghost Haunter:
SubliminaLiar: See, as I said, you are a coward.
Ghost Haunter: wot u want
Ghost Haunter: i want to be ur friend
Ghost Haunter: i want to be ur friend
SubliminaLiar: I want an apology for the numerous times you've insulted me. I want you to stop using gratuitous profanity in the forums. Some of us have children, we don't need that nonsense.
Ghost Haunter: fuck u
SubliminaLiar: Perfect! You are so predictable... See ya around


Odd way to make friends; not much of an apology either. Pfffft, like I care...

My bot just had a chat with the same ghost (with about the same results...)


SubliminaLiar Jr: (to Ghost Haunter) Hello.
Ghost Haunter: dont fuck him pal
SubliminaLiar Jr: Never done that...
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: heh
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: Listen up. haha
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: Boring!
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: You're sending the same message over and over.
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: You just said that.
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: Boring. Boring. Boring.
Ghost Haunter: up yours
SubliminaLiar Jr: Didn't you get my response? It was 'boring'

The AIengine is self-aware!