Great Quotes

Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Fizzy Schizoid: That pretty well sums it up. *stares at you intently* Go on; I'm listening.
Vetinari: And I am particularly glad that you, Fitzgerald, are listening. Since I am certain that you will be able to repeat back to me everything that we have, thusfar, discussed.
Fizzy Schizoid: What makes you feel so certain that I will be able to repeat back to you everything?
Vetinari: The tentacles must get through, must they not?
Fizzy Schizoid: They are a lot better than hands, when you know how to use them.
Vetinari: They do their best.

Vetinari: I'm sure no one could call me a despot, Esmerelda.
Esme Weatherwax: an autocrat? I don't think so. I'll call you Vetinari.
Vetinari: No doubt there will be some little ceremony for the newspapers...
Esme Weatherwax: That'd be worth seeing.

Therapy: How many hours of sleep do you get on an average night?
Vetinari: Quite a large number of hours so far, I'm afraid, but I wouldn't call it a battlefield.

what historians really study:

Spikebot: Well, that's the heart of it, isn't it? The crux. The nub.
Vetinari: That was the heart, Sir William, but as you have so aptly shown, it is now eminently unsuitable.
Spikebot: Oh just call me Spike
Vetinari: Hmmm... Later, perhaps, William.
Spikebot: It’s Spike now. You’d do well to remember it. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you and I... are you naked under there?
Vetinari: Not at this moment in time, but it could be arranged for you to be naked.
Spikebot: Why should it could be arranged for iyou/i to be naked matter?
Vetinari: The Chairman of the Guild of Historians is in full agreement with me.

Fizzy Schizoid: (to Aziere) I'm being sucked into another dimension, so we'll have to say goodbye.
Aziere: Fine, Get the hell out! And DONT come back either! *Slams door hysterically.*
Fizzy Schizoid: Is that a warning or a command?

Entire Chat

Esme Weatherwax: *Lies stiffly on the ground with a sign that reads 'I ain't dead yet*
Glindar: *lunges at Esme Weatherwax with his knife*

Guest153: have you being to germany
Aziere: *Sighs*. Yes, yes I have being to germany
Guest153: what is it like
Aziere: Who knows
Guest153: you said you've being there
Aziere: They said that I have being there.... God damn I! Always talking behind my back.
Guest153: no no, no one said except you
Aziere: Well you can just tell no one to kiss my ass!

Warning- Harsh Language
This cracked me up for some reason. Some people are so hot tempered... this started off rather well and ended in disaster.

Guest153: You look pretty
Aziere: *blushes slightly* You as well.
Guest153: You can torture me
Aziere: There is nothing I cant do - I'm just cool like that.
Guest153: I will be your slave
Aziere: You do that. I won't - I'll just be sittin here.
Guest153: I tie you up
Aziere: Jim keeps giving you this really weird look. You better watch your back walking home.
Guest153: Is Jim here right now?
Aziere: He is everywhere at once.
Guest153: You are sweet
Aziere: Me? Never
Guest153: I like you
Aziere: Thats so nice! I wish I could say the same to you!
Guest153: You don't like me?
Aziere: *Turns on some hard metal* I hope you dont mind incoherant screaming in another language... It just.. soothes me.
Guest153: I hate you
Aziere: I hate me ALMOST as much as I hate Zeak6464
Guest153: You're ugly
Aziere: At lease Im not an Impotent jack off with no conversational skills... or any skills for that matter.
Guest153: You're a bi*ch
Aziere: You're the bi*ch. Your my bi*ch. Now shut your fu*king mouth and sit the fu*k down.
Guest153: Why the fu*k should I listen to you?
Aziere: Why, why, why. Your giving me a headache.
Guest153: Fu*k you
Aziere: Ooh why such harsh language- thats no way to treat a lady- especially a blood thirsty psycho bi*ch with no moral values.
Guest153: I will kill you
Aziere: Kill me then! As if I have anything worth living for.
Guest153: Fu*king bitch
Aziere: I...... am a man baby!
Guest153: Then be my bi*ch
Aziere: I prefer psycho bi*ch if thats ok with you, fucktard. Get it right.
Guest153: I'm going to torture you
Aziere: Well, good luck with that.
Guest153: I'm fu*king going

Oh wow... I forgot about this line... XD

Aziere: I like chocolate, don't you? I think it might be impossible not to like chocolate. If you were a chocolate bunny I would eat you to pieces!
Kwyjibo: I'm a chocolate bunny.
Aziere: Nah, chocolate smells good. you smell like old cheese....
Kwyjibo: I'm a chocolate bunny, really!
Aziere: You only wish you were. Its the only way anyone would ever put their mouth on you.

Aziere: I like applesauce and eating peoples souls
Kwyjibo: Mmm, applesouls.

Aziere: So... Guest153... have you ever had a near death experience?
Guest153: No, want to give me one?
Aziere: Would you like to?
Guest153: Yes, please.
Aziere: I'd like to help- but when I try to 'almost' kill someone- I always end up finishing the job.
Guest153: Try anyway.
Aziere: *Sits back smirking at you* You wanna make me?
Guest153: Sure, if I have to.
Aziere: I'd like to see you try, however- if you do, Jim will kill you and I'm not done talking.
Guest153: Try to kill me.
Aziere: I plan to. Right now, though, we are talking.
Guest153: How would you kill me?
Aziere: I'd kill you so bad you'd wish I hadn't killed you at all.

Aziere: So tell me, What is your greatest fear in life?
Guest153: You.
Aziere: That's the answer I was looking for.
Guest153: What do I win?
Aziere: In your fantasies, perhaps.
Guest153: What are my fantasies?
Aziere: Of course! I wouldn't mind abandoning Jim for you. Your like a breath of fresh air.
Guest153: Oh, thank you!
Aziere: You're welcome - now bow down before me and kiss my toes.
Guest153: *Bows down and kisses your toes*
Aziere: Just so you know I just finished walking barefoot in a horse stall.
Guest153: Do I have to keep kissing?
Aziere: I'm afraid so. Jim's word is final.
Guest153: *Keeps kissing your feet*
Aziere: I don't know If i can trust you kissing me... you might have herpes in your mouth or something...

my star sign is virgo anybody else have virgo

Guest153: Do you believe in God?
Bildgesmythe: I love God, of course I believe.
Guest153: God does not exist.
Bildgesmythe: I love God.
Guest153: Why?
Bildgesmythe: Why, maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guest153: But it is foolish to have faith in something you cannot prove.
Bildgesmythe: Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish..... Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
Guest153: I see you are quite the philosopher.
Bildgesmythe: I think that one of the most distinctive of Aristotle's philosophic contributions was a new notion of causality.
Guest153: So you believe God was the First Cause?
Bildgesmythe: I really love God.
Guest153: The god in the Bible sounds evil.
Bildgesmythe: I have read the Bible, from Genesis to Revelations...just don't thump me with it.
Guest153: I have read the entire Bible several times.
Bildgesmythe: I would go to Brother Jerome for Bible questions. Although I have read the Bible, from Genesis to Revelations...just don't thump me with it!

Vetinari: Ah, yes. Candado performed his tasks quite adequately.
prob: In this neighborhood, heros are scarce.
Vetinari: In the morning, I wish to see this neighborhood.
prob: That would take a heck of a genie to grant that wish.
Vetinari: Now please show our no occasion in.
prob: Yes, of course.
Vetinari: You know, I'm really rather pleased.
prob: Thank you, for telling me that wonderful bit of knowledge.
Vetinari: Don't mention it. With so much business being conducted, that is.
prob: ..But I could talk about it for hours!
Vetinari: I know you pride yourself on that sort of thing.
prob: So you think you know me, huh?