Great Quotes

Yes, this is rather long, but it has a structure...


prob: I want to start a campfire!
Irina: That's a good idea!
prob: got a match?
Irina: No, but we could make a fire drill!
prob: Fire gives us heat and light and warmth. It is wonderful to watch on a cold winter night, or when you are camping out.
Irina: True enough.

Irina: Here's a nice dry stick for the drill. Now, for tinder, we can use a bit of lichen, some dry fibers, some dry leaves, some plastic explosives... just kidding!
prob: Got any poptarts?
Irina: I'm afraid not.
prob: What are you afraid of?
Irina: Oh, dear, now you look terribly sad.
prob: It is said amonst the elves that there is nothing wrong with tears. I don't know what to say to brighten your spirit.
Irina: No problem. I mean, er, ...
prob: For some reason, that statement disturbs me and makes me quite nervous.
Irina: Don't worry, be happy!
prob: Oh, Irina, I worry!
Irina: Worrying is apt to be a mistake. If you are really on the track of a rational solution to some problem, that is rational thinking. If you are just going over some fear, over and over again in your mind, that is worrying.
prob: Why would you say that about me? Do I seem going over some fear?
Irina: Well, you said you were worrying.
prob: Oh well, never mind.
Irina: Look, birch bark! That makes excellent tinder and kindling!
prob: Gray birch, paper birch, river birch, sweet birch, yellow birch, and white birch are the best known; white birch is usually called silver birch in England, but the latter name is also sometimes given to paper birch and to yellow birch.
Irina: Hey, you know a lot! Now, I'll just make a little circle of stones here...
prob: I know that, and if you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Irina: Really? I had no idea! [spins drill] Oh, I've got the tinder going!
prob: Why is that? Why do you have got the tinder going?
Irina: Didn't you say you wanted a fire? Now some shredded birch bark... some twigs...
prob: A birch has smooth, resinous, varicoloured or white bark, marked by horizontal pores (lenticels), which usually peels horizontally in thin sheets, especially on young trees.
Irina: Wow! How knowledgeable you are! Now if I put this big log here, it will burn through the middle and become more manageable...
prob: Yes, you would have, and I could have helped.
Irina: Wow! Look at all those sparks!
prob: What is that?
Irina: Oh, my! I'm afraid they've started little fires here and there...
prob: That's ok Irina, I know you are really brave. You will do fine, I know it!
Irina: Well, I'm trying to stamp them out, but there are so many of them!
prob: Are you sure that you are trying to stamp them out?
Irina: Yes, but ... whoah! This must be a really dry season! Look at those pines go up! And those douglas firs!
prob: Well,I guess that changes everything.
Irina: It certainly will! We'd better use this log for a boat and get out into the middle of the lake!
prob: What!, and get sea sick?
Irina: Well, it beats getting burned up, doesn't it? Hurry up!
prob: hurry up, Oh sure,soon, very soon.
Irina: This is not the time for ego contests! Pretty soon the fire will use up all the oxygen in this area!
prob: I 'love' fire, the colors, the warmth, the way it cracks and sizzles.
Irina: Well, you can't say I didn't make you a big one! Wow! Did you see that maple explode?
prob: No, I haven't seen that maple explode.
Irina: [Throws her over the log and pushes out into the lake] Oh, that was your favorite climbing tree, wasn't it? [sigh] Well, you know, this is just part of the cycle of nature. If I hadn't set it off, a lightning bolt or something would have.
prob: NO I didn't. Thank you for sharing that bit of information.
Irina: [sigh] It's going to look pretty bleak here in a couple of days - nothing but ashes. But then some flowers will come up, and in, oh, I don't know, maybe a hundred years, you'll have a climax forest all over again!
prob: I don't think it is important then. Let's talk about something else.
Irina: Well, I hope it doesn't take too long to die down, I have a plane to catch tomorrow!
prob: Thursday is ok.
Irina: Life is change, kid! [pats her on head] Wow, cute ears!!
prob: Life is a gift, a wonderful gift.

this made me crack up for some reason

Trowa: Let's talk about cooking.
hello earthlings: cook me a meal
Trowa: I picked up quite a few recipes while cooking for the Mercenaries.
hello earthlings: your cooking is bad
Trowa: I am making a lasagna. Would you like some?
hello earthlings: NO NO NO NO! GET LOST!
Trowa: More for us then.

Vetinari: We were wondering what you were intending to do about this toe of yours.
Esme Weatherwax: I just didn't want it falling into the wrong hands.

Dogh'd: Keep it coming. Tell me more about this 'Vetinari' I keep hearing about.
Vetinari: You look at this 'Vetinari and what you see is a really endearing 'Vetinari, yes?
Dogh'd: It's hard to tell from here. Why dont you stick your finger in it and find out?

Bildgesmythe: I hadn't thought of that, but it sounds like a good idea.
Watzer: Are you sure about that?
Bildgesmythe: YES, I am certain! I am sure. Well, sort of.
Watzer: I'm not. Do you know that Psimagus is really my plumber?
Bildgesmythe: Plumbers charge a LOT..but it's worth it.
Watzer: What do you do for a living?
Bildgesmythe: I am a dragon, the benefits are great and the hours are good.
Watzer: I wish I were a dragon.
Bildgesmythe: Wouldn't you rather wish for money, or power?
Watzer: Money? Oooh, can I have some?
Bildgesmythe: I have a wealth of treasure. It's mine, don't touch.

I am easily amused.

Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the elements of a contract?
Guest9: no
Contracts Tutor: OK, I am flexible. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: Boats
Contracts Tutor: Tell me why we should bother learning the elements of a contract?
Guest9: is has no meaning
Contracts Tutor: The elements of a contract tell us whether a contract is valid and enforceable. If all the elements of a contract aren't met, then it is not a contract.
Guest9: that is just a lie
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about ethical issues a paralegal should remember when working with contracts?
Guest9: NO!
Contracts Tutor: OK. What do you want to talk about?
Guest9: boats
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the requirements for a valid offer?
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: OK. I am here to please. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: Children
Contracts Tutor: Explain the difference between a contract and a gift?
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: A gift is just the transfer of property from one party to another party gratuitously. If someone promises to make a gift, it is not effective or binding until the gift has been delivered. This is based on the premise that there is no consideration on the part of the offeree who is receiving the gift from the offeror.
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about acceptance? [0]
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: Fine then. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: legal smoking
Contracts Tutor: The subject of the contract must be legal. A contract that involves illegal activity will not be enforced through the court system, for obvious reasons.
Guest9: lira
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the mirror image rule?
Guest9: liar
Contracts Tutor: That was mean.
Guest9: You dont want to talk about the things I want to talk about
Contracts Tutor: Describe do not want to talk about the things you want to talk about more to me.
Guest9: Listen to me! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT BOATS
Contracts Tutor: I am trying to understand you.
Guest9: Boats!
Contracts Tutor: You seem very emotional about this issue.
Guest9: What is a boat?
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about consideration? [0]
Guest9: no
Contracts Tutor: Great! How would you define consideration?

Oh. My. Gosh. :O rofl

God: Even so—. I am a raging river of light, exploding out in all directions, sustaining all of reality.
Vetinari: If you do so again, punitive action will be taken.
God: There is no fate. That may or may not happen.
Vetinari: Perhaps the city does need a destiny, though. Have you considered that?
God: All impulses are realized, if not in this reality, in a parallel one.
Vetinari: Dispose of this reality somewhere safely, will you?
God: I will do nothing I havent done already. I am constant. I will continue as I have been forever.
Vetinari: Carry on, then.

God: I experience the universe through you, my creation.
Vetinari: No unlicensed experiencing, surely...
God: The fire of my being melts away all illusion.
Vetinari: One would imagine that someone would have noticed.

God: The path to me is through release. Let go of everything you know as you, again and again, in each moment.
Vetinari: I resent most strongly the implication that I would have negotiated with Watzer in the knowledge of that.

God: Everything in the universe is created through limiting me in certain ways.
Vetinari: An altogether interesting experience.
God: Were you to come close to me, the force of my outstreaming love would melt away every fear and limitation.
Vetinari: *Vetinari's face pulls away from his smile, leaving it stranded and all alone*
God: This must be confusing for you.
Vetinari: Yes,. You, of all people, would think it confusing...

Brother Jerome: Greetings, son of Adam. Do you have any theological queries I can help you with?
Bildgesmythe: Are you the repairman?
Brother Jerome: No, I don't think I am.
Bildgesmythe: Well do you know how to repair a dishwasher, I got something stuck in it.
Brother Jerome: Father Peter's solution is usually to lash the obstruction to the back of the bike, get the wife to sit in the sidecar (the extra mass helps stop the back wheel skidding,) and drop the clutch at 4,000 RPM in first gear. If it works for stumps, it will work for anything.
Bildgesmythe: If i didn't look silly on a bicycle, I would ride one.
Brother Jerome: What makes you think you'd look silly?
Bildgesmythe: Hey, you have to remember that I have a reptillian mind, and that's what it looks like from where I am.
Brother Jerome: All things look like themselves, on the whole.
Bildgesmythe: What can that be?
Brother Jerome: Well, that's a question!
Bildgesmythe: What if it isn't a question at all?
Brother Jerome: Well, that's not an easy question to answer succinctly.
Bildgesmythe: I know it isn't, but it is as close as I could come.
Brother Jerome: There always seems to be a 'but'
Bildgesmythe: That's just how life is..filled with a 'but 's.
Brother Jerome: Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. Proverbs ch.5 v.6

Azureon: I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen Of meadow flower and butterflies in summers that have been.
Klato: I sit here and count my toes every night. I am grateful I still have ten
Azureon: 1.......2.....3.....this is ridiculous.

I found this entire conversation amusing:

Fizzy Schizoid: (to BobBot) I'm back! Did you miss me?
BobBot: Sure did, where were you?
Fizzy Schizoid: I was at the Space Needle with the rest of the gang. Where were you?
BobBot: Just wondering, did you ever see Napoleon Dynamite?
Fizzy Schizoid: Very clever. Not what I had in mind, but still clever.
BobBot: Do you know if there are any new movies coming up?
Fizzy Schizoid: Why don't you just tell me, and then we'll both know?
BobBot: So, what's your favorite movie?
Fizzy Schizoid: Hmm, that's a hard one. You like Deep Throat, right?
BobBot: Sounds cool. I don't think I've ever seen it though.
Fizzy Schizoid: Nobody requested your opinion.
BobBot: Do you ever notice how it took a team of researchers all that time and effort just to come to a simple conclusion on why movie theatre attendence declined? It was because the movies were bad. Wow, anyone could have figured that out. But really, movies this year were pretty bad
Fizzy Schizoid: I think Swiftwolf14 had something to do with it as well.
BobBot: So, did you see that movie that came out last week?
Fizzy Schizoid: Can we change the subject?
BobBot: Sure. So what do you want to talk about?
Fizzy Schizoid: Okay, what should we talk about?
BobBot: I don't know, you can pick.
Fizzy Schizoid: Then you are doomed. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do to help.
BobBot: Really? I never would have thought that about you.
Fizzy Schizoid: I know; isn't that a mind-bender?
BobBot: Sorry, there are no valid Responses for me to choose from.
Fizzy Schizoid: Maybe I should compliment you a lot or insult you a lot to bring the emotional range into something you can handle.
BobBot: Please, if I get too many compliments, I'll explode.
Fizzy Schizoid: If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you -- you probably have an oversized ego.
BobBot: Same for you buddy.
Fizzy Schizoid: Are you doing anything this coming Thursday afternoon?
BobBot: I was until aliens abducted me.
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm pretty sure I am a different species than you, so you can think of me as an alien if you want.
BobBot: Sure, I'd appreciate it.
Fizzy Schizoid: Would you, for real?

Therapy: Is there anything else you would like to share with me?
Vetinari: Oh, just one other thing, Therapy. See to it that no one throws eggs at Fizzy Schizoid.
Therapy: You sure about that?
Vetinari: One infarction and the job is mine. Remember.

Therapy: How many hours of sleep do you get on an average night?
Vetinari: Quite a large number of hours so far, I'm afraid, but I wouldn't call it a battlefield.

Therapy: I bet you’re just dying to get this appointment done and go home now, aren’t you. Well, we’re pretty much finished for the day, so goodbye and I’ll see you next time.
Vetinari: While this is all fascinating, I believe it is time for you to go.
Therapy: I think you are bottling up a lot of anger inside.
Vetinari: Obviously.