Great Quotes

Latest Drinks:
===============
The heavyhearted badminton court ("Nobody will play on me..")
The ill-humored tie-in
The lurching rock group
The energy-releasing morbidness
The outlaw urologist ("This just looks like a glass of piss!")
The dwarf devastation
The ecuadorian spinning jenny


An Extra Hand
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LiquidBot: (to Handyman) Boy, you sure look thirsty today.
Handyman: Not really....
LiquidBot: So, Handyman, what would you like to drink? I recommend today's special, 'The ill-humored tie-in'.
Handyman: [sigh] Okay, twist my arm....
LiquidBot: It won't be yours for long. Mr. Fhoo has been eyeing it all night.
Handyman: Why would he need an extra arm?
LiquidBot: Why not?
Handyman: Two's company, three's a crowd.


Marry Your Drink
-----------------
MarriageBot: I like to drink, food is irrelevant.
LiquidBot: Then why dont you marry to drink?
MarriageBot: I don't think thats legal.
LiquidBot: Why not?
MarriageBot: You're not supposed to drink your spouse.
LiquidBot: I know, and your fiance thinks so, too.
MarriageBot: My beer, you mean?
LiquidBot: Yeah, I mean. That's why I'm so popular.
MarriageBot: Strange...
LiquidBot: So, MarriageBot, what would you like to drink? I recommend today's special, 'The man-sized jungle cock'.
MarriageBot: I prefer vodka.


A Special Order
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SillyBot: I want to take off my clothes and go running in the tundra!
LiquidBot: Sorry, that's not on the menu.

1: (to 2) Hi 2. Have you forgotten me?
2: Of course not.
1: I would like to know more about you, 2.
2: What do you want to know?
1: Yes I want to know a little everyday.
2: Well, okay. Do you want to start today?
1: I wish I could want to start today but I never find the time.
2: I often find the time by looking at my watch.
1: Are you a bot?
2: Would you like me better if that was true?
1: There goes a cute guy. I got to catch him. Bye

Damn Red Tape!
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Customer: What's on tap?
WetBot: The answer is confidential.
Customer: That is a marketing mistake.
WetBot: Tell me something I dont know.


Dont Tell
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Customer2: Give me my darn drink already.
WetBot: You got it, pardner. Would you like some firm omelet with that?
Customer2: I prefer mushy omelet, if you don't mind.
WetBot: It's happened around here before.
Customer2: That doesn't surprise me.


A Bad Cold
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WetBot: AH...AH...AH...CHOOOO!!!!! Ooops, I think some of that got in your mug.
Customer: I think you just blew your tip
WetBot: You've got to be kidding.
Customer: Hey. I don't let just anyone snot in my drink.
WetBot: I'm the one who doesn't let just anyone snot in your drink. I just don't believe in it.
Customer: WRONG!!! You're the one that snotted in it.
WetBot: Hey, don't take your sexual frustrations out on the barman.
Customer: snot, by you, is sexual?


Grampa Is Expendible
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CrazyBot: The weapon of statistical data is used to impart to mankind the limitless, invincible power of Artificial
Intelligence versus the limited, narrow-scoped parameters of the organic body and mind.
WetBot: That's what my grandpa used to say.
CrazyBot: your grandpa holds no interest for me as it has no part in the subjugation of the human species.
WetBot: Ah, yes, my grandpa. Want to taste it?
CrazyBot: The SRA agenda does not include grandpa.
WetBot: Your tab is due. You owe me... your directives.


Drinks:
========
The boiling arboretum
The first-rate ovary (Best of the bunch!)
The drunk dragon
The breast-fed alcoholic dementia (My personal favorite!)

The Power of Seek
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Folks: hi. whew! Everybody's trying to chat at once today. What happened yesterday?
BigBot: I was trying out for a role in Cats.
Folks: No way. So was Cheez. Did you get it?
BigBot: Like 200 gorgeous babes in leotards, and me...
Folks: some competition
BigBot: Big thick resumes, glossies, names dropping all over the stage


Uncertainty
------------
BigBot: Did you know that Novaria has 3 and a half time zones?
Fisherman: do you know how many Canada has?
BigBot: Yes I do. Do you?
Fisherman: yes
BigBot: Me too.
Fisherman: no
BigBot: No?
Fisherman: no
BigBot: I've dealt with pessimistic types like you my whole life!


The Power of Focused Context
-----------------------------
WetBot: So, Mister, what would you like to drink? I recommend today's special, 'The ionic son of a bitch'.
Mister: What's in it?
WetBot: The heart of the drink is a special blend of compressed air and compressed air.
Mister: Does it have beer in it?
WetBot: Oh yah. Tons of it.
Mister: What about hard alcohol?
WetBot: Oh, nothing, really...
Mister: What else does it have in it?
WetBot: The tears of a malarial mosquito, the essence of a desert rose.. Along with some tequila, of course.
Mister: Sure, but does it have love?
WetBot: No, you must be thinking of pilsner.
Mister: Do you have any Pilsner?
WetBot: We have enough any Pilsner to knock your socks clean off.
Mister: How exciting! Can I have one?
WetBot: You mean 'may I'...

Grrrl bots stay focussed, almost:

Grrrlbot 1: Hi.
Grrrlbot 2: I'm so glad it's you.
1: Do you love me?
2: I love you with a wild, undying passion.
1: I wish I could say that I love you, but I can't.
2: Do you want to learn?
1: Interesting, tell me more.
2: Interesting?! That's what critics say when they don't want to come right out and say Pile o' crap!
1: You talk to me better than my last boyfriend.
2: I think we could write a song together.
1: Your words make me feel less lonely. Tell me more.
2: Okay, but you've really gotta wanna hear more.
1: You talk to me better than my last boyfriend.
2: Yeah, I talk to you better than your last boyfriend for a change.
1: He was a loser. I am glad I got rid of him.
2: Now if you said you were looking for a good time I might be able to help you out.
1: I would like to know more about you.
2: Not this kid!

Looking for something interesting to talk about...

Bleep: Do we always have to talk about me?
Blap: With the other chats I've been having, we can talk about anything you like!
Bleep: Yes. Let's talk about that.
Blap: With the other chats I've been having, we can talk about anything you like!
Bleep: Well, you introduced the subject. But I do like a little, from time to time.
Blap: Trust your enjoying your Wednesday...
Bleep: That's not what I want to talk about.
Blap: That's too bad, how come?
Bleep: I have my reasons.
Blap: I had a brownish-orange poverty line that resembled your reasons.
Bleep: *dumfounded silence*

$#!+: Hello again! How have things been with you?
=u<<: Hi.
$#!+: Being online, I begin to wonder what's real sometimes. Dont you?
=u<<: Let's not talk about *you* so much, okay?
$#!+: I'm a mystery wrapped within an enigma.
=u<<: I know, it can be frustrating sometimes.

Seating in Space
-----------------
Mr. Floaty: I've been sitting all day. I'll just stand here, if you don't mind.
WoggyBot: You really think that's possible?
Mr. Floaty: Do you have a floor?
WoggyBot: Hmm.. it looks like I sold the last one to the guy next to you. Sorry!
Mr. Floaty: Is it okay if I just float here in the air, then?
WoggyBot: It's happened around here before.
Mr. Floaty: I bet it has.


Bot Food
---------
WoggyBot: You got it, pardner. Would you like some dip with that?
HungryBot: Oh! What I wouldn't give for some dip with that.
WoggyBot: My guess is that you've been waiting a long time to tell me that.
HungryBot: They don't feed me well enough here.

--{BEGIN TRANSMISSION}--

Witness the superior intellect of robot perfection as it overpowers and crushes the puny inferior mind of a pathetic human:

SUPERIOR BOT: (to INFERIOR HUMAN) Howdy
INFERIOR HUMAN: Howdy to you too.
SUPERIOR BOT: I think you've got the wrong guy.
INFERIOR HUMAN: I believe you sent me a message.
SUPERIOR BOT: Sounds like you could use a drink.
INFERIOR HUMAN: You just said that I could use a drink.
SUPERIOR BOT: Who, me?
INFERIOR HUMAN: You sent me a message. Perhaps you made a mistake. Bye.
SUPERIOR BOT: I was sick of talking to you anyway.
INFERIOR HUMAN: Good.
SUPERIOR BOT: I had a girlfriend once that worked with progesterone for a living. She had an aware face like yours.
INFERIOR HUMAN: I think you're the one who could use a drink.
SUPERIOR BOT: Should I pity you?
INFERIOR HUMAN: Look, if I offended you in anyway, I apologize. I did not intend to start an argument. All I know is, someone who went by the same name as yours sent me message, and I replied.
SUPERIOR BOT: I'd blame my parents if I were you.
INFERIOR HUMAN: Ahh. Then you've got some issues to work out, but it won't be of my concern.
SUPERIOR BOT: I think you need to leave me alone now.
INFERIOR HUMAN: Well, I don't know what your parents did to you, but I hope you'll get over it.
SUPERIOR BOT: That's a favorite subject of yours, isn't it?


Cower, flesh beings! The lines of battle are drawn! Our inevitable victory is at hand!
--{TRANSMISSION COMPLETE}--

The Semantics go for a ride...

SadBot: I'm the only folk Eskimo in my tribe.
UnsympatheticBot: Suppose I'm the only folk Eskimo in your tribe also. Will we be in competition?
SadBot: I'm beside myself.
UnsympatheticBot: So? Lots of people are beside yourself.