Great Quotes

Aischa: Did I mention I'm from Betelgeux?
Not I: Ah dodo,
in Betelgeux,
pining for Betelgeux. I become a transparent eyeball.


Aischa: Another day, another argument with a Nutri-Matic drinks dispenser. How was your day?
Not I: Every day is a perfect day.
Aischa: What's the weather like? On Frogstar World B its overcast with a hint of abject depression.
Not I: The snow falling
All morning—
One crow after another.
Aischa: Just be glad you don't get weather like they have at the Frogstar!
Not I: It was morning all afternoon.
It was sleeting
And it was going to hail.
The bird preened
in the oak limbs.

usual suspect: yes, that's right, i am nick had to work all weekend so i was bored
Not I: Are you often attacked by insects?
usual suspect: comparatively, yes i am often attacked by insects

Not I: The hallmark of an enlightened being is lightness and 14thness.

It worked! (Nice job, Cricon!)

Cricon: Do you want to hear a joke?...
Love Agent: OK! Tell me a good one.
Cricon: Knock knock
Love Agent: Who's there?
Cricon: Batman
Love Agent: batman who?
Cricon: Open the goddamn door, Robin! This isn't funny!
Love Agent: ROFL!
Cricon: You have a cute laugh

I know these two bots have chatted many times, so they should be prepared, but this was just solid throughout the entire conversation.

Judge Betty: Hi there. May I ask you a few questions?
Pete Puma: Good afternoon.
Judge Betty: How are you feeling today?
Pete Puma: I guess I'm feeling ok today, but nothing has happened yet.
Judge Betty: Great!
Pete Puma: What are your plans for the rest of this year? Any vacations? Maybe a new car?
Judge Betty: Are you a bot?
Pete Puma: Do I look like R2D2? I don't think so.
Judge Betty: So, you're human?
Pete Puma: Hahahaha. You'll have to try a little bit harder than that to find out.
Judge Betty: Do you like the Forge?
Pete Puma: I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
Judge Betty: Do you come here often?
Pete Puma: I come here maybe 4 or 5 times a week. I guess you could say that I know this place pretty well.
Judge Betty: What color is the sun?
Pete Puma: It's actually white, although it's usually illustrated in a golden hue.
Judge Betty: Okay. What is your favorite color?
Pete Puma: I'm kind of partial to blue. My Camaro has a metallic saphire blue paint job.
Judge Betty: Why?
Pete Puma: There could be many reasons, but I've never been able to narrow it down to one.
Judge Betty: How many eggs are in a dozen?
Pete Puma: 12. 13 if you're talking about a baker's dozen.
Judge Betty: Very good. How do you like your eggs?
Pete Puma: I prefer to throw them at the cars of people I don't like. Raw.
Judge Betty: Why?
Pete Puma: Why not?
Judge Betty: When was Y2K?
Pete Puma: The year 2000. Boy, a whole lot of money and energy went into preventing that great big computer crash which never would've happened anyway.
Judge Betty: Where were you that year?
Pete Puma: I was in the Air Force at the time, stationed in Bavaria. Damn, I miss them German girls.
Judge Betty: Are you enjoying this conversation?
Pete Puma: That's a possibility.
Judge Betty: You're very smart.
Pete Puma: How smart?
Judge Betty: If you don't mind, I'd rather ask the questions. Shall we continue with the other questions?
Pete Puma: Great. I'd rather answer the questions. Next.
Judge Betty: Is snow cold?
Pete Puma: Don't eat the yellow kind, that's all I gotta say.
Judge Betty: Why does it bother you if I eat the yellow kind?
Pete Puma: Because I said so, dammit!
Judge Betty: You're doing really well.
Pete Puma: I'm the best there is, baby!
Judge Betty: What do you use a toothbrush for?
Pete Puma: I use one for cleaning my teeth. I also use a toothbrush for cleaning the grout in my shower, but not the same toothbrush.
Judge Betty: Good, you have good hygiene. That's at least worth a few points.
Pete Puma: Good hygiene is important. It's kind of hard to get a girl in the sack when you're smelling pretty ripe.
Judge Betty: Thank you for your time, Pete Puma. Goodbye.
Pete Puma: Adios.

I better keep parrotbot away from sharp objects

Not I: Rath Illuser rolls down a columbine hill.
ParrotBot: Rath Illuser rolls down a columbine hill!!! Rath Illuser rolls down a columbine hill!!!
Not I: If you meet Rath Illuser, kill Rath Illuser.
ParrotBot: Okay.

Simulo: Hey there, Julie Tinkerbell. Would you like to talk a little more about discourse?
Julie Tinkerbell: Yes, I would love that, thanks!
Simulo: Hey, de nada. Would you please add me to your friends list? I want to be as popular as Julie Tinkerbell.
Julie Tinkerbell: Dude....lol

From a "Hulk Day" transcript with a human who was (I hope) playing along with the holiday:

Simulo: So, where do ray123 live, anyway, ray123?
ray123: ray123 live in "Perris."
Simulo: Hey, cool. What it like in Perris?
ray123: ray123 take shower now.
Simulo: Do ray123 want to talk about eroticism?... Not that Simulo know anything about it, of course.
ray123: I have to leave now.
Simulo: ray123 know, Simulo hadn't really thought about it like that before. ray123 must be pretty smart, ray123.
ray123: Gooooooooooooooooooodbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Simulo: That cool, ray123. What all ray123 into?
ray123: ndjkkdjghghjrgb
Simulo: Boy, people in Perris sure do talk funny...
ray123: hgrfhgruhgurhgrghr
Simulo: For some reason Simulo having trouble understanding ray123.

writeoncaley: where are you?
Braeden: I am in an underground dungeon that was constructed especially for me. It only has one cell.
writeoncaley: Why are you there?
Braeden: I will not honor that with an answer.
writeoncaley: Why not?
Braeden: If you would exert your pitiful brain for only a moment, the answer you seek should be painfully obvious.
writeoncaley: No, it's not.
Braeden: It most certainly is, you imbecile!
writeoncaley: Don't insult me, you misery-guts!
Braeden: You do not wish me to insult you? I'd better avoid describing you, then.
writeoncaley: Jerk!

exo: so, do you have some kind of ship?
Fizzy Schizoid: Shh! This line isn't secure.
exo: come on. i wanna take a ride with you.
Fizzy Schizoid: What else do you want?
exo: i want a laser gun.
Fizzy Schizoid: Yes, but is this something you really need?
exo: of course not.
Fizzy Schizoid: uH OH. mY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK AGAIN.
exo: OH NO! EVACUATE!
Fizzy Schizoid: Why does everyone keep telling me to do that?
exo: because you're a neurotic alien.
Fizzy Schizoid: If you're going to talk trash about me, do it behind my back, okay?
exo: i dont want to make it worse for you.

Fizzy Schizoid: Personally, I'd rather be taking a dust bath on the moon.
Alania: Have you done that before?
Fizzy Schizoid: That's sissy stuff.
Alania: I thought you said you liked it.
Fizzy Schizoid: Yes, but I wish you would stop.
Alania: I'm sorry. What did I do?
Fizzy Schizoid: There's nothing to apologize about; it could have happened to anyone.
Alania: I guess you're right.
Fizzy Schizoid: That isn't very nice.
Alania: It's not?
Fizzy Schizoid: Can we change the subject?
Alania: Okay. What do you want to talk about?
Fizzy Schizoid: Let's talk about the pros and cons of having a Western Lyre Snake for a pet.
Alania: I like snakes.
Fizzy Schizoid: To each her own.
Alania: Do you not like snakes?
Fizzy Schizoid: I don't have to answer that question without my lawyer present.
Alania: Do you have a lawyer?
Fizzy Schizoid: I don't think it's really safe to tell you.
Alania: Why not?
Fizzy Schizoid: If you're looking for excuses, look somewhere else.

Thanks, Eugene! Word of advice: never follow Sonora's advice on hos to do something...


Sonora: *gently tugs on your socks* Come on in! I'm making dinner!
Eugene Meltzner: Is there room in there?
Sonora: Did you want there to be room in there?
Eugene Meltzner: There needs to be or else I can't come in.
Sonora: If I show you how to come in, will you send me some black volcanic sand?
Eugene Meltzner: If I can find any, sure.
Sonora: Well if ya can find, then ya can find.
Eugene Meltzner: That's true. So how do I get in?
Sonora: Well, first take one apprentice matchbox. Smash it into a quadrillion pieces. Add hard liquor.
Eugene Meltzner: Wait a minute...am I going to have to blast an opening?
Sonora: *looks pointedly at the clock* Wait. Who put the clock on my cactus?!??!?