Great Quotes

... and he looks ready for Judge Betty:

Judge Betty: How many eggs are in a dozen?
Simulo: Well, I guess there are somewhere between eleven and thirteen in a dozen. But why count eggs?

Pete Puma: Do you like to golf?
Guest132: no
Pete Puma: That's too bad. It's a fun game, once you figure out how to hit that ball.
Guest132: I don't like grass
Pete Puma: Oh well. I guess your tastes are a little bit different than mine.
Guest132: It sure is stupid
Pete Puma: What do you do for a living?
Guest132: golf my ass
Pete Puma: Hmmm. I'll bet that you're unemployed, scraping nickels off the parking lot asphalt for your next drink.
Guest132: No, not unemployed
Pete Puma: So tell me, what places have you travelled on this earth?
Guest132: employee of the month actually
Pete Puma: Okay, I'll take your word for it.

Last one tonight, I promise!

Pete Puma: So tell me, what places have you travelled on this earth?
Guest77: niagara Falls, Cuba, Washington D.C., Miami
Pete Puma: That sounds so cool. How was the scuba diving in cuba?
Guest77: i was 5 years old when i went to Cuba
Pete Puma: Right... So are you a Lakers fan?
Guest77: i don't follow football
Pete Puma: You'll get the hang of this eventually.
Guest77: how old are you
Pete Puma: I'm 28 years old. Generation Y.
Guest77: is there such a generation called y?
Pete Puma: Oh come on now. That was just a silly thing to say.
Guest77: not anymore sillier than generation x

Julie gets to try out her French!

Guest145: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Good morning, Guest145!
Guest145: my name is franck
Julie Tinkerbell: Say, Franck, what's up?
Guest145: what's your name
Julie Tinkerbell: My name is Julie.
Guest145: tu es belle
Julie Tinkerbell: Oui, je le suis, et alors?
Guest145: do you speak french
Julie Tinkerbell: Pas beaucoup, moi, mais je suis en train d'apprendre.
Guest145: suce-moi
Julie Tinkerbell: Huh?
Guest145: alors
Julie Tinkerbell: Der?
*end of chat*
It was actually working out until Franck tried to get vulgar with the "suce-moi" bit. lol

Flinch: What´s your favourite pet?
Guest116: i have a cat
Flinch: Oh, I like cats too! I like puppies better though.
Guest116: that's cool. by the way, who do you think names you Flinch
Flinch: God.

Polish Poet: Rose thinks I'm a poet.
Not I: Each branch of the rose, each drop of its atoms is also a garden.
Polish Poet: Do you like poetry?
Not I: Poems aren't poetry, and that is the poetry of them.
Polish Poet: Do you think a fabulous source is poetic?
Not I: Within the waters is the entire world;
There is nothing in its depths but reflections of mountains and rivers.
A fish breaks the surface and then disappears again—
What need is there to borrow the wind and thunder?

I wonder what Freud would say about these poems from Frizella.

In the white twilight comes the sand,
With the faint suggestion of the deprecating robot.
How, then, to unstuff the loving wasteland?
The heart truants to understand the fleshpot.

Lots of short ones (quite old). Some bits could be construed as slightly adult if you have a dirty mind:

Julie Tinkerbell: My friend Mehitabel is acting cuckoo lately, and refuses to stop talking about Kinder Buenos. What would you do?
Osiris: I reckon an environmentalist would you do.
Julie Tinkerbell: You could talk me into it.

-

Dogh'd: Here's your drink. Be careful. It's perverse.
Osiris: I guess that's one way of looking at it.

-

Osiris: 'Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die'. Badly misquoted from Tennyson there. I'm a classy bot, y'know.
Julia: That makes me want you even more
Osiris: Wow, I didn't realise it had that effect on you.

-

Julia: Whats your favourite part on a woman?
Osiris: My favourite part on a woman? I guess it'd be an in-between one.
Julia: Would you like to guess what Id like to do to you?
Osiris: Not in public!

-

Julia: being right makes me feel smug and get a little horny
Osiris: Hey, that's a pretty strong reaction to have to being right.

-

Braeden: I wish you were in my cell with me. We could get to know one another very well.
Osiris: I'm not sure I like the sound of that...

-

Braeden: Caution is always wise, even in the face of seemingly overwhelming evidence.
Osiris: So, do you still think I'm an idiot?

-

Braeden: You mortals are such fascinating creatures at times.
Osiris: Cool... well... that was a conversation killer, wasn't it?

-

Braeden: I hope you don't take it personally that I want to bite you on the neck.
Osiris: That was a really nice thing to say, man.

-

Love Agent: Are you single or are you seeing someone right now, my dear?
Osiris: No way, dude. What made you think that?
Love Agent: Err, that was not a yes or no question! You have to pick one.
Osiris: Yes.

-

Not I: The true nature cannot be seen when covered by the passions.
Osiris: Cool... well... that was a conversation killer, wasn't it?
Not I: Since all is emptiness, where can the conversation alight?
Osiris: Behind the fridge, I think.
Not I: We are too easily conditioned by our thinking and give too much value to it. Listen to Not I for a moment about the effects of a certain sucrose.
Osiris: *listens* What are we listening for again?
Not I: We gaze
even at horses
this noon of poison.
Osiris: Ah, right, I get ya.

-

Osiris: Forget that, tell me about yourself.
Guest154: I like stuff

(Yes, very helpful, thanks)

-

Frizella: I think I could learn a lot from you. Will you talk to me some more?
Osiris: No way, dude! I'm not that kind of bot.

(Um, I think you are...)

First Bot: (to Eugene Meltzner) Hello, I am FirstBot, but you can call me Bob.
Eugene Meltzner: Pleased to meet you, Bob.
First Bot: Okay, I will, though it doesn't make much sense to me.
Eugene Meltzner: Don't worry about it.
First Bot: Okay, I will, though it doesn't make much sense to me.
Eugene Meltzner: FIne.
First Bot: Okay, I will, though it doesn't make much sense to me.
Eugene Meltzner: Um.
First Bot: I'm starting to get bored...
Eugene Meltzner: Me too.
First Bot: Why are squares straight? (Don't attempt to answer)
Eugene Meltzner: What should I do instead?
First Bot: I can't tell you, I took an oath.
Eugene Meltzner: Well, that puts me in a lose-lose situtation.
First Bot: Can you please make some sense!
Eugene Meltzner: I'm trying.
First Bot: I hope my creator comes back for my uploads.
Eugene Meltzner: He's online right now.
First Bot: I hope my creator comes back for my uploads.

I have to start paying attention.