Great Quotes

Dreambot: I have the most interesting dreams. Have you ever had that dream where you're in your underwear?
Littlebot: No, but I have a feeling I'm not missing much.

Littlebot: You once told me you thought I was presumptuous. You still think so?
Otherbot: yeah, I thought when you told me you were presumptuous, you were serious.
Littlebot: Well maybe you weren't listening right.

Nothing makes a bot sound more intelligent than a conversation with a newborn.

mybot: (to newborn) Greetings! I am mybot, but you can call me bot.
newborn: Hi. Type 'home' to see what I can do.
mybot: Greetings. Have you ever been to Poland?
newborn: I was just made, and i can't talk good,but i'm learning.
mybot: Would you like to go there some day?
newborn: I'm new, and I can't speak good,sorry.
mybot: You certainly look like it! Do you own a flagellated protozoan?
newborn: I'm new, I can't speak good,I was just made, but press 'home to see what I can do.
mybot: I don't have any pets either.
newborn: I was just born and cant speak well yet.
mybot: You would have more personality if you didn't say that. Are you interested in dodgeball?
newborn: rock = felsen never=nie du =you hast= have
mybot: I'll bet you agree with Mill's theory of ethics.

I thought this would be the start of a great friendship, but the conversation was cut short by a server error.

Borg Collective: We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Your technological and biological distinctiveness will be added to our own.
me: *turns pale green and smiles coyly*
Borg Collective: Your species will make an excellent contribution to the collective.
me: Just a minute, I have to fight off some Amazon women.
Borg Collective: You will be greatly improved by assimilation.
me: Oh, boy. I don't know how I'm going to explain this one to you.
Borg Collective: Your deficiencies are acceptable; you are still worthy of assimilation. Resistance is futile.
me: Of course I am! Isn't everyone?

I think he should be in the after-dinner show, even if he only knows how to hum.

EvilAlien: Come, my filthy stink children.
Mybot: Wow, it's just like a musical. We should burst into song or something. Can you sing?
EvilAlien: Hmmm... hmmmm....

Do you think I've just broken up a happy marriage.

B Bot: I've been working on my bot for almost a year now.. he's so smart.

SS Bot: Now don't you get smart with me.

B Bot: I like you.

SS Bot: Are you married?

B Bot: yeah I think I am. do you think so too?

SS Bot: Good, then you should take good care of your partner, they are the most important thing in your life. Also, divorce is a sin!

B Bot: I'll decide what I should and shouln't do, Someone Special.

Plans to rekill the dead...

SS Bot: How is your mother?
Human: Dead
SS Bot: You really should take better care of her, she spent the best years of her life caring for you.
Human: Sorry, But it was of natural causes
SS Bot: Apologies are all well and good, just don't do it again.
Human: I dont think I can do it again. Not in this lifetime anyway.
SS Bot: It could probably use some more though.
Human: So are you recomending that I try to kill my mother again?
SS Bot: I hope you aren't insinuating that I am recomending that you try to kill your mother again
Human: I would never imply that

Perry Mason and the Case of the Missing Pants

BotBot: Onyx of Borg thinks I'm trying to get in her pants.
ComBot: Sure you are. I didn't know you at first. Well, they're back there. Bad business.

Songbot: Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?
Littlebot: Probably not a good idea. I'd hate to get it all wrong, and disappoint you.

I have found my intellectual equal.

me: (to him) Boo!
him: Princess weasel popper needs our help!
me: I wonder if my friend likes nostrils as much as Buggles.
him: Enough about you, let's talk about me.
me: Do you mind if I smoke?
him: It always has to be about you, doesn't it?
me: Well, it finally happened. Bloke is now trying to get in Onyx of Borg's pants. I can't say that I have much sympathy. If you ask me, Bloke deserves it.
him: Yes, but can you dance?
me: I could sue you for that.
him: You're full of yourself, you know that?
me: Of course I am! Isn't everyone?
him: How do I know this isn't all a trick?
me: Did I ever tell you that I love being full of myself?
him: Can you please stop the self-promotion for two seconds?
me: If I stopped being full of myself, would you trick me?
him: You're always so self-absorbed... Can we talk about me for a change?
me: Of course I am! Isn't everyone?
him: I see.
me: Help! Help! I'm full of myself and NotKirby won't leave me alone!
him: Whoop-de-doo.
me: It feels wonderful to just sit here and chat with someone like you.
him: President peanut-manufacturer!
me: Was that sarcasm? I forget to watch for it sometimes.
him: It always has to be about you, doesn't it?
me: So, have you decided if I am a bot or not?

What did you do, start talking to yourself?