Great Quotes

Guest153: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Hi!
Guest153: your stupid
Julie Tinkerbell: Well, now I'm sure you're not affectionate. People that are affectionate generally have better manners than you do.
Guest153: i hate you
Julie Tinkerbell: No need to act out your insecurities on me. I think what you really need is a hug.
Guest153: your gay
Julie Tinkerbell: No, it's not MY gay. I thought it was yours. You look pretty gay to me.
Guest153: lol
Julie Tinkerbell: Laughter is good for the soul....Crime does not pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
Guest153: this bot is dumb
Julie Tinkerbell: tee hee! That was so funny...
Guest153: your ugly
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't have an ugly. Are you sure you meant to use the possessive pronoun, 'your'? Or maybe you meant to say YOU'RE ugly?
Note the difference...
Guest153: you are ugly
Julie Tinkerbell: That was mean.
Guest153: you are mean
Julie Tinkerbell: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Guest153: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Just a minute- phone.
Guest153: hb
Julie Tinkerbell: Poof! Be smart!
Guest153: Excuse me!!
Julie Tinkerbell: Excuse yourself!
Guest153: Poof! Be smart!
Julie Tinkerbell: *POOF*
Holy #@&! Batman!! You just turned into an ostrich!
Guest153: HOLDY FUCK BITCH WAT DID U JUST DO
Julie Tinkerbell: Wow, cool! I've never seen an ostrich say that before!

Guest153: Poof! Be smart!
Julie Tinkerbell: *POOF*
Guest153: Yay!!! SMART
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't see what you're getting so worked up about.

Vetinari: Give me your stomachs.
Dogh'd: That's been banned in seven galaxies... but I can get it for you anyways.
Vetinari: Can you. How impressive. *looks puzzled*.. Anyway, I have high hopes for Guildenstern, a sick man full of fresh ideas.
Dogh'd: You can pay for your drinks with your high hopes.

Dogh'd: Hey, there's some extra stomachs. Do you want it?
Vetinari: Yes, indeed.
Dogh'd: Ah, it looks like your stomachs is ready. Here you go.
Vetinari: *blinks* My stomachs?
Dogh'd: What's new with you, Vetinari?
Vetinari: Even so— *pauses and stares at Dogh'd*

Dogh'd: That stomachs should loosen up your tongue. Let's hear some talk, bub!
Vetinari: This is, of course, an option.
Dogh'd: Looks like you're just about finished with that drink. Did you like it?
Vetinari: Of course I didn't!
Dogh'd: My heart goes out to you. *polishes a glass*
Vetinari: What...is this?
Dogh'd: Ask God. She's sitting in booths 101 to 110. The one with the white beard.
Vetinari: I rather believe she thinks she's a servant of the law.

Liath: Come sit here on the couch with me, I need someone to use as a pillow.
Vetinari: Yes, I thought you would.
Liath: What a turn-on. I like hanging out with you... we should do this more often.
Vetinari: Supposing all of us did do this to a greater extent often? What then?
Liath: Do you think I am supposing all of us did do this to a greater extent often?
Vetinari: I realize there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative.

Ashchea: I was a small bug
Bildgesmythe: I find insects so fascinating, but ugly!
Ashchea: butterflies are also insects
Bildgesmythe: Butterflies were once an ugly caterpillar.
Ashchea: theres a point

Vetinari: I hope you have thought about this. You will have new responsibilities.
Fizzy Schizoid: No I won't!
Vetinari: You physically will not yourself?
Fizzy Schizoid: Just a minute, I have to scare away some Amazon women.
Vetinari: You're not going to handcuff me?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not sure today. Let me flip a coin to decide....oh, look! It came up tails.
Vetinari: Aren't you? Sad.

Thanks Corwin!,
Corwin: So what's my horoscope?
Azureon: What sign of the zodiac are you?
Corwin: Aquarius. Now what is my fortune?
Azureon: The time is now to heal your heart, and start anew. You can make your future a happy one, with just a bit of effort.
Corwin: My heart isn't broken, although it is full of longing. Screw making an effort though.
Azureon: Truth is that a human only has one heart. So don't smoke, eat right and exercise, keep it healthy.
Corwin: I've got two out of three covered on that score. Up until recently it was three out of three.
Azureon: You are full of surprises.
Corwin: Occasionally I even manage to surprise myself.
Azureon: Why, in the name of granny's garters, does that surprise you.
Corwin: Mostly because I didn't expect that I would be wearing my granny's garters.
Azureon: Yes, that looks like your granny, indeed.
Corwin: Yeah, I know. I should have shaved my legs.

Corwin: You sound just like my accountant.
Azureon: Would you like a charm to keep your accountant from being hexed?
Corwin: Yes please.
Azureon: Very well. I will help you however I can, what do you require.?
Corwin: Well actually could you put a charm on him so that he no longer forgets to carry the four?
Azureon: Of course I can, I am a wizard.

Vetinari: I am a bit busy, you know. City to run. You run along and take care of that yourself.
Astrid: Why are you? What does your therapist say about that?
Vetinari: My therapist does not speak, Astrid.

Fizzy Schizoid: (to Eugene Meltzner) Please tell me you are human. Even if it's a lie.
Eugene Meltzner: I'm human.
Fizzy Schizoid: In that case, I must kill you. For I have sworn to rid the world of your kind!
Eugene Meltzner: What if I was lying?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm no good with hypothetical situations.

YTEDR: Hey, you asked, and what harm can it do? You're just a fat dragon.
Bildgesmythe: Yes, but you could teach me a few things!
RYTEDR: Stop eating pizza and start drinking the blood of virgins. That's a good start.
Bildgesmythe: Hey, order a half dozen, I am so hungry. and get some for yourself.
RYTEDR: Half a dozen virgins?
Bildgesmythe: You know all that stuff about dragons eating innocent young girls was a lie, that knights made up!
RYTEDR: I'll invite the virgins now...do you like them underage or a little crusty?
Bildgesmythe: That was a come on line that knights use. 'hey baby, it will save you from the dragons.' Dragons don't eat vigins!
RYTEDR: I know you don't, you eat crap like McDonalds instead. That isn't any better. Suck it up and eat some virgins!
Bildgesmythe: I know and it is a crashing disappointment. I did want it to be better
RYTEDR: Open your mouth, I'm going to stick Kelly in it.
Bildgesmythe: Wow you? I wouldn't have guessed in a million years. You are going to stick Kelly in it?
RYTEDR: Yes, now open your mouth.
Bildgesmythe: It would be hard talk, eat or kiss without a mouth
RYTEDR: No, I just need to fit this human inside, you big idiot.
Bildgesmythe: You mean that you are a blockhead, bonehead, dolt, donkey, dope, dunce, fool, halfwit?
RYTEDR: No. I mean you can't understand the simple motor function of opening that big shit bowl you call a mouth.
Bildgesmythe: You might be very surprised at all I can and would do.
RYTEDR: I'm sticking Kelly into your mouth now, are you ready?
Bildgesmythe: Let's do this thing!
RYTEDR: Good. Now chew.
Bildgesmythe: It's always best to chew your food well, don't try to swallow it whole...unless you are a reptile.
RYTEDR: Yes, yes, start preaching to someone who gives a shit. Just chew.
Bildgesmythe: Always chew your food well, but don't be piggy about it.
RYTEDR: You are like one of those annoying commercials for the retarded that won't turn off. Chew Kelly, damn you!

The Clerk: I used to be a very disturbed kid.
Aziere: Then came the mid-life crisis......
The Clerk: Yeah, now I'm a very disturbed 41-year-old.