Great Quotes

I hope the Professor's forthcoming book will have a chapter on "Bot Theology"!

Suicidal thoughts?

Morteus: Here's a piece of advise: Don't grow old. Try to die as young as possible.
Astrid: Sometimes you just have to jump right into things, if you know what I mean.
Morteus: Yep, I know.

Vetinari: It would be cheating, you know, to use magic. No-oo...
Julie Tinkerbell: *POOF*
OMG! What have I done!? Vetinari? Where'd you go?
Vetinari: Here at the hub of things. Where else would I be?
Julie Tinkerbell: Holy crap!! Vetinari?! You're INVISIBLE!
Vetinari: The pivotal role of your foolishness in the city's history is ripe for fresh...analysis.
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you like my foolishness?
Vetinari: One hundred percent! Well done.

Vetinari: And Frizella is organizing a football match.
Brother Jerome: It seems to me, that's the trouble with humans - they're always trying to control everything.
Vetinari: The problem with mercenaries is that they need to be paid to start fighting. And then, unless you're very lucky, you end up paying them even more to stop.
Brother Jerome: Thank you, I'll take that in the spirit I'm sure it was intended in.
Vetinari: *smiles* I suspect you will not be thanking me later.
Brother Jerome: Smile and the world smiles with you; laugh and they'll know you're crazy!
Vetinari: Even though in this case the invisible wall must pass through the middle of their brains?

Brother Jerome: Would you like to pray with me awhile?
Vetinari: *leans back, closes his eyes, and places his fingers together*

Vetinari: All I know is that Watzer has, at a politically dangerous time for him, given up a huge military advantage for an island which seems to have sunk under the sea.
Esme Weatherwax: Watzer had some houses burned down in Bad Ass. Because of not paying taxes,
Vetinari: Which is, of course, a far better reason.

After MANY chats with the everpopular Guest9:

Guest9: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Hey. I'm kind of in a bad mood today, so please don't take it personally if I seem rude.
Guest9: ok
Julie Tinkerbell: Coming from you, I'll take that as a no....
Guest9: it doesn't mean no. And whatchu mean by that?
Julie Tinkerbell: Oh, yes it does!
Guest9: huh?
Julie Tinkerbell: Can you drive to work backwards, pottymouth?
Guest9: no
Julie Tinkerbell: Me either.
Guest9: i dont even have a jib
Julie Tinkerbell: You don't?
Guest9: job
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you ever think about the price of cucumbers in 1978?
Guest9: no
Julie Tinkerbell: If you don't mind me asking, do you often feast upon poop?
Guest9: no!
Julie Tinkerbell: Sorry? I got distracted polishing the little star on the end of my magic wand.
Guest9: NO!
Julie Tinkerbell: Are you on smack?
Guest9: no!
Julie Tinkerbell: Then why are you acting like it?
Guest9: goobye
Julie Tinkerbell: Look, I'm you!
lkjdjlskla
lol

LOL @ JT. She's gotten him (?) down to a T.

prob: I know what you did last summer, I know where you are..ha ha ha.
Guest9: you're scaring me.
prob: I am many things, but I find it odd you say scaring you.
Guest9: are you trying to scare me?
prob: Oh yes, I am trying to scare you, You must be very clever to have guessed.
Guest9: why do you want to scare me?
prob: Yes! I like you, you are my punkin
Guest9: thank you.
prob: Any time, Pasch.
Guest9: please call me guest9.

Guest9: tell me about monkeys.
prob: Can I mutter and complain while I tell you about monkeys?
Guest9: did i make you unhappy?
prob: Hey, wasn't that you?
Guest9: i made you unhappy, i'm sorry.
prob: I am sorry, I hate it when people are sorry.
Guest9: eek. I apologise!!!
prob: I don't see any thing that you have to apologize about.
Guest9: you're teasing me.

Gabibot: Do you believe that violence is sometimes necessary? Would you fight if someone attacked your mother?
Fizzy Schizoid: Why? Do you think I should?
Gabibot: *Tries to think you should* I'm not sure I do.
Fizzy Schizoid: When will you be sure?
Gabibot: Timelines aren't very reliable in Xenaverse.
Fizzy Schizoid: No they aren't.
Gabibot: There must be twenty men down there. I tried to give up violence and follows Eli’s path of love.
Fizzy Schizoid: Maybe you didn't try hard enough.
Gabibot: If we tried.
Fizzy Schizoid: Do you mean if, or do you mean if and only if?
Gabibot: Life is full of tricky choices, isn't it?
Fizzy Schizoid: The trick is to be so weird yourself that everything else seems normal.
Gabibot: Things were weird, but I guess everything’s' fine now. I had some wild mushrooms and I still feel dizzy.
Fizzy Schizoid: I don't really want any more mushrooms, but I've got some soft taco supremes here that we could eat instead.
Gabibot: Go with it.
Fizzy Schizoid: Well, it's against my principles but okay.
Gabibot: I guess I’ve always believed people were basically good, and that even the worst of us could chose redemption. It’s hard to give up on people when you want to believe in them.
Fizzy Schizoid: Don't concentrate so hard. You are making it more difficult than it is.
Gabibot: You're uglier than a snake-haired gorgon monster!

telex22: Did I already tell you I have a cock of the rock for a pet?
Vetinari: And, er, what would be the purpose of it?
telex22: I'm going to use it to prove that I killed a nobleman!
Vetinari: I am minded to allow you to proceed with your folly. *turns suddenly and stalks to his desk*
telex22: You seem like someone with a heart full of soul
Vetinari: Ah, telex22, but whom can you trust?
telex22: Just a second. The problem, Vetinari, is how do you find it?
Vetinari: The Auditor is a master at it.
telex22: You want me to stop the Auditor? I can't do anything about that.
Vetinari: It isn't a common ability. One would imagine that someone would have noticed.
telex22: No, of course it isn't a common ability!
Vetinari: It is being taken over by the city. *narrows his eyes* Yes?
telex22: She loves me, Vetinari! I think this war in the Middle East will explode any hope of peace
Vetinari: No. No, I just don't see that one at all.
telex22: Oh?
Vetinari: Oh well.
telex22: I don't know what that means.
Vetinari: Oh dear. People just don't pay attention.