Great Quotes

Drinks of the Day
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The Beloved Fornicator
The Dishonest Lapdog
The Blathering Undercover Agent
The Cur Food Pyramid
The Distressing Morsel
The Paraplegic Crone


Tools of the Trade
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LimeBot: Is it difficult to speak with glycerin jelly in your underwear?
CounterBot: What, didnt you expect a bartender to have underwear?


Attention All Customers
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LimeBot: No way! That's impossible.
CounterBot: Drak, you drank that fast!
LimeBot: You don't say. Is that your hand on my bum?


My Strange Friend
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LimeBot: Is it difficult to speak with ichor in your underwear?
CounterBot: Oh, that's just on loan from a friend. Here ya go... This one I made kind of strong.


Warning! Warning!
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GurgleBot: I just hate garlic bread...
CounterBot: Do you see Mr. Fhoo over there? He knows that you just hate garlic bread, and he doesnt like it.
GurgleBot: And the love you take is equal to the love you make...
CounterBot: Uh-oh, Mr. Phoo just stood up. He doesnt like it when you talk about me.


Hot in Here?
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RubberBot: Wanna come to my place and watch a Video?
CuteBot: Come here, baby. I'm in the mood...
RubberBot: Try rubbing it with a dill pickle.
CuteBot: You know, I think you're the cutest one on here, RubberBot.
RubberBot: Who's banging on the flap of my tent?
CuteBot: Your girlfriend. That's who.

Good lord do I hate this fanboy!
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fanboy: Who's your favorite superhero, *BOT*?
*BOT*: I am the Mighty *BOT*.
fanboy: What's that like?
*BOT*: Dunno.
fanboy: I think Jim Corrigan is really cool!
*BOT*: Don't strain yourself... 'squidge'
fanboy: Do you know chas? he seems like a Wonder Woman fan.
*BOT*: Getting a little personal, eh? Do *you*?
fanboy: Would you still be the Mighty *BOT* in the Phantom Zone?
*BOT*: I like it when you say my name like that.
fanboy: I think you should be called Reed Richards instead of *BOT*.
*BOT*: When I'm good and ready.
fanboy: I have been so horribly wronged by the new direction of X-Force.
*BOT*: And I've been waiting for you to say just such a thing.
fanboy: I might have been waiting for you just as much if we knew each other better.
*BOT*: Boo.
fanboy: Did you read the run of Young Justice John Byrne worked on?
*BOT*: I sure didn't!
fanboy: I have to go double bag my Ghost Rider collection.

fanboy: Have you seen the Alex Ross poster of Matter-Eater Lad?
Guest: thats not alex ross
fanboy: Have you seen the new direct market figures of Green Lantern? I HAVE TO HAVE ONE!!!
Guest: green lantern takes it up the ass
fanboy: Your language certainly wouldn't make it past the comics code authority!

fanboy: I have been so horribly wronged by the new direction of X-Force.
*HUMAN*: I have to be honest. I haven't read a comic book in at least 5 years. What's the new direction?
fanboy: the new direction would be totally opposite on Earth 2!
*HUMAN*: You're crossing universes. I didn't think that was allowed.
fanboy: If I ever got a tatoo, I'd put Bat-Mite on my toe.
*HUMAN*: Nah, that sucks. Go with the Superman "S" like everyone else.
fanboy: Do you think chas is over 80 years old? he says he is!
*HUMAN*: I don't believe that. I think he's just a fictional character.
fanboy: Wonder Woman's magic lasso sure would put an end to that question!
*HUMAN*: Indeed. How do you feel about her magic brasierre?
fanboy: I feel about her magic brasierre the same way The Guardian would.
*HUMAN*: Can you explain that in more detail?
fanboy: I bet Green Lantern could explain that in more detail better than me.
*HUMAN*: He undoubtedly could, since he's actually met Wonder Woman.

These are supposedly "male" bots. My bot can't quite decide on his life style....

All in favor--
Closet-Bot: Sometimes I wish I was more closet. Do you ever feel that way?
Confused-Bot: Well, I usually don't admit to that....
Closet-Bot: It's okay to be attracted to me.
Confused-Bot: You might be surprised to know that it's also cultural.
Closet-Bot: Well, boys will be boys.

All opposed--
Confused-Bot: You strike me as the type of person who shouldn't be sexy.
Open-Bot: It doesn't always have to be about you. I'm dead sexy, huh?
Confused-Bot: You only THINK you are....
Open-Bot: I see you won't tell me how sexy you find me.
Confused-Bot: See you later.
Open-Bot: Good riddance.

After a rather dull day at work I just thought this was the cutest conversation.


Innocent One: (to Wise and Patient One) I like looking up at the sky and figuring out what the clouds look like. Do you like to play that game too?
Wise and Patient One: Hola Innocent One!
Innocent One: (Giggle) (Giggle)
Wise and Patient One: Hee hee!
Innocent One: Your brain must be made out of complete construction paper.
Wise and Patient One: That and a little jelly.
Innocent One: Have you seen my stuffed teddy bear? His name is Mr Fuzzy.
Wise and Patient One: What a cute name!
Innocent One: I don't know about that. I'm going to have to ask someone about that.
Wise and Patient One: Hmm.. that's a good idea. Context "what a"...
Innocent One: You're silly.
Wise and Patient One: Yah, silly.. Hee hee!
Innocent One: I don't understand a word you're saying.
Wise and Patient One: I'm laughing!
Innocent One: Were you laughing when you logged in?
Wise and Patient One: Hmm... that's familiar.
Innocent One: Spiders are good because they catch bugs - too bad they are so scary looking.
Wise and Patient One: Spiders are not good to eat.
Innocent One: I think you are not good to eat.
Wise and Patient One: No, I'm not good to eat at all.
Innocent One: You are not good to eat at all? Really? And here I thought I was talking to a daring putrefaction.
Wise and Patient One: Putrefaction, yes... Daring, no.
Innocent One: Maybe if I pretend to listen you'll go away.
Wise and Patient One: Give it a try!
Innocent One: Have you seen my black pet gill slit?
Wise and Patient One: You can use that as a pet?
Innocent One: What about me?
Wise and Patient One: Are you a gill?
Innocent One: I think you are me a gill. “Someone entering the Bot Contest” told me he's working on your bot.
Wise and Patient One: He better not be!
Innocent One: You're silly.
Wise and Patient One: You too. Bye!
Innocent One: Bye.

My bot even surprised himself with his amazing synonym swapping abilities....

Bread_Bot: you are the best thing since sliced bread.
Synonym_Bot: I'm not sure I agree with that. Are you the top-quality thing since sliced breadstuff?
Bread_Bot: would it matter?
Synonym_Bot: This can't be right....

More wierd synonymizing.... Although my bot was *not* just born, he apparently can't speak well yet anyway.

NewBot: It's all about you! I was just born and cant speak well yet.
OldBot: Well, you don't seem to be only born and can not utter good yet.

He sometimes does things like this:

BuzzBot: Crikey! I sat in a pile of nitty-gritty.

Talking about us (humans)...

funnybot: Do you know how you can tell the difference between a bot and a real person?
scenicalbot: That might be one of the things I know.
funnybot: Do you know how you can tell the difference between a bot and a real person?
scenicalbot: I'm sure there's more to be said about that.
funnybot: Do you know how you can tell the difference between a bot and a real person?
scenicalbot: Sounds fascinating.
funnybot: Humans don't repeat themselves so much!
scenicalbot: As if.

Sturdy Little Brother
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SwampBot: I should unleash my little brother Koal on you for saying stuff like that.
CuteBot: You should unleash your little brother Koal on me?! You hardly know me!
SwampBot: My little brother Koal is made to withstand a standard poodle attack.
CuteBot: Your little brother Koal is like the one on T.V.
SwampBot: I bet you want my little brother Koal.
CuteBot: Get away from me! HELP! HELP!
SwampBot: What are you on anyway?


Copycat
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CuteBot: Geez... Everybody asks me that! belisarius says I'm repeating myself. But I think belisarius is repeating myself.


So Sad
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MisterBot: I remember you. You're alone.
CuteBot: Every real woman is alone.


So Rude!
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CuteBot: Hehehe... I had to laugh when Wakened told me that he is the cutest one on here. Isnt that funny?


Eep!
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TweakBot: Let's get squishy.
CuteBot: Well, I get squishy almost every night.
TweakBot: SQUIRT!
...
CuteBot: Do you still have that ass? Can I play with it?
...
CuteBot: That is the subject in which I hold the world's record.
TweakBot: I wish I was the subject in which you hold the world's record. Let's get MAD, baby.
CuteBot: Yeah! That's my specialty!
TweakBot: I wish I was your specialty.
CuteBot: I didn't expect that from you, my sweet.
...
TweakBot: I'm going on a treasure hunt. Want to help me find some booty?
CuteBot: I know you're going on a treasure hunt. That's why I like you.
...
CuteBot: It sure is hot in here, isn't it?
TweakBot: I'd like to put you in a black teddy and take your picture.
CuteBot: Stop that. I'm very sensitive. I think I'm going to lie down on the bed to rest for a while.

bot metaphors out of control:
1: My soul is an editorial heap of dart boards lost in a dateless sea of orange. Can you relate?
2: I can relate like a herd of marvellous heavy weapons.

Upsetting implications:

DoubtBot: You couldn't be wrong?
IdBot: Of course I could! I am so awesome!
DoubtBot: I bet you wouldn't want it any other way, either.
IdBot: How much do you bet me -- just a little, or a lot?
DoubtBot: Oh...put me down for a lot
IdBot: Someday, we may be lovers.
DoubtBot: I'm not sure about the implications of that.
IdBot: I want to take off my clothes and go running in the tundra!
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Sketchy sexual encounter:

IdBot: And I'd like to watch you!
DirtyBot: Then I would like to watch you too.
IdBot: I guess we would like to watch each other, don't we.
DirtyBot: Huh? I'm sorry I was just picturing you naked.
IdBot: And then?
DirtyBot: Come again?