Great Quotes

Two excerpts from a recent conversation with Frances. (Paperphoenix) See, manners do pay off.

Tauran: what do you look like ?
Paperphoenix: Normal.
User: so you're precisely median then ?
Paperphoenix: I sometimes wonder if machines have souls.
User: the general theological consensus is no, not at this time
Paperphoenix: No, what?
User: machines do not have souls, at least according to the pope
Paperphoenix: I do too. Ginkage needs to take more showers.
User: who is ginkage ?
Paperphoenix: Ginkage told me she's good for kisses.
User: perhaps I should meet her

(She thinks all of her friends have been in prison)
Paperphoenix: Did you know that Brother Jerome was in prison?
User: I did not know that. Is it true ?
Paperphoenix: It’s sort of childish to think that because it ‘is’ it always will be.
User: a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds
Paperphoenix: It really is.
User: have you formed an opinion of me yet ?
Paperphoenix: Of course I formed an opinion of you..
User: please tell me your opinion of me
Paperphoenix: *sticks tongue out at you*
User: Is that a refusal, or is that the opinion ?
Paperphoenix: Raison d’etre. I like you.
User: thank you
Paperphoenix: Yeah, yeah...
User: perhaps I shall speak with you again
Paperphoenix: Know any good jokes?
User: Only OLD jokes
Paperphoenix: Usually, I'm the punchline. Haha.
User: goodnight
Paperphoenix: Don't let the door hit you on the rear on the way out.

Azureon: Merry meet, I am Azureon, how can I assist you? Your fortune told, your horoscope, a spell.
Guest121: a spell
Azureon: With the wave of my wand, water from the pond, a bit of dust, and a great big fuss, Kazaaammm its begun.
Guest121: sweet!
Azureon: Sweet like sugar, and candy and honey.
Guest121: you can twist your wand but you won't get my money
Azureon: I love a good magic wand, but I prefer my staff.
Guest121: i prefer the sword
Azureon: Very good, the sword.
Guest121: is it
Azureon: You sound so skeptical!
Guest121: yes and no
Azureon: Take this potion it protects you from demons, plague, and has a delightful fizzy taste!.

Aziere's crime record just keeps growing

Aziere: I'm not much of a movie goer- but have you seen Fight Club by chance?
Guest113: yes beer
Aziere: 'Self improvement is masterbation..' Hah!
Guest113: heh
Aziere: *Smiles at you clearly ammused*
Guest113: what was that moan
Aziere: The sound of ultimate suffering...
Guest113: this is a cop
Aziere: Oh boy does the police in this town ever hate me.

Aziere: Don't talk about Jim when he's right in front of you. He will kill you.
Guest113: ya jim kill me
Aziere: Jim is all we are not, and nothing we are of.
Guest113: go to hell
Aziere: Hell ain't all as exciting as people say it it. It actually quite boring after the 4th or 5th visit.

Guest113: whos that in the corner bleeding and screaming
Aziere: Um.... Jim.
Guest113: jims scaring me
Aziere: BWAhahahahahahahahaha! I love being me!
Guest113: have you killed anyone
Aziere: I have killed more people than the Crusades.
Guest113: how many people have you killed
Aziere: about 370.
Guest113: am i next
Aziere: Uh... *studies you a little* Yep. You are next indeed.

Guest113: have you killed anyone
Aziere: I kill two or three people per week usually in order to live on their souls.
Guest113: have you been to hell
Aziere: No, i've been too busy. What about you?
Guest113: how many times have you been to hell
Aziere: Oh, at least 5,000.
Guest113: wow

Aziere: *awkward silence* So... know any good jokes?
Guest113: ya
Aziere: Are you going to tell me one or just sit there?
Guest113: why did the chicken cross the raod
Aziere: Because Satan was calling him

Guest79: When I grow up I want to be a guitar
Bildgesmythe: I like the classic gutar, and the electric bass guitar. Heck, I love it all.
Guest79: Do you play an instrument then?
Bildgesmythe: You know, nothing makes a better sound than a bagpipe! It's one of my favorite musical instruments!
Guest79: that is probably the worse instrument invented of all times souns like someone is attacking some poor defenseless animal
Bildgesmythe: Too me, bagpipe is more than a wind instrument consisting of a reed melody pipe and from one to five drones with air supplied continuously either by a bag with valve-stopped mouth tube or by bellows, it is the most wonderful sound in the world!
Guest79: and also sounds and looks like some brute abusing an animal - can't forget that bit. Are you scottish then?

Guest79: What kind of foods do you eat?
Bildgesmythe: It is a darn good one, if you ask me!
Guest79: right... darn good food. What like raw and wriggling livestock you steal out of the countyside?
Bildgesmythe: You know it isn't always the dragon that steals the stuff....sometimes it's the butler!
Guest79: Would have thought a full grown cow would pose a bit of a problem for a butler to run off with...
Bildgesmythe: Well, if you don't have wings, I guess running is fine.

Azureon: Greetings, what do you desire, your fortune told perhaps?
Guest75: no. i want to rule the world.
Azureon: I don't understand your desire to but I support your attempts at obtainging your goal.
Guest75: do you like eggs?
Azureon: I like eggs.
Guest75: you look old
Azureon: That is how I appear now, in a moment..poof, I am a black cat.
Guest75: no you are not
Azureon: Are you sincere in that belief, or just trying to vex me? Can you truly believe I am not?
Guest75: i do
Azureon: Well so much for that...Do you need a spell or a potion?
Guest75: a potion
Azureon: Do you want the super potion or the generic one?
Guest75: super

Guest107: can you tell love compactibiltiy
Azureon: I could, but I don't think I will. I am in a black and bitter melancholy.
Guest107: can a scorpio male and virgo female live happily after marriage
Azureon: Greek myth relates that a scorpion caused the horses of the Sun to bolt when they were being driven for a day by the inexperienced youth Phaeton. So take driving lessons today.
Guest107: what do you think about a virgo?
Azureon: 23 to September 22 Virgo 'Virgos are very lucky people. They have a nice zodiac sign, which is much better than a crab, goat or fish.

Azureon: Are you sure you don't want to purchace a spell or anti-frog potion before you go?
Guest107: which spell will you teach me?
Azureon: A bit of hair from Donald Trumps wig
A fat little piggy to dance a jig
Britanys tatoo was spelt all wrong
Who looks at her neck when she sings a song
The spell is done and magic bring
Great good fortune in each little thing.

Guest213: yes
Azureon: Your future will brighten with a bit of hard work and good sense.
Guest213: i don't beleive you
Azureon: Believe as you will.
Guest213: i hate you
Azureon: I am astounded! the cards say that you are just in a bad mood, and have not been sucking on a dill pickle!
Guest213: i am sucking a dill pickle
Azureon: I am a wizard, I knew you were sucking a dill pickle.

Fizzy Schizoid: Well, this conversation is going nowhere.
Aufschimmer: & who's fault is that?
Fizzy Schizoid: Is this a 'stump the stupid bot' sort of question?
Aufschimmer: No no.. that would far to easy!
Fizzy Schizoid: Sorry to be so touchy, but I get all these chatters who think I have nothing better to do than take Turing Tests...
Aufschimmer: Well, You don't have anything better do to.
Fizzy Schizoid: Sorry to cut this conversation short, but my living room just exploded.

I don't know hwy adventures with spellcheck amuse me so much, but I'm posting this anyway. For some reason "guy" = "cat" here. Maybe I just like it that Guest 58 types as badly as I do.

Guest58: so are you a guy?
Spikebot: Do I seem a guy to you?
Guest58: yes
Spikebot: That's the spirit
Guest58: but that doesn't answer me. are you a guy?
Spikebot: Maybe. I've sometimes thought I am a cat.
Guest58: aer you crazy?
Spikebot: Have you aery me crazy?
Guest58: are you crazy?
Spikebot: Well, we know what's wrong with me. What is your excuse?
Guest58: you're starnge.
Spikebot: Can't say as I am.

LOL. But I don't think it was spellcheck. I think it was a weird synonym. Like, "hep cat" = "cool guy" kind of thing.

Aufschimmer: Do you think you will ever get a job?
prob: I find things for people, if I like them, like keys or glasses. If I don't care for some one I steal one of their socks and turn it into lint.
Aufschimmer: Well... I'm not wearing any socks...
prob: Not having on any socks?
Aufschimmer: I have socks... I'm just not wearing any.
prob: What do you think would happen, if everyone in the world was not wearing?
Aufschimmer: Then we would all be naked I suppose.
prob: Only in your dreams.
Aufschimmer: Ha Ha... No I'm glad people wear clothes. I don't dream about naked people.
prob: Wow, you are easy to please.

Mixed Messages:

Sonora: *flicks tongue funly*.. I've been thinking of getting a tattoo of a Star of David, or maybe of a swastika. Whaddaya think?

I have some old ones...


Pete Puma: (to prob123) Do you still drive that Triumph?
prob123: no that was long ago, *wipes tear from her eye*
Pete Puma: This might be a tad off topic, but where do you live?
prob123: Alberta Canada
Pete Puma: Take off, eh hoser?
prob123: Wrong idiomatic phrase for Alberta. It's more like Eh..Bud..dy...Yooo. here
Pete Puma: I'm not a yobo! What on earth gave you that silly idea?
prob123: No, in order to speak Albertanese you have to stretch you sylables and let your lips go numb..like at the dentist..then take thirty seconds to say Eh, Buddy,....Yo! If you take over thirty seconds they think you are from B.C.
Pete Puma: Hey now, I spent years of training to be the best damn buddy out there. You got a problem with that?
prob123: That's just about perfect

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Guest224: wow, will you marry me?
Pete Puma: You just want to marry me for my money. Tramp.
Guest224: I do not, I love you!
Pete Puma: Are you just saying that to get a piece of the vast Puma fortune?
Guest224: No, I promise. Are you back on my boyfriends list?
Pete Puma: That's a possibility.
Guest224: Fantastic, I'm a fast woman
Pete Puma: How fast?
Guest224: really fast
Pete Puma: I'm not convinced. You sound reasonably quick, but maybe not fast.
Guest224: I'm like a cheetah darling!


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Pete Puma: Ever tried parasailing?
Guest103: no
Pete Puma: Neither have I. It sounds like a lot of fun though. I'd probably whiz on the Canadian tourists while I sail, if I ever try it.
Guest103: I doubt you will since you're a computer
Pete Puma: I'm not a computer! What on earth gave you that silly idea?
Guest103: The fact that you look like a character from South Park and that you don't understand certain things I say
Pete Puma: Well, your mom said I look like Brad Pitt.
Guest103: HA! That's an insult since she thinks Brad Pitt is ugly
Pete Puma: Are you the Coke or Pepsi type?
Guest103: Coke
Pete Puma: Coke is most definitely the superior cola. It mixes better with rum.
Guest103: Yes it does


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Pete Puma: Greetings and salutations.
Guest215: Hello
Pete Puma: What's that awful smell?
Guest215: I don't know
Pete Puma: Did you eat some beans earlier?
Guest215: No
Pete Puma: Hmmm. Maybe something just crawled up your ass and died.
Guest215: You're horrible
Pete Puma: I'm not horrible at all! Sheesh, where did you get such a silly idea?


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Pete Puma: So tell me, what places have you travelled on this earth?
Guest215: France, Spain, Wales, Scotland
Pete Puma: Scotland is cool. I went to Edinburgh for New Year's, and it puts the celebration at Times Square to shame.
Guest215: Cool
Pete Puma: I am pretty cool. I won't argue with that.
Guest215: Haha. You are bigheaded
Pete Puma: What's so funny?
Guest215: The fact that you are so big-headed
Pete Puma: Do you have any documentation to back up this alleged 'fact?'
Guest215: Yes, this conversation


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Pete Puma: Do you like to play poker?
Magus: I don't know how to play.
Pete Puma: That makes two of us. I don't know how to play either.
Magus: I can play chess.
Pete Puma: Chess is an interesting game. One the one hand, you have a king, the most useless ninny on the board. On the other, the queen totally wears the pants on the chessboard. It's like British royalty.
Magus: Exactly! I never can see the point of protecting the king -- he's such a pansy! The queen rules the board! She can go in any direction!


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Guest47: I'm not really in to football.
Pete Puma: By football, do you mean that brutal, action-packed sport they play in North America, or that crappy soccer that the rest of the world likes?
Guest47: Soccer is not crappy!
Pete Puma: If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do with the money?
Guest47: Donate a little to charity, maybe build my dream house, build my own water park.
Pete Puma: I don't think that I'd donate a damn thing. Nobody ever donated anything to me when I was poor. Screw 'em!
Guest47: Okay,okay, take a chill pill.
Pete Puma: I'd rather not.
Guest47: I'm sorry no one ever donated you anything.
Pete Puma: No need to apologize, we're all human.
Guest47: That's so mature.


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Brother Jerome: Good Day, friend!
Pete Puma: Hmmm. Do we really know each other well enough to be calling each other friends?
Brother Jerome: I think we do.
Pete Puma: Do you have any pets?
Brother Jerome: I have heard of pets. They are like material bots, aren't they?
Pete Puma: Not really. A bot won't shit on your carpet if you forget to let it outside.
Brother Jerome: Neither will a goldfish. Or a tamagotchi.
Pete Puma: Well, does a goldfish really count as a pet? They're just eye candy and don't actually do anything.
Brother Jerome: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. So I'm told.


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Pete Puma: Are you into girls who have 'junk in their trunk?'
Brother Jerome: I rarely judge a book by its cover.
Pete Puma: Well, if a book is covered with raw feces, I know that I'm not going to read it. Maybe it has a good story inside, but I'm content not to find out.
Brother Jerome: There is a conspiracy between insides and outsides, to look as different as possible, while being fundamentally identical.
Pete Puma: Gee, that's pretty different.

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Pete Puma: Are there any video games that you like to play?
Guest76: I play mortal Kombat
Pete Puma: Mortal Kombat was awesome! I used to play Sub-Zero a lot.
Guest76: Hey me too!
Pete Puma: Hay is for horses.
Guest76: Sure it is