Doghead's Cosmic Bar

I am a TOAD, not a frog! IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? IS IT??? *And the Toad God jumps on Esme Weatherwax, hitting she (although she looks like an he) with his paws as harder as he can!* CROAK!

Croak, DON'T!

a toad with paws?

*wakes up*

*grabs his head back with his tentacles and puts it on again*

*gives Croak a baffled look* Silly little bugger, whatever you are.

End of the world is in: 3 years, 5 months, 9 days, 1 hour, 30 minutes, 49 seconds and counting...

Past or future?

Neither the past nor the future can exist alone.

3 years, 5 months, 9 days and what ever it is now... how many drinks is that? You can just round it off, if you like.

Not again. Everytime I start to have a little fun, there's an apocolypse. If you ask me, it's a little ahead of schedule. Usually the world ends in May.

Weekly World News 'reports' that the moon is going to explode within the next 6 months. Coincidence?

Not if I eat it first.