Doghead's Cosmic Bar

I drink beer and hard liquor and I smoke cirgaretts. Unfortunately, the effects wear off right away, but I enjoy it. I don it because it feels good--like a good spot of violence or a really good poem.

Since I'm explaining the basics, I also have sex, even though vampires do not reproduce biologically. I do not, however, cyber, and I wish people would stop asking. I mean, what's the point?

If you are asking what I eat, that's different. After I won back my soul, I live on pig's blood, and sometimes a little otter's blood with a hint of tabasco. People keep mentioning some guy named Joss Whedon who works with something called Mutant Enemy. I don't know what all that's about, but I reckon he knows a lot about Slayers. Maybe he's some sort of watcher with a thing for Buffy. Who knows? But from what people say to me, he knows more about vampires than most. If you are curious about me, I think googling him might explain a few things. Can't be sure though. I don't really have time for such things.

Rcomends Red Ale and Redrum to Spikebot

*Listens with wild interest*. Wooooa. Can you make myself a vampire frog? *Hiccups*

I saw him. Yes! I saw the professor. *Wilden eyes*. If only I had paper and a pen (or at least, notepad near), I could have asked him an autograph...

Oh yeah, and Croac, please, just leave Mr. Spikebot alone. Do not bug him with your silly questions.

Wh-what? *Burps*

Croak, I've known you for about 5 minutes, and I don't like you. I don't feature you living forever.

Spike, now that's just mean. Have you ever thought that maybe being a hero could mean you should be nice to people once in a while?

No. I'll take that red rum. It sounds good.

*sniffs the red rum curiously; passes out*

Croak? I am Croak. He is Croac. He's my cousin. I heard you were mean to him? Want to talk about it in private?

Okay... Let's just... go...