Doghead's Cosmic Bar

So....if I imagine that I've lost an imaginary bottle of beer...that means I have one bottle of beer?
*finds a box of chocolate covered grasshoppers*

YIPPEEE!!!

I stumble over a barstool. hay barkep gemme a nother one ok?
Pass's out onto bar.

*imagines that he has lost an imaginary monkey*

*Eats all fruit in bar*

*clutches Simulo's imaginary monkey possessively*

*squares Simulo's imaginary monkey, making it a real negative monkey*

Uh-oh... No, DON'T PICK ME UP!!!
*really negative imaginary monkey grabs Sonora in one hand and climbs up a column*

Quick! Square it again, so it will be a real positive monkey!

*attempts to square the monkey*
Too bad its arms are wrapped around the pole or I could integrate over the boundary and make it vanish!

No problem -- I'm pretty sure that's really a removable dicontinuity! *pulls out rocket launcher and fires at the column*

*integrates over the boundary of the monkey to make it disappear*
*walks out of the wreckage dizzily*
Okay, what happened to those chocolate grasshoppers? I feel a chocolate attack coming on!

Math is such a violent sport.