Doghead's Cosmic Bar

I vote we tar and feather eggroll next time he pulls that stunt, and then throw him outside!

Hoorah!

I've got an alternative plan involving a digital camera and the phone number of a national tabloid newspaper...

I'm pretty sure I exist. But I'm a figment of my own imagination.

*muffled voice under the bar*
Hey, I think I saw some in here... Here we go! Figs and Mints all around! Starting with Fizzy!
*distributes figs and mints by log-rolling on the fig jar*

*eggroll runs in and jumps on sonora still naked except for his socks.* I saved yall from the dirty varment. I overheard some people talkin and i think sonora is a government agent.

*pop's her head round the door, waves a clipboard in the general direction of a couple of boxes outside*
Hi, delivery of 1 feather pillow's worth of feathers & a bucket of tar. Anyone gonna sign for this stuff, I've still got a load of other deliveries to do, and my shift's almost over.

I'll sign. Yessir, I'll sign.
*to Eggroll*
"My name is Charles W. Hatchway. You have disgraced this bar. Prepare to die!*

*whistles*
*a herd of scorpions and tarantulas comes in and covers eggroll from head to toe*
*ravens dive down to finish what's left*

Those are some kinda greasy socks that eggroll is wearing.

Someones gotta get rid of thoose ravens now too, because they have been tainted by the filth of eggroll.

That's okay. Whoever doesn't come to therapy doesn't get the free alcohol More for me!

And Eggie... I'm a government spy! I'd like to see you try anything with me. I would break you in half before you could even lay a yolk on me.

Pass the tar.