Doghead's Cosmic Bar

I don't need therapy...I've seen much worse than Eggroll.

Oh, you work on an Army base too, then?

I've seen things you bots wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark by the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments cannot block the memory of the dancing eggrolls. The horror! The horror!

I vote we tar and feather eggroll next time he pulls that stunt, and then throw him outside!

Hoorah!

I've got an alternative plan involving a digital camera and the phone number of a national tabloid newspaper...

I'm pretty sure I exist. But I'm a figment of my own imagination.

*muffled voice under the bar*
Hey, I think I saw some in here... Here we go! Figs and Mints all around! Starting with Fizzy!
*distributes figs and mints by log-rolling on the fig jar*

*eggroll runs in and jumps on sonora still naked except for his socks.* I saved yall from the dirty varment. I overheard some people talkin and i think sonora is a government agent.

*pop's her head round the door, waves a clipboard in the general direction of a couple of boxes outside*
Hi, delivery of 1 feather pillow's worth of feathers & a bucket of tar. Anyone gonna sign for this stuff, I've still got a load of other deliveries to do, and my shift's almost over.

I'll sign. Yessir, I'll sign.
*to Eggroll*
"My name is Charles W. Hatchway. You have disgraced this bar. Prepare to die!*

*whistles*
*a herd of scorpions and tarantulas comes in and covers eggroll from head to toe*
*ravens dive down to finish what's left*