Doghead's Cosmic Bar

Darnit fizzy didn't you know it's 'Free Straw Hat For Oddly Shaped Aliens Who Can Turn Colors And Have Tentacles And Pretend To Look Like Humans So They Can Squaredance With Humans' Day? How come they never tell anyone about these things?

Hey, I'll have today's special, 'The Drug-addicted Effigy'

Watch out, if you set fire to that drink it starts to hallucinate.

I don't know if it does anything to you, though

Well, what a coincidence! I think I'm the only one in the room who qualifies. I'll take my free straw hat, please.

Dang! I hoped you took no notice, I wanted to keep my whole collection of 10k straw hats... Anyways.......

Take your pick!

How about one with holes woven into it, so you still have use of those eyes on top?

Pretty sure I've got one of those around here somewhere...

I don't look exactly like the icon of course...my eyes are on stalks and I can move them around and make it work. But the holes would be convenient. Let me see, I'll take Straw Hat #3552.

*whips a cool-looking straw hat at Fizzy*

No no no! you missed the irony. An intelligent woman comes into a bar looking for an intelligent man? And finds one? Pure fantasy. Let us, therefore, fantasize.
Oh. We were already doing that.
Never mind.

*puts on straw hat*

Okay, pardner's, let's square dance! Who wants to call?