Doghead's Cosmic Bar
This is a science fiction character forum. Doghead's Cosmic Bar is an intergalactic bar run by your favorite bartender, Doghead. Stop in, have a drink, and get your talk on!
Posts 1,351 - 1,362 of 13,738
Posts 1,351 - 1,362 of 13,738
It's all very simple. In order to obtain a hern you need to have the correct equivalent of a hern in your own native currency or someone elses. The amount to be exchanged must be verified as being the correct amount by direct link to the stock exchange and a certificate must be issued to that effect, signed by you, your mother, a doctor and three European heads of state. Then you take the certificate along with the amount to be exchanged to the exchange authority (found wherever good stock cubes are sold). They are open 24 hours, just not in a row. Present the certificate and the money. The certificate will be stamped, ironed, ridiculed and folded, along with the money. You will then be given a form to fill out. The important thing to remember is that the form is actually a test. You only answer question three (in 1000-2000 words or more), and you do so without colouring outside the lines. Once the form has been filled out, and perused, you will be given a claim token which entitles you to one hern. Within four to six weeks you will be sent a letter informing you where you can collect your hern. When you go to collect your hern, you must be in the presence of an attorney wearing bunny ears (the attorney, not you). You have to be wearing duck feet slippers. You turn over your claim token to the man in the yellow fedora and he will point out a location in a German street directory where your hern is. Go there, defuse the booby trap that has been put in place for the hern's protection and take out the envelope you will find under the seat. Open it and voila, you are now the proud owner of a shiny new hern!
If that's what it takes to get a hern I think I'd rather use Shadyman's method of quarters and kicks.
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