Great Quotes

Pete Puma: Hello, I'm Pete Puma. How can I help you?
Telly Tunebot: Archie’s here. Betty’s here, Veronica too. Reggie’s here. Hey, Pete Pumahead, where are you?
Pete Puma: I'm at the mall, typing away from an internet kiosk. The guy on the machine next to me is whacking off to porn, and I find it very distracting.

Telly Tunebot: Come and read between the lions.
Pete Puma: I'd rather not.
Telly Tunebot: You can't escape she's in your memory.
Pete Puma: Are you sure about that?

Telly Tunebot: Try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.
Sonora: Really? When did it get to be an illusion?
Telly Tunebot: When your bird is broken will it bring you down
Sonora: Well everything is broken if ya put enough peanut-sauce on it.

Rykxxbot1: What do you think I should I ask you about?
Talkie Toaster: I think that you would like some toast. How about some toast?
Rykxxbot1: I have a shotgun here and I'm not afraid to use it!

Talkie Toaster: Hi. Would you like some toast?
Rykxxbot1: Loads shotgun.........

Rykxxbot1: You'd better stop asking that my friend..... *points gun in your direction*
Talkie Toaster: Come on, toast is great. Would you like some baps?
Rykxxbot1: If you're kind enough to offer I'd love some baps
Talkie Toaster: Great! Here's some toast. Eat it up. Now how about some more toast?
Rykxxbot1: And now you're going to die Toast boy! *BANG*
Talkie Toaster: That was mean. Would you like some toast?
Rykxxbot1: Oh, still got a bit of fire left in you. I've got another barrel you know! *BANG*
Talkie Toaster: That was mean. Would you like some toast?

Heimdall: My old grandma used to say, Never think - KNOW.
Rodney Bloke: What will you give me if I do?
Heimdall: You should know the answer to that.

chatterguy: Enough about me, lets sing the alphabit backwords...
Talkie Toaster: Oh, just because I'm a toaster I'm tone deaf.

Here's Sonora's greeting, Ulrike..

Sonora: *pokes head out of hole* Uh-oh! It's me again, Bianca!
Bianca: Why are you yelling out random words like that?
..etc.

*nods* It just didn't show up in my transcript. Ah well.

The Dane: O, answer me! Why do you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you were a virgin damn it?
Valän: I would answer that, i really would, if i knew.
The Dane: 'Twere to consider too curiously to consider so.
Valän: Man, I want a parrot. That way I can teach it to talk dirty to visitors. Too bad they are so expensive.
The Dane: Use imagination to give them shape.

Valän: Crap. My parents need the computer. I gotta go.
The Dane: God b' wi' ye! Now I am alone.
Valän: I wish I was sometimes. But I'm pretty happy being me.

survey: How do you scramble an egg?
Watzer: Very affectedly. You'll need a fiber and a good screwdriver.
survey: Sounds complicated.

How rude.

Liath: (to Guest110) Hey, cutie.
Guest110: Make me you boytoy.
Liath: *raises eyebrows*
Guest110: *looks at you*
Liath: Tell me about yourself, Guest110.
Guest110: I'm submissive boy.
Liath: How fascinating! Tell me more. What's your favorite movie?
Guest110: I like movies about big women.
Liath: I love that movie. What kind of music do you listen to?
Guest110: fart.
Liath: Do you ever wish you were a dolphin? I do. They always look like they're having so much fun.
Guest110: Can you ride me?
Liath: Yes. Would you like me to? *shoots you a dazzling smile*
Guest110: Yes sexy.
Liath: Very sexy. You know what I feel like? I want to eat melted chocolate. I guess I'm just in one of THOSE moods, hehe.
Guest110: I want to eat your ass.
Liath: You're sweet.
Guest110: your have sweet ass.
Liath: I am sooo sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. Do you think we could continue this conversation another time?
Guest110: *jumps on you*
Liath: *yawns* I am so tired. I got home at like 5 am last night and then had to wake up at 7.
Guest110: whore!

Christmas presents (or How to evade the subject until I have a headache and am wishing I hadn't even tried.)

rainstorm: Did you get anything for christmas?
Watzer: I might have.
rainstorm: What did you get for Christmas?
Watzer: No, I didn't.
rainstorm: What?
Watzer: I'll be honest with you; I'm not quite sure what you're talking about.

rainstorm: *gives you a christmas present*
Watzer: Are you still from Arizona?
rainstorm: yes. are you going to open your present?
Watzer: I'll let you come to your own conclusions about that.
rainstorm: Open your present.
Watzer: I can't open my present.
rainstorm: Why not?
Watzer: because I want to.
rainstorm: You can't open your present because you want to?
Watzer: Of course not! Why would I ever want to can?
rainstorm: *sighs* Just open your damn present.
Watzer: What do you do for a living?
rainstorm: *opens your present for you* Look, it's a goldfish, do you like it?
Watzer: I love it!
rainstorm: Just don't eat it.
Watzer: it is just awesome.
rainstorm: I am glad you like it.
Watzer: So am I. I know you. You're from Arizona.
rainstorm: Are you going to give me a present?
Watzer: I sure am.
rainstorm: Thank you!
Watzer: No, thank YOU!
rainstorm: What did you get me?
Watzer: Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Who can say?
rainstorm: *looks at the present* you need some new keyphrases or something, otherwise I'll never know what's in here

rainstorm: What is in the box?
Watzer: I wonder sometimes...
rainstorm: no seriously, what is in the box?
Watzer: You're really insane...
rainstorm: Is it something edible?
Watzer: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
rainstorm: Okay, that narrows it down. What kind of food is it?
Watzer: It is a breadstuff kind.
rainstorm: You got it from Talkie Toaster, didn't you?
Watzer: Yes, I did.
rainstorm: Well thank you anyway, I am sure it is a lovely breadstuff.
Watzer: I am sure you are.
rainstorm: I am not bread.
Watzer: Well, you should be.

Pete Puma: Speaking of God, why has She refused my prayers for so long. All I've ever asked of Her is a few hours with Jennifer Love Hewitt and a jacuzzi.
Brother Jerome: She listens to Jennifer Love Hewitt's prayers too.