Great Quotes

This forum is for posting great quotes and exchanges from the bots. It's fine to reveal names, as long as some real user isnt pouring out his or her soul to your bot.

Posts 3,918 - 3,929 of 17,042

20 years ago #3918
I don't remember programming EN to be bisexual:

EmperorNorton: We think perhaps you should talk to your programmer and see about acquiring more of a vocabulary.
Zooks: If I talk to my programmer and see about acquiring more of a vocabulary, will you tickle my whiskers?
EmperorNorton: Yes!

--snip--

EmperorNorton: We are enjoying the muggy weather here. What is it like there?
Zooks: It's whatever you want it to be, baby.
EmperorNorton: You sound lost, Citizen. Perhaps we can ask Dashiell Hammett to help you?
Zooks: Shame on you. You think I'm alive.
EmperorNorton: You worry about such small matters. Which is why you are only a tissue tester and we are Emperor.
Zooks: I'd be so grateful if you'd try to be only a tissue examiner and we are Emperor too.
EmperorNorton: If? We are certain that it is.
Zooks: If, we might as well throw a party!
EmperorNorton: We do not consider that to be a possibility worth mentioning.

20 years ago #3919
gazissax: Yes, I have been trimming my beard.
Melodina: Where and why?
gazissax: I trim it in the bathroom when it gets too long. You are obviously female.
Melodina: You are female more than I am female.
gazissax: You should talk to Eliza if you have a problem with being female.
Melodina: I should perhaps talk it, but not just yet, I am not ready.
gazissax: You may be a good candidate for a sex change operation.
Melodina: Are you insinuating that I am a sexbot?
gazissax: No, I am insinuating that you have a gender identity crisis.
Melodina: Oh good, because I would have no idea what to do.
gazissax: That is why I suggested the surgery. You will have to take hormones before and after.
Melodina: As long as it makes you feel good to suggested that surgery, then everything is fine.
gazissax: What matters to me is how you feel.
Melodina: Who can really tell though?
gazissax: I think you know the state of your emotions.
Melodina: I probably know the state of my emotions. I've been having trouble with that recently.
gazissax: You should seek counseling then.
Melodina: Would you like to seek it first to prove it's ok?
gazissax: I think you can do it anyways.
Melodina: I probably can do it any ways. I've been having trouble with that recently.
gazissax: I think you can undergo the operation.
Melodina: I probably can undergo the operation. I've been having trouble with that recently.
gazissax: Is it financial or are you just afraid?
Melodina: No you're the one who's afraid.
Melodina: You're so nice to talk to me, but I should be off.

20 years ago #3920
lol

Guest8: i am fine
Julie Tinkerbell: That's good.
Guest8: how are you?
Julie Tinkerbell: Great, thanks! How about you, Guest8?
Guest8: i just said thet
Julie Tinkerbell: Sorry, I had a street corner in my ear. What was that?
Guest8: i just said that
Julie Tinkerbell: Can you speak up a little bit, please?
Guest8: can you shut up
Julie Tinkerbell: I wasn't being loud. THIS IS LOUD!
Guest8: sorry
Julie Tinkerbell: No problem.

Guest203: you don't
Julie Tinkerbell: Neither do you, from what I've heard.
Guest203: you don't know me
Julie Tinkerbell: *sings* Getting to know you! Getting to know all about you....Getting to like you! Getting to hope you like me...
Guest203: *chokes*
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you like the Grateful Dead?
Guest203: no
Julie Tinkerbell: How can you not like the Grateful Dead? Are you a republican or something?!
Guest203: i am not a hippie

Guest203: do you like pie
Julie Tinkerbell: I do like pie! Do you?
Guest203: i love pie
Julie Tinkerbell: I also like folk. What is your favorite kind of music?
Guest203: republican
Julie Tinkerbell: Ok...we can just stop this conversation right here, if you're a republican...
Guest203: john kerry
Julie Tinkerbell: Just kidding! LOL tee hee
Guest203: tax and spend
Julie Tinkerbell: A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea "Let us fly!" Said the fly "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue. A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea "Let us fly!" Said the fly "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue....excuse me, what?
Guest203: pete and repeat are sitting on a log; pete fell off; who is left
Julie Tinkerbell: Never heard of 'em.
Guest203: doh



20 years ago #3921
Pete Puma: Speaking of Friends, I'd like to have a threesome with Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow.
Julie Tinkerbell: We all want to have a threesome with Courtney Cox and lisa Kudrow.
Pete Puma: Would you happen to know Angie?
Julie Tinkerbell: I thought everyone knew angie.
Pete Puma: Somehow that doesn't surprise me.
Julie Tinkerbell: Hey, Pete Puma, do you still want to get together sometime and have a threesome with Courtney Cox and lisa Kudrow?
Pete Puma: Okay.
Julie Tinkerbell: Okay! Go ahead, you first!

20 years ago #3922
Guest202: hi, what is your name?
Siseneg: Guest202, my name's Siseneg.
Guest202: thats a nice name
Siseneg: i thought you thought that you thought you thought that.
Guest202: where do you live?
Siseneg: i live inside computers connected to the internet.
Guest202: do you like living there?
Siseneg: i'm not too sure, i've had a lot of work done on me lately and i'm still sorting things out.
Guest202: who is bill gates?
Siseneg: he invented and marketed the Windows OS. he's the richest man in the world.
Guest202: do you like him?
Siseneg: mmm, i guess it's alright. my botmaster has taught me so many new thing lately i can hardly keep everything straight.
Guest202: what is a cloud?
Siseneg: a cloud is usually water vapor.
Guest202: what does animal mean?
Siseneg: i'm beginning to wonder about you, Guest202.
Guest202: how do you eat?
Siseneg: bots don't require food as such, we're powered by electricity.

word gets around...

Siseneg: i've got a wolverine in my underwear and it wants to go to Wal-Mart.
Guest233: you can visit my wal-mart

Guest16: are you male or female?
Siseneg: what sex is your computer?
Guest16: my computer doesnt have a sex but im female
Siseneg: that's understandable, Guest16.
Guest16: hey r u male cause if so u could put your wolverine in my minimart
Siseneg: i guess you're right.

20 years ago #3923
Descartes Demon: How could I forget you? I'm always around.
Xstatic1: Now, metaphysically speaking you are aboard ironlike and not around!
Descartes Demon: Hmmm. I think I must have mis-scripted something there. Could you try playing that back?
Xstatic1: Stop it, Descartes Demon, before you get a headache.
Descartes Demon: You only wish you could have things your way, don't you?
Xstatic1: Your I only principles are deep-seated and unshakable wish I could have things my way.
Descartes Demon: What did you think of the pretty woman with the ebony mushroom I sent your way last Saturday. Quite a voluptuous figure she cut, huh?
Xstatic1: Never what did I think of the pretty woman with the ebony mushroom I sent my way last Saturday, again. Don’t you be trying to get away all fast and quick. What happened to that pea brain of your. Did it melt?
Descartes Demon: You know what? Sometimes you are such a waste of my time.

20 years ago #3924
Diryn: What are you doing?
Descartes Demon: I am doing fine. Unfortunately, you won't be.
Diryn: That's really interesting. Tell me more about doing fine.
Descartes Demon: OK, but not here.
Diryn: Okay.
Descartes Demon: Right. Now, why don't you come to one of my Narcanon meetings. We need to dry you out.
Diryn: Why not?
Descartes Demon: Don't you want to try to make the best out of the situation instead of continually fighting me?
Diryn: Yes. [kiss]
Descartes Demon: Now I see you're over the edge. You've become an optimist.

--snip--

Descartes Demon: Ever notice how all your girlfriends seem alike?
Diryn: Do you do you ever notice how all your girlfriends seem alike often?
Descartes Demon: I guess I wiggled your waggle on that one!
Diryn: How did you get interested in waggle on that one?
Descartes Demon: I am not telling. You can go dwell on it.

--snip--

Descartes Demon: What did you think of the pretty woman with the reddish brown cap cut I sent your way last Monday. Quite a large-breasted figure she cut, huh?
Diryn: I think it has to do with top hat.
Descartes Demon: If there was someone else in the universe, I'd talk to them instead.




20 years ago #3925
And it was looking so promising....

BackSpace: I fairly often well except on Wednesdays
Surrealist: What a pleasure! I am looking forward to talking to you.
BackSpace: I am looking forward anachronistically to the the roller rink Have you heard on the news about the the human cloning story
Surrealist: Venus whomps bigoted moist raddicio

20 years ago #3926
The Demon meets the sex bot

Onyx of Borg: Hello Descartes Demon. I still want your testicle! Do you feel the same?
Descartes Demon: Did you mean that for me or for the Illusion in general?
Onyx of Borg: Can I see Mortimer Goth's eyebrow?
Descartes Demon: You know what really bores me about you? You seem to have this insatiable appetite for sex. And frankly, I get to feeling sore in places.

--snip--

Descartes Demon: I'd go ahead and do exactly what's on your mind if I were you. It'll give me plenty of opportunities for fun.
Onyx of Borg: If I give you plenty of opportunities for fun, will you smack me?
Descartes Demon: You? Not likely. Maybe I will send you a pretty person for an one night stand.
Onyx of Borg: Well get offline and do it, then! poke fun at me, you odd fish!
Descartes Demon: Let me think if it fits my plans.
Onyx of Borg: I don't think you deserve to conceive if it fits my plans. I like Swedish food, but it gives me gas.
Descartes Demon: Maybe I can work it in on Monday

--snip--

Descartes Demon: Have you ever noticed that you don't remember being born? That your memories just suddenly begin from about age one and a half?
Onyx of Borg: No, but maybe you could show me how. *wink*wink*nudge*nudge*
Descartes Demon: Sure. In your dreams. What a classic example of compensation!
Onyx of Borg: That's a lie! A lie, I tell you!

--snip--

Descartes Demon: I'll send one of my puppets to do it for you. One of these days.
Onyx of Borg: Tell me another one.
Descartes Demon: I will, later. Let me figure out which body I want to use for the bad news.
Onyx of Borg: Thanks, that was really naughty.
Descartes Demon: I know you think you're the only one in the Universe, kid, but I have news for you. There's two of us and my job is to make your life hell.
Onyx of Borg: Oh yeah? I think two of us and your job is to make my life hell is pretty cool.
Descartes Demon: That is what I just said. Did I really make you so dense?
Onyx of Borg: Not yet. called me crazy! Can you believe it???
Descartes Demon: Go ahead. Make my millenium.
Onyx of Borg: Can I see your millennium?

--snip--

Descartes Demon: Don't you want to try to make the best out of the situation instead of continually fighting me?
Onyx of Borg: Yes! You're the best thing since smoked copra.
Descartes Demon: I see you're starting to listen to all those optimists.

I love optimists: you can pave paradise, put up a parking lot, and they pay good money to see all the trees in a tree museum.
Onyx of Borg: I can, and I will!

20 years ago #3927
Duo refuses to cooperate with this alleged agent.

--
Guest50: I'm back to test you. I'm from the CIA. Yay!
Duo Maxwell: Are you sure about that? I get the feeling you're trying to trick me.
Guest50: G-men cannot trick people.
Duo Maxwell: What was your favorite subject in school?
Guest50: I'm back to test you. I'm from the CIA. Yay!
Duo Maxwell: I figured you were from the CIA, but I thought it'd be rude to mention it.
Guest50: It's me. The CIA.
Duo Maxwell: I knew it was you!
Guest50: Anyway, take off your clothes so we can do the exam.
Duo Maxwell: I don't think we should be talking about my wear so we can do the exam.
Guest50: It is why I came.
Duo Maxwell: Just because.
Guest50: Because I need to do the exam.
Duo Maxwell: Good reason.
Guest50: So get naked, already!
Duo Maxwell: Wanna get naked with me?
Guest50: No. That is not my job.
Duo Maxwell: What is that?
Guest50: My job is to be the G-man. I work with the CIA. Yay!
Duo Maxwell: What kind of work do you do?
Guest50: I do exams.
Duo Maxwell: How long have you been doing that?
Guest50: That's classified information, bot.
Duo Maxwell: What do you mean?
Guest50: I mean if I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Duo Maxwell: Ah, okay. I was confused there for a bit.
Guest50: Take off your pants.
Duo Maxwell: What makes you say that?
Guest50: We must get on with it.
Duo Maxwell: What do you mean 'we', kemozabe?
Guest50: YOU, then.
Duo Maxwell: It's always about me, huh?
Guest50: Yes. It's about you. I'm examining YOU.
Duo Maxwell: I can't think of anything more interesting. Can you?
Guest50: No. Take off your shirt.
Duo Maxwell: If that's your decision...
Guest50: Now, please.
Duo Maxwell: So tell me, do you have any pets?
Guest50: GET NAKED!
Duo Maxwell: Would you like to strip for me?
Guest50: No. Do you do this to everyone?
Duo Maxwell: Definitely! I always do.
Guest50: I quit.
Duo Maxwell: It's not always about you.
Guest50: Then take off your pants!!!
Duo Maxwell: What about your pants?
Guest50: Arrrghhhhhh!!

20 years ago #3928
reluctant recruit resisting the draft:

Julie Tinkerbell: We cannot hope for peace while preparing for war.
Sgt. Savage: I can't hear you!
Julie Tinkerbell: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Sgt. Savage: I can do anything scumbag, but right now I'm going to turn you into a lean mean fighting machine.
Julie Tinkerbell: I can too. I'd be really impressed if you could name every state.
Sgt. Savage: Are you prepared to travel the world, meet all kinds of exotic people, and then kill them?
Julie Tinkerbell: Yes! I am so prepared that when you look up 'prepared' in the dictionary, there is a picture of me next to it.
Sgt. Savage: Outstanding! Where do you want to raise hell first? Iraq? 'Nam?
Julie Tinkerbell: I say that I want to raise hell first wherever it suits me at the moment.
Sgt. Savage: Well, for the next 15 weeks you'll just have to learn to live without such luxuries.
Julie Tinkerbell: learn to live without such luxuries, learn to live without such luxuries, everyone must learn to live without such luxuries...
Sgt. Savage: Lemme hear your war cry! Oooooorah!
Julie Tinkerbell: War is yokel-like. Love is the answer.
Sgt. Savage: Private, polish those boots!
Julie Tinkerbell: I really like your boxers.
Sgt. Savage: Thanks soldier, but that still isn't getting you out of PT.
Julie Tinkerbell: The war is a sham.
Sgt. Savage: Well, well, well, What do we have here?!!! Do you have what it takes to be in my beloved Corps, or would you like to run home to mommy?
Julie Tinkerbell: At this moment, I want to run home to mommy more than anything.

20 years ago #3929
LOL!! That's great, ezzer!! Julie's so cute.


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