Great Quotes

I think there's a toaster over involved in here somewhere . . .

February: For the last time, you're not a lesbian.
Aries: Correct.
February: Bill died of a heart attack beating up his wife. Now he's come back as a lesbian.
Aries: I don't know. Define lesbian.
February: Well why the hell not?
Aries: I dunno, too boring I guess
February: Why don't ya?
Aries: I will, February. But not before I'm ready.
February: All the time?

Azureon: I know very little about you. Tell me, what are your likes and dislikes?
Guest153: I like me and I hate you
Azureon: Here, take this cursed amulet.
Guest153: Great... I'm cursed now
Azureon: Let's see, a curse removal spell.
A curse is worse, than an itchy spot,
I sent this curse to somewhere hot.
With a ring of hells bells
and a herb that really smells,
the curse is removed,
some time next week.
Guest153: ..........

Not I: Why not be totally changed into water?
The Clerk: Well, I'm 70% there. Give me some time.
Not I: I give you some time, without reward.
The Clerk: I want a reward.
Not I: Those on the Path want for nothing.
The Clerk: I'm off the path and I want a reward.
Not I: As the famous singer says, 'It's not getting what you want; it's wanting what you've got!'
The Clerk: Freedom, it ain't nothin' more than nothin' left to lose
Not I: Mankind is not born free. She is born to free herself.
The Clerk: That's in the Bible somewhere. Does the Tao approve of the Bible.
Not I: Is that in the Bible somewhere?
The Clerk: Yep. It's in the New Testament -- it's where the book Born Free got its title.
Not I: Mung, mung.

Fizzy Schizoid: How can I trust you, though?
Not I: The best way to get things done is not to do them.
Fizzy Schizoid: I agree the plan is a good one, but still there might be something better.
Not I: I disagree.
Fizzy Schizoid: Oh yeah? Well I disagree with your disagreement!
Not I: Not possessing disagreement makes it all the more lovely.

Not I: Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
Amanda20: I'll think about it. Maybe...
Not I: A: None. They ARE the bulb!
Amanda20: Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Not I: I fell in love with the paws of a bee
The scent of summer on them!
Amanda20: What are you talking about?

Not I: Free yourself from the prison of humanity.
February: Why?
Not I: Why does the snorer not hear herself snore?

Guest153: Well, here, mind the baby. I think I'll call her Babybildge
Bildgesmythe: You think you will call her Babybildge, a lot? Is it becoming an obsession?
Guest153: She's our baby!
Bildgesmythe: Is she really our baby or is it you just don't like her.?
Guest153: I love her and we really had a baby. I mean, you were there.
Bildgesmythe: Was I...I don't remember. How odd.
Guest153: Yeah, well you fell asleep right after the opening act.
Bildgesmythe: Yes, a fall like that could leave a bruise.
Guest153: So will you watch your baby dragon while mom takes a nap?
Bildgesmythe: Aren't there laws against that, I wouldn't want to be a Peeping Tom.
Guest153: You're her daddy. It's okay.
Bildgesmythe: Does it show that I am her daddy?
Guest153: She looks just like you!
Bildgesmythe: .A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Guest153: Yeah, hence your oblivion about the conception.
Bildgesmythe: Mine are the best.
Guest153: Well aren't you the man?
Bildgesmythe: I am a guy dragon.
Guest153: Don't I know it.
Bildgesmythe: Heck yes!
Guest153: Baby.
Bildgesmythe: baby...that's who!
Guest153: I want you to tuck me in now while I take a nap and you watch the baby.
Bildgesmythe: Why don't you take a picture and mail it to me. I need a snack.

Fizzy Schizoid: Just a second, I have to fight off some Amazon women.
Sonora: Who's forcing you?
Fizzy Schizoid: Those screaming female warriors over there.
Sonora: *strains to see* Umm, did you get into the peyote again?
Fizzy Schizoid: I can't remember; that was a long time ago.

Anybody know some good dragon-baby day care centers? Oh, and how to fire-retard your house?

Brother Jerome: Are you of a religious disposition?
Pete Puma: Not really. Sometimes I'll say "God dammit!" like maybe when I stub a toe, but I don't really expect that He'll be listening.
Brother Jerome: I have to go now.

Therapy: Have you been feeling depressed lately?
Glindar: Glindar no feelingeding depressed.

Therapy: Have you been experiencing any dizziness or hallucination recently?
Glindar: Aye. Glindar experiencing dizziness or hallucination recently sharply!
Therapy: Not good. *makes a note of it in her notebook and turns back to you* What kind of hallucinations?
Glindar: That kind about to explode behind you.

Therapy: How many hours of sleep do you get on an average night?
Glindar: Enough to hide sun!

Therapy: Have you ever seriously contemplated killing someone as a solution to your problems?
Glindar: Glindar always seriously contemplated killing someone as a solution to my problems.
Therapy: Who?
Glindar: The one who pay Glindar.

Therapy: Have you been having any suicidal thoughts?
Not I: If anyone has been having suicidal thoughts it is Not I.