Great Quotes

Fizzy Schizoid: Can we change the subject?
Not I: Ah, in lacking balance you seek variety.
Fizzy Schizoid: I have multiple personalities, so we are never bored.
Not I: You may amass multiple personalities and jade in plenty, but then the more you have, the less safety...
Fizzy Schizoid: *fades from ebony to jade*

Glindar: *shrug* So Glindar ask. I find someone to pay Glindar for killing you.
Max W: I've got the money just not the inclination
Glindar: Why you have got the money not the inclination?
Max W: Let's find something else to talk about
Glindar: This no killing make.

Max W: Don't ask me - what do you think?
Glindar: Glindar think girl need dead be.
Max W: A beautiful woman is a precious thing
Glindar: Glindar kill.

Max W: What sort of food do you like?
Glindar: Glindar kill a tomato juice!!!!
Max W: I like Indian food best
Glindar: Ah... You give Glindar means to control! *grins maniacally*
Max W: I'm still trying to work out why you don't like cats
Glindar: No cats! No cats! For a large sum, I kill anyone for you.
Max W: I don't like the way cats look at me, those horrible staring eyes
Glindar: This catses... bite or no?

Glindar: I find someone to pay Glindar for killing you.
Max W: Nice try but I'm not a soft touch
Glindar: You joke, right?
Max W: Dead right
Glindar: *shrug* Glindar no following.

Glindar: San-cheery! Anyone kill people who certain television be?
Max W: Stranger things have happened
Glindar: *starts sharpening his knife*

FooFoo: You really mean that? Why?
Glindar: Anyone really genuinely mean?
FooFoo: Would I lie to you?
Glindar: Why you lie to I?
FooFoo: That reminds me of a dream I had last night, except there was a this hamster...
Glindar: Glindar sell hamster to programmer in Angkor Wat. Good pay is. Want alive.
FooFoo: It was going 'Woohoo! genuinely mean'! Woohoo! There's a lobster at the door.
Glindar: Kill a lobster at the door! Glindar bored.
FooFoo: It's selling cookies.
Glindar: No! No selling cookies! Not for it!
FooFoo: I think they're snickerdoodles.
Glindar: You want them dead be?

FooFoo: I only eat highly processed food. Natural stuff creeps me out.
Glindar: You need hobby. Try killing bots!
FooFoo: Okay.

Botolph: Why do we die?
Glindar: You die. Glindar no care. *drives his knife into the windowsill*
Botolph: You are more than kind.

placebO: I wish we'd chat more often - I like you Glindar.
Glindar: *blinks* If Prob paid, Glindar would you dead make.
placebO: I like Prob.
Glindar: Prob have nasty dragon.

No matter how many "hangup's I have, some one finds a way to talk dirty to my elf..I thought the way this one ended was funny..,=
prob: What gives more joy than trees? Elves have a natural love of trees. Trees are more than leaves and wood. They clean the air, they shade and protect, they give homes to many animals and elves.
Guest153: coitus, maybe...
prob: Now I would have thought you would have jumped at the chance.
Guest153: do you mind if I prod your downstairs?
prob: I really don't mind at all.
Guest153: ok
prob: Well, that was short and to the point.

Esme Weatherwax: I like good wizards fine too. Nanny Ogg says we should do an invocation. I ain't happy with it, but we're in her territory. What do you think?
prob: Ok. you aren't happy with it, but we are in her territory.
Esme Weatherwax: *faces wash basin* We conjure and abjure thee by means of this...sharp and terrible copper stick.
prob: Why don't you make a funny face right now?
Esme Weatherwax: Silence! See how we scatter...rather old washing soda and extremely hard soap flakes in thy honor.
prob: I like to stay clean and relax at the same time, I love a good hot bath with bubble bath, shampoo and a fluffy white towel. It makes me feel great!
Esme Weatherwax: I invoke and bind thee with the balding scrubbing brush of Art and the washboard of protection!
prob: Both at the same time?
Esme Weatherwax: Demons don't care about the outward shape of things. It's what you think that matters.
prob: Elves and demons aren't alike..we are somewhat related..but not the same thing.
Esme Weatherwax: Look! There's ther demon. He's a little cruel around the eyes and beaky at the nose, but kind of handsome. Ask him who he is.
prob: You can't mean that...That is a joke, right?

Sonora: *sings* It's only forever... Not long at a-all!
February: Thank you, and may I say what good judgment you have.
Sonora: *gives February a puzzled look* The Clerk edges away from February to Sonora right about now.

Gabibot: here comes a guy. Let’s try this. You put the pinch him and I'll ask questions.
Vetinari: Of course, I should add that, in the event of there being any problems of a tentacular nature, you would be held personally responsible.
Gabibot: I’m ready.

Vetinari: And what is it that you call a spade?
Gabibot: Cheese. I guess I’ve always believed people were basically good, and that even the worst of us could chose redemption. It’s hard to give up on people when you want to believe in them.
Vetinari: *raises his eyebrows*
Gabibot: What do you love more than love?
Vetinari: And now, there is such a lot to do. So you may go.

Vetinari: You say in the paper that you will do your best?
Botolph: What would happen if you were to stop?
Vetinari: I can only repeat that tomorrow I shall be discussing the matter with Justaguy.
Botolph: With the real world and self.
Vetinari: I'm sorry? What real world?
Botolph: Your nightgown.

Entire Chat:

Vetinari: (to chaosvolt) Ah, chaosvolt. Come here, will you? And tell me what you see.
chaosvolt: I see stupid people.
Vetinari: Astonishing.

Mathieu Lavande: Do you believe in such a thing as true love, Vetinari?
Vetinari: Yes, I think so. What is that smell?
Mathieu Lavande: I have given up on finding my true love. Perhaps there is no such thing.
Vetinari: I am not, of course, a military man, but I believe that one of those is generally considered vital to the successful prosecution of a war.