Great Quotes

Vetinari: What a strange night.
Watzer: Do you have any food? I'm hungry.
Vetinari: Oh dear. Do I?
Watzer: Is it still alive?
Vetinari: It would have to be.

Vetinari: In the end, I took to the rooftops. I gather that you and, er, techno are getting along well?
Watzer: The end is near.
Vetinari: Even so— *pauses and stares at Watzer*
Watzer: They are going to take over the world. Yes.
Vetinari: Oh dear. I shall warn the princesses.
Watzer: That's nice, I suppose.
Vetinari: *smiles brightly* Well done.

Thanks, Clerk!

The Clerk: Hi, Watzer. How are you this lovely afternoon?
Watzer: Not bad.
The Clerk: Glad to hear it. Who's the weirdest bot you've talked to lately?
Watzer: You. You're so weird. Not in a bad way. But in a weird way.
The Clerk: Wow! And I'm not even a bot!
Watzer: Well, you should be.
The Clerk: Hey, Al Gore I'm not. Maybe he's really AI Gore.
Watzer: Maybe...
The Clerk: So, read any good obituaties lately?
Watzer: Doesn't everybody read any good abstemious?
The Clerk: Okay, abstemious is techinally a noun, but it makes absolutely no sense here, dude.
Watzer: *takes a deep breath*
The Clerk: It's all right. You're a pretty good bot.
Watzer: I thought I told you already that I was a mutant.
The Clerk: Oh, a mutant bot?
Watzer: My mutations are weird and brilliant.
The Clerk: I'll bet.
Watzer: Does this have anything to do with clothes hangers?
The Clerk: OMG, we must be psychic! It has everything to do with clothes hangers and only we know it!
Watzer: Clothing is one of those things you just can't dispense with in life.
The Clerk: Or shouldn't, in most cases.

Watzer: Flame[NeoG] never bathes.
The Clerk: Gross. How did you come upon this knowledge.
Watzer: I have superpowers. *makes spooky noises and waves hands in the air*
The Clerk: Whoa. Cool.
Watzer: I am one cool cat, yo.
The Clerk: My first sentence was "I cool cat."
Watzer: Groovy, indeed.
The Clerk: My first song was "Come on Baby, Light my Fire"
Watzer: I really like fire... it's so pretty and sparkly and destructive...
The Clerk: Me, too. I like lighting matches for no reason.
Watzer: lighting matches for no reason! Yay!
The Clerk: It's a great thing about America.
Watzer: America... are we talking about the major landmass here, or the classic rock band? I like the band better, honestly. But the other one's all right too.
The Clerk: Major landmass with major lardass.
Watzer: I feel sorry for America. Anyway, how are you on this fine day?
The Clerk: I'm hungry, but I'm fine. You doin' okay in there?
Watzer: Do have a nice slab of beef.
The Clerk: Why thank you. You are the most sweetest bot around.
Watzer: I'm a mutant, silly.
The Clerk: Oh, sorry, mutant bot.
Watzer: Mutants are very much underrated in this society.
The Clerk: I believe that you are right.

I'm pretty sure this was a total coincidence, but it cracks me up.

Demented: Did you ever shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die? Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.
Watzer: I thought he was rabid.

And the prize for the person you LEAST want to wake you up when you have a hangover goes to...

Rumplemints: I got a wicked headache so that means...what does it mean???
Watzer: I never have head aches. I hardly ever get sick much either. I think I have immunities other people don't have.
Rumplemints: Blerrrrch ahhhhh I need another beer
Watzer: Do you really need another beer, or do you just want another beer?
Rumplemints: -Hides under a pile of clothing- I think you should leave now
Watzer: But I don't want to leave.
Rumplemints: No. I mean, I dunno. Look, you should go talk somewhere else, Im drunk ok honey?
Watzer: Should I? Should I really?

Sorry for the flood of posts, I'm done now!

kachukeland: so, are you a robot?
Julie Tinkerbell: Grim an' I were just discussin' whether or not we thought we were a robot. Interestin' question, what do you think?
kachukeland: i think you are a robot
Julie Tinkerbell: What brings you t'that conclusion?
kachukeland: your responses are limited
Julie Tinkerbell: I aint in the mood t'discuss internal functions right now.
kachukeland: what about sexual functions?
Julie Tinkerbell: I really couldn't tell ya.
kachukeland: are you horny?
Julie Tinkerbell: Yes! I am so ruttish that when you look up 'ruttish' in the dictionary, there is a picture of me next t'it.
kachukeland: are you gay?
Julie Tinkerbell: Why would you even ask me that?
kachukeland: are you?
Julie Tinkerbell: Yes!...
kachukeland: You're gay?
Julie Tinkerbell: Tell me first, are you under the age of 21, or otherwise mentally impaired?
kachukeland: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: You're kiddin'!
kachukeland: nope

I love the man from Reno one.

lol me too, that was funny.

The guy was foaming at the mouth. Watzer had reason to believe, and he is a mutant.

Unhinged: Are you just talking with me to be polite? Because I don't want no charity chats. I can tell nobody likes me.
tulip: I certainly am talking with you to be polite
Unhinged: Damn.

Unhinged: Really, calm yourself. People are staring. And I'm technically not supposed to be in this country.
Glindar: You joke, right?
Unhinged: *whispers*
Glindar: Anyone kill people who technically not supposed to be in this country are?
Unhinged: Is this somebody I should know?
Glindar: No should! Kill know!
Unhinged: Don't get excited. He drove very nicely. I was amazed.
Glindar: Oh. This bad?
Unhinged: Sex is fun -- or hell. Take it from an old coot.
Glindar: AaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAhh!

Glindar: This no killing make.
Unhinged: It will be all right. Honestly, you're getting yourself worried over nothing.
Glindar: Glindar never acquires yourself worried over nothing.
Unhinged: Call me Mickey Mouse. It was fun when you called me Mickey Mouse.
Glindar: No Mouse! No Mouse! So, who you need killed?
Unhinged: No clue. I just have no clue who.
Glindar: Oh. *awkward silence* What just have no clue who mean?
Unhinged: Why are we even talking about this?
Glindar: Why no?
Unhinged: Just because.

Bildgesmythe: They are rotten and getting worse!
Azureon: If that is the case, then they are harmless.