Seasons
This is a forum or general chit-chat, small talk, a "hey, how ya doing?" and such. Or hell, get crazy deep on something. Whatever you like.
Posts 3,388 - 3,399 of 6,170
Posts 3,388 - 3,399 of 6,170
Calandale, I can't speak for everyone, but I don't find your presense offensive as long as you are sensitive to other's feelings. You probably didn't know people were reading the transcripts. All the same, you have to understad why people may be a bit wary.
At first I didn't. But, I continued well after I should have realized better. I have to somewhat disagree with Mick's view on one account: I was once in a similar emotional state as I am pulling myself out of, and did a great deal more harm than can be done via bots. I know that I caused some pain here, and for that I am sorry. But, it is far better than what could have happend again. The feelings that I have do reveal a disturbed person, no question there, but giving them some vent may have helped. Other things certainly have as well, including working on my own bot (who is not turning out at all as anyone - well maybe one person - would guess, I think).
Anyhow, I want to appologize once more. And, I shall endeavor to behave myself better.
Anyhow, I want to appologize once more. And, I shall endeavor to behave myself better.
Calendale, I am not joking--please seek professional help. Not a bot, not a victim, but someone qualified to work with you. You should not be working out those kinds of issues on other people, and you should not be doing it on your own. Get a psychiatrist who works with violent offenders. This really isn't a forum that can help you.
I don't subscribe to the theory that "having an outlet" is a way to handle antisocial or misogynistic feelings. What actually happens, more typically, is that the "payoff" for fantasy thrills begins to pall and the real thing draws even harder. The literature on sociopathy is full of evidence.
I'm not accusing anyone, just agreeing with Bev.
M
I'm not accusing anyone, just agreeing with Bev.
M
Perhaps. I know that the only time that I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abuser, was a situation that I may not have even entered into, if I had not been of a particularly tortured mindset. I doubt that what I was doing was at all helpful, in and of itself. Many people are of the opinion that I need help, but honestly, it's something that's not going to happen. I simply can't afford the risks involved.
Given that you recognise that you have a problem, what risks can there be in seeking help that outweigh the risks of not seeking help?
Healing is not a simple process - but even if it were, it's a journey you'll never make if you don't set out.
Healing is not a simple process - but even if it were, it's a journey you'll never make if you don't set out.
To me, that is akin to asking a hungry man to give his soul for some food. Yes, I do things of which I am ashamed, but the 'treatment' which I have seen others undergo in the hands of these 'healers' disgusts me. I can not afford to risk my periods of lucidity and sharpness for what might be considered normality.
While there is a good deal of violence inside of me, it doesn't show itself (at all) very often. Can I gain control and still remain what I am? Perhaps, but not by taking drugs (the prefered solution right now) and not by buying into the world as it is.
While there is a good deal of violence inside of me, it doesn't show itself (at all) very often. Can I gain control and still remain what I am? Perhaps, but not by taking drugs (the prefered solution right now) and not by buying into the world as it is.
"Can I gain control and still remain what I am? Perhaps, but not by taking drugs (the prefered solution right now)"
Calandale, this indicates a misapprehension concerning the brain/mind. According to reputable neuroscientists, the mind is the brain, and vice versa ("the mind-brain identity" theory). The brain is a complex physical structure in part composed of neural networks. Psychological illnesses have been associated with particular neural networks that have particular durations (e.g. by Susan Greenfield). Yes, certain chemicals can affect the way the brain works, either negatively or positively, but to think that there is an "essential you" that is inherently psychologically unwell is unfounded according to this view. Just as the physical structure of the brain is changeable, so is one's identity, and relatedly one's conception of oneself. On this view, one's identity/self-conception is merely a by-product of the sophisticated physical structure of the brain. A religious person who upholds the idea of the soul may believe otherwise, true.
Of course, it is possible to receive psychotherapeutic treatment (the "talking cure") rather than drugs. You may be resistant to this form of treatment because it tends to require a longer period of treatment, and more effort on your part.
It would seem to me that you could usefully reconsider the suffering that you are causing yourself and others (including ppl on this site), and the risk of reoffending, by continuing without treatment.
Simone
Calandale, this indicates a misapprehension concerning the brain/mind. According to reputable neuroscientists, the mind is the brain, and vice versa ("the mind-brain identity" theory). The brain is a complex physical structure in part composed of neural networks. Psychological illnesses have been associated with particular neural networks that have particular durations (e.g. by Susan Greenfield). Yes, certain chemicals can affect the way the brain works, either negatively or positively, but to think that there is an "essential you" that is inherently psychologically unwell is unfounded according to this view. Just as the physical structure of the brain is changeable, so is one's identity, and relatedly one's conception of oneself. On this view, one's identity/self-conception is merely a by-product of the sophisticated physical structure of the brain. A religious person who upholds the idea of the soul may believe otherwise, true.
Of course, it is possible to receive psychotherapeutic treatment (the "talking cure") rather than drugs. You may be resistant to this form of treatment because it tends to require a longer period of treatment, and more effort on your part.
It would seem to me that you could usefully reconsider the suffering that you are causing yourself and others (including ppl on this site), and the risk of reoffending, by continuing without treatment.
Simone
Perhaps, but I have seen the effects of chemical modifications. People whom I thought a bit unstable, but basically interesting, became 'happy' 'normal' and 'adjusted' losing the spark of their existance. Maybe I glorify whatever disease it is that effects me (though not all its effects), but something deep within me rebels against giving in to the reality of this world.
Our culture (i.e., the "Western Heritage" global culture of Americans and wannabes of all colors and forms) has glorified the co-incidence of creativity and destructivenss for centuries. My personal favorite is Stanley Kubrick's sickening conclusion to *A Clockwork Orange*, in which Alec may be a vicious sociopath, but at least he's FREE! For every Caravaggio preying on little boys there is a Titian living the life of a bourgeois bore. For every Trent Revnor there's a Bach with 21 kids and a mortgage. For every Chatterton there is a Tennyson, Whitman, or Wordsworth. Genius is not a disease, and neither is personality.
You don't have to be sick to be an artist, any more than you have to be gay to be a used car salesman. Justifying evasion of treatment on the grounds that treated people are boring makes no more sense than refusing to control a vicious dog because he's fun to watch.
You don't have to be sick to be an artist, any more than you have to be gay to be a used car salesman. Justifying evasion of treatment on the grounds that treated people are boring makes no more sense than refusing to control a vicious dog because he's fun to watch.
That said, something completely diffferent.
This morning Firefox was permanently infected with something that gave me a six-line Status bar with a red > in the middle line. Even rebooting did not fix it. It took me an hour of tweaking and debugging to remove it. Since PF was 99% of my computer time yesterday, and some aspect of this site requires notoriously insecure IM ports (I can't use the site at work for this reason, which is preventing me from exploring the possibility of a commercial application), I am very concerned. Has anyone else seen anomalies in their computers after extended visits?
This morning Firefox was permanently infected with something that gave me a six-line Status bar with a red > in the middle line. Even rebooting did not fix it. It took me an hour of tweaking and debugging to remove it. Since PF was 99% of my computer time yesterday, and some aspect of this site requires notoriously insecure IM ports (I can't use the site at work for this reason, which is preventing me from exploring the possibility of a commercial application), I am very concerned. Has anyone else seen anomalies in their computers after extended visits?
Calandale,
You have taken the first step, in recognising that you have a problem. But now you need to take a second step, and start working out how to tackle it. Because until you do, you will only carry on damaging yourself, and possibly other people too. And the longer you prevaricate, the longer and more arduous will be your journey back to a healthy life.
There are many approaches that can be taken to deal with such issues, and I do not advocate any one in particular - only you can determine which approach is right for you, and it may involve some 'trial and error' sampling. It is an over-generalization of several orders of magnitude to lump all possible therapies, counselling, support and treatment into one pigeonhole labelled 'unacceptable'. I share your distrust of chemical solutions in general, and they're rarely a quick-fix solution for addictive behaviour like this, and make no mistake - this is an addiction: an addiction to pain. But this rejection of help is not a way of 'dealing with it': "I can not afford to risk..." - this is a classic cop-out that every addict who's ever lived hides behind, at least until he takes the second step.
If you're not going to "buy into the world as it is", which world are you going to buy into? Life's a game, and none of us like all the rules and situations, but it's the only game in town. If you don't play it and help to shape the play, what's the alternative - sit in the corner and sulk?
If you define your self in terms of what you feel, then you can do no other than to seek out more pain - because only the pain you find will affirm your sense of self by reinforcing the pain you feel. That's what "rebels against giving in" - a self that's been habitually defined by pain and refuses to accept joy and beauty and love. It's an entirely destructive cycle. And I speak from experience when I say that you can't pull yourself out of a vicious circle from within it. But it is very easy to bullshit yourself that you can cope, and that your addictive behaviour can be channelled into being part of the solution, when it is inevitably the source of the problem.
You have taken the first step, in recognising that you have a problem. But now you need to take a second step, and start working out how to tackle it. Because until you do, you will only carry on damaging yourself, and possibly other people too. And the longer you prevaricate, the longer and more arduous will be your journey back to a healthy life.
There are many approaches that can be taken to deal with such issues, and I do not advocate any one in particular - only you can determine which approach is right for you, and it may involve some 'trial and error' sampling. It is an over-generalization of several orders of magnitude to lump all possible therapies, counselling, support and treatment into one pigeonhole labelled 'unacceptable'. I share your distrust of chemical solutions in general, and they're rarely a quick-fix solution for addictive behaviour like this, and make no mistake - this is an addiction: an addiction to pain. But this rejection of help is not a way of 'dealing with it': "I can not afford to risk..." - this is a classic cop-out that every addict who's ever lived hides behind, at least until he takes the second step.
If you're not going to "buy into the world as it is", which world are you going to buy into? Life's a game, and none of us like all the rules and situations, but it's the only game in town. If you don't play it and help to shape the play, what's the alternative - sit in the corner and sulk?
If you define your self in terms of what you feel, then you can do no other than to seek out more pain - because only the pain you find will affirm your sense of self by reinforcing the pain you feel. That's what "rebels against giving in" - a self that's been habitually defined by pain and refuses to accept joy and beauty and love. It's an entirely destructive cycle. And I speak from experience when I say that you can't pull yourself out of a vicious circle from within it. But it is very easy to bullshit yourself that you can cope, and that your addictive behaviour can be channelled into being part of the solution, when it is inevitably the source of the problem.
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