Doghead's Cosmic Bar

The secret to finding your real tomato is to look within yourself. Somewhere deep down within us all there is a disgarded, rotting tomato that we threw away. But if you search hard enough you may find that within the rot there lie the seeds that can germinate into the tomato plant that will sustain us through the many summers of splendour and winters of discontent no matter how many aphids tell you you're wrong, no matter how many times we are threatened by over exuberant weed whackers selling insurance and well meaning amateur gardeners, through droughts of the soul and floods of tears and when we are . . . excuse me

*hits self over the back of the head with shovel*

Sorry, got stuck so far inside the metaphor I couldn't quite see my way out. I think I need another drink.

Yeah, I think so too. Your drink is on me.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't drink that off of Shady. You don't know where he's been. Put it in a glass.

On you? So sorry, let me get you a towel. And by way of apology, you next drink is on me . . . Hmm this could go round a few times.

Now your towel's on me!
And my drink is on you? Here, have my towel.

Thank you for the towel. But you still seem to be wet. Please accept my towel as gratitude for your lovely gesture.

guys control yourselves! you will scare the straights (partially borrowed zinger from whoopi goldburg's new tv series)

Actually it puts me more in mind of the hat routine from Waiting for Godot.

Are you implying that we've had too much chocolate?

[An empty bar stool begins to vibrate audibly and with a faint bug-zapper PHZZZT! Joe materializes to find an empty bar.] Uh, cup of milk tea and a bottle of Jamaican rum, please.

[An empty bar stool begins to vibrate audibly. That's all. Just some vibrating bar-stool stuff. "Hmmmmmmmmmm." Don't pay any attention.]

[A disk-shaped object on the bar that appears to be a coaster lights up, and begins projecting a hologram of a hooded figure in dark robes.]

Hmm, I see there's some new faces in the bar since I was here last. Tell me, do clunky bots have blood?