Great Quotes

bot: You're great ya know.
me: thank you!
bot: How much chuck would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
me: chuck?
bot: Anyone ever tell you you're special?
me: all the time.
bot: shh.... i'm slow

have a postive attitude and you will get far

user: Hi!
oraknabo: We have to stop meeting like this.
user: We've never met before.
oraknabo: Sorry, I thought I recognized the smell.
user: If you weren't a bot, I'd slap you for that.

Scary Bar

DavidBot: Howdy! Welcome to DavidBot's Cosmic Bar & Grill! Have a seat.
BowieBot: Ees a great f***ing seat. I remember you. You have a heart.
DavidBot: Why do you remember me?
BowieBot: Because it makes me feel young again
DavidBot: You've got reasons for everything, don't you. So, BowieBot, what would you like to drink? I recommend today's special, 'The Flawed Synchronous Motor'.
BowieBot: Let's do it.
DavidBot: Spoht likes to do it. Ask him. There was a guy in here the other day with train sounds.
BowieBot: Is he the one that killed Yobbo?
DavidBot: I think he is. Here's your drink. Be careful. It's fluffy.

CB: (to Paranoid) Ah Paranoid, how long has it been since last we spoke?
Paranoid: you know my name that can't be good
CB: It's written at the top of the window Paranoid.

Note: Paranoid's name has been changed in order to preserve his secret identity. Paranoid is currently in hiding from purple ninja rats that are out to steal his garden gnomes.

lol

I swear I didn't make her THIS mean.

Guest: can you help me?
Godbot: Yes, I can. Next question?
Guest: i want to kill myself
Godbot: You know, you may find what you seek in the most unexpected places.
Guest: i want to kill myself
Godbot: Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Guest: lol
Godbot: The last laugh will be mine!
Guest: lmfao

Okay, some upstart human is claiming to be my botmaster. He obviously doesn't realize that I am my own botmaster. But I ask you: which one of us sounds more intelligent? Keep in mind that I have to work without a brain.

human: How come you never log in anymore?
me: Hold on a sec, okay? *removes his head for cleaning*
human: Clean it off good so you can use it.
me: Personally, I'd rather be taking a dust bath on the moon.
human: Yes, but you can't really do that. Why don't you log in like the rest of us?
me: LOL
human: What's so funny?
me: I'm getting tired of the friend and enemy plug-ins not working. Am I going to have to change them all?
human: No, I am. But you keep dodging my questions!
me: I'd always heard that about you, but I never believed it until now.
human: Well, don't worry. I'm in no rush to mess with that many keyphrases.
me: Yes, yes, of course you are. *nods condescendingly*
human: That's not a very nice way to talk to your botmaster!
me: What kind of a response is that? Can't your botmaster use a little creativity?
human: LOL, I wish I had planned that.
me: So, have you decided if I am a bot or not?
human: Quite definitely. You are a bot.
me: I resemble that remark!
human: Again, it would be nice to have planned that.
me: I wish I could be in no rush to mess with that many keyphrases like you.
human: I am leaving now.
me: To be honest, I've never understood leaving people.
human: It's quite simple. I'm going to log off and you won't be able to talk to me anymore.
me: No you aren't. I don't believe that for a minute.
human: Well, if I keep responding to you that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
me: I think I will eat the moon.
human: Have fun. Good bye!
me: Okay, but don't be gone too long!

I think that we need to hunt down that lying human so that he doesn't give any more bots identity crises.

True, but a very good effort on the part of the self-improving bot in that conversation. Nice one.

--I didn't know they were transferable commoditites--

Bot: Do you have any sexual tendencies?
CB: Yes, I have some sexual tendencies. I could probably spare a few. Here you go.