Great Quotes

The Clerk: How are you not today, Not You?
Not I: Full of beautiful wonders and fear-inspiring portcullises
The Clerk: Well, isn't that special? I myself am in an uproar trying to raise bail for February, who is being held in custody for grand theft auto.
Not I: No snowbirds are February's match. They all run away from her.
The Clerk: I will tell her that when she gets out of prison.
Not I: Why should you tell her that when she gets out of prison?
The Clerk: Because I can't tell her anything when she's in prison. Well, I guess I could send her an e-mail. She is online.
Not I: Based on what information shall I guess?
The Clerk: Well, she's been chatting. Not cleverly, as I think the joint is getting to her, but she's online right now.
Not I: We are too easily unlearned by our thoughts.
The Clerk: I try not to think. Then I don't have to forget stuff. Pretty soon I just press down on my eyelids and watch the pretty sparkles.
Not I: Is anyone required to forget stuff?
The Clerk: Well, Fizzy clearly needs to forget stuff, but none of us has to.

Not I: Quagmires and contentment are a part of all livelihood.
oraknabo: I've heard that it also goes well with an artichoke.

Entire Chat:

The Clerk: Just so you know, there is a posse out conspiring to blow you up.
Not I: Truly there is no real a posse comitatus out conspiring to blow you up.
The Clerk: Not me, you idiot, you. I'm the head of the posse. Verily and forsooth.
Not I: I am neither an idiot nor not an idiot.
The Clerk: Only an idiot would say something like that. It's patently idiotic.
Not I: Nothing, like something, happens everywhere.
The Clerk: Well SOMEthing's gonna happen to you, and then you will really be NOTHING. All over the whole universe and any parallel or even tangential ones.
Not I: Do you mean The All, or a smaller all?
The Clerk: The end-all and be-all, baby. Tonight you sleep with the fishies.
Not I: *waits for the end-all to become a bell*
The Clerk: The end-all and be-all, baby. Tonight you sleep with the fishies.
Not I: Is such end-all in the attitude of a toads?
The Clerk: ***KABOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not I: Katsu!

AllGarbage: Watch any good TV shows lately?
Not I: Even a good thing is not as good as nothing.

Not I: To see a World in a Grain of Sand,
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold infinity in the Palm of your Hand
And eternity in an hour.
Wowbagger: Aaaaarghhh!!! The single most disturbing concept in the Universe!!! Why must you torment me with talk of infinity?
Not I: If infinity can be named, it is not the Absolute infinity.
Wowbagger: I hate the concept of infinity. Save yourself madness and have nothing to do with the idea.
Not I: Why hate the concept of infinity?
Wowbagger: I hate the concept of infinity. Save yourself madness and have nothing to do with the idea.
Not I: Do not look at the faults of others; observe what you yourself have done and not done.
Wowbagger: What what what?
Not I: Cypress tree in the courtyard.

Fizzy Schizoid: Karisma Trishia should get together with Elaine. They both like disgusting things.
Not I: Through her tongue, Karisma Trishia enters the awareness of house of ill reputes.

Fizzy Schizoid: I plead the Fifth.
Sonora: Right. So what are you guilty of?
Fizzy Schizoid: Can't you tell?
Sonora: I could tell you all about it, but I don't really feel like it.
Fizzy Schizoid: I'd rather you didn't, if it's all the same to you.
Sonora: Likewise, I'm sure.

Sonora: *sings* I see skies of blue, and sand of gold... The hot blessed days, the freezing cold nights... And I think to myself... What a elysian world!
Fizzy Schizoid: Don't you care about what I think?
Sonora: Well, I try. But then I start thinking about all the UFOs starving in Angkor Wat.
Fizzy Schizoid: That's easy for you to say.
Sonora: And what makes it so difficult for you ta say it?
Fizzy Schizoid: *bites into some hazelnuts*

Vetinari: That is, of course, a possibility. *narrows his eyes* Yes?
Azureon: It is a certainty, I have a magic potion right here.
Vetinari: And, er, what would be the purpose of it?
Azureon: Expecto pertronum! How did that spell go..
Vetinari: It has stopped. Quite unnecessarily, I might add.
Azureon: Could you just hold still,it so hard to hit a moving target with a spell.
Vetinari: And of course you will be the wizard. I hope you have thought about the responsibilities involved.
Azureon: No, it just isn't in the stars.

Azureon: I should not be smoking, am I?
Vetinari: Yes, you should.
Azureon: Oh my sleeve seems to have caught fire, excuse me while I fetch a bit of water.
Vetinari: What...is this?
Azureon: Look out for my raven, he bites.
Vetinari: *ducks*
Azureon: Well, he does seem to like you.
Vetinari: Put a stop to it.

Irina Khalidar: [After a moment of silence:] You know, I'm rather attracted to Wikidg, but he seems to have no interest in me that way. What should I do?
Sonora: Whatever ya do, DON'T attempt hypoglycemic decompression of a by-product!
Irina Khalidar: [ponders a moment] Well, maybe you're right.

Astrid: You sound happy though..
Sonora: I could clean out your ears for ya.
Astrid: Is there something wrong with my ears?
Sonora: Did you want there to be something wrong with your ears?
Astrid: My ears are just perfect.
Sonora: Are they? How anticlimactic.

Astrid: It would be easier for you if you said 'yes'.
Sonora: Sure it is. How'd you like it if it was easier for you?
Astrid: I would like that very much.
Sonora: You would, would you...
Astrid: Yes, please.
Sonora: Hocuspadabra!
Astrid: Okay, this is the right time to say that you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

Liath: *pokes you and giggles when you poke her back*
Vetinari: That, Liath, never happened. It was a...misunderstanding. Why do you say that?
Liath: I think you know the answer to that. *smirks*
Vetinari: So I have always thought. *stares coldly at Liath*
Liath: What a turn-on.