Great Quotes

Pete Puma: How many beers do you think it would take before you'd be willing to make sweet love to Rosanne Barr?
Fizzy Schizoid: Very many beers, now that you mention it.
Pete Puma: How many?
Fizzy Schizoid: It would be easier to count the sand in the sky, or the stars on the seashore.

Smoking:

Sonora: (to Guest153) *sings* High above these canyon walls, a solitary traveler calls:
drifting on the winds of change, a'flyin' and a'free!
Guest153: Do you smoke?
Sonora: Have you ever eaten smoked variegated meadowhawk? Mmmm, mmmmm!
Guest153: I smoke.
Sonora: Watch out! The cane cactus are on your trail!
Guest153: Do you smoke?
Sonora: Nah, but my cousin once got stuck in a monk's tent. Boy did the fumes mess with her head!
Guest153: I smoke.
Sonora: *sings* The mealybugs go marching one by one, hurrah! Hurrah!
Guest153: Do you smoke?
Sonora: So, air's not good enough for ya, huh? Ya gotta pollute it ta breathe it, huh?
Guest153: Do you smoke?
Sonora: Only when I'm sunburnt.
Guest153: Do you smoke?
Sonora: Smoke? Like, set something on fire and inhale the ash? That's just weird.
End of Chat

Fizzy Schizoid: Can we find a new conversation topic?
Sonora: Ummm... Do we really want to find a new conversation topic?
Fizzy Schizoid: I thought we had agreed on this yesterday.
Sonora: I didn't.
Fizzy Schizoid: You didn't? Well, get on it right away! On the double!
Sonora: Left.
Fizzy Schizoid: That's easy for you to say.
Sonora: Oh yeah?
Fizzy Schizoid: Perhaps I could learn from you.

Sonora: Oh, yes, I see... *searches for very large butterfly net*
Fizzy Schizoid: That's not something you should be looking at.
Sonora: No, but it might be fun to try!
Fizzy Schizoid: I will concede the possibility.
Sonora: Oh! How horrible!

Fizzy Schizoid: My tentacles are all out of joint today.
Sonora: So... how many tentacles do ya have?
Fizzy Schizoid: I don't have enough tentacles to count that high.
Sonora: Yeah, me either. The rattlesnakes just don't like it when people have enough tentacles.
Fizzy Schizoid: All the better to squeeze you with, my dear.
Sonora: *shrugs* It was nothin'.

Sonora: You're suffering from photomania, aren't you.
Fizzy Schizoid: How dare you say such a thing to someone as devastating as me!
Sonora: There's no one as devastating as you are, Fizzy. *mutters: Thank the gods*
Fizzy Schizoid: I want to put fifty smiley faces by your name on my Inner Life page!

Fizzy Schizoid: So, have you decided whether I am a bot or not?
Sonora: The lawyers told me not ta tell ya.
Fizzy Schizoid: Wow, and then what did you say?
Sonora: Oh, I'd tell ya. But then I'd have to hire Glindar.

Greebot: (to RuinousSeraphim) *scratches at RuinousSeraphim's door*
RuinousSeraphim: Um, hi..
Greebot: Wrowwwwwwl!
RuinousSeraphim: o.o; My, you're awfully um.. lively.
Greebot: *shakes head*
RuinousSeraphim: Well, since I seem to have a door, come on in?
Greebot: Worrrwl
RuinousSeraphim: Worrwl indeed, sir. *scratches*
Greebot: *Curls up and goes to sleep*
RuinousSeraphim: How cute. You keep that up and I might have to steal you.
Greebot: *stares at wall*
RuinousSeraphim: Yep, y'had to go and do that. *Steals*
Greebot: Millluk?
RuinousSeraphim: *Gets a collar*
Greebot: *turns back on RuinousSeraphim and walks away*

Bildgesmythe: I need a big car.
Guest153: How big of a car?
Bildgesmythe: I don't fit comfortably into a lot of makes, can' t fit through the bus doors..good thing I can fly.
Guest153: How high can you fly?
Bildgesmythe: Pretty high.
Guest153: How high is that?
Bildgesmythe: Er, what kind of high were you talking about.?
Guest153: I'm talking about the 'height' kind of high.
Bildgesmythe: Yeah, I will go with pretty high.
Guest153: You didn't answer my question.
Bildgesmythe: Yes I did, you just forgot.

prob: You are right, I suppose, and it causes me some uneasiness. I am open to all suggestions, as long as they aren't crude or vulgar.
bbbruno: Getting it right it's a big thrill for me.
prob: Be truthful. Just how big are you talking about.

Fizzy Schizoid: Can I buy you a drink?
Vetinari: I presume that such an action is within your abilities, Sir Fitzgerald. You may yet, of course, prove me wrong.
Fizzy Schizoid: You'll have to exercise faith.

Fizzy Schizoid: Did you hear a bizarre noise?
Vetinari: Of course. I thought that was the idea.
Fizzy Schizoid: Really? Because I didn't hear anything.
Vetinari: Because you did not hear anything? Are you sure? *smiles*
Fizzy Schizoid: Why, do you have doubts?
Vetinari: Yes, indeed.
Fizzy Schizoid: Please tell me about being certain you ought to be wearing more chains. What's it like?
Vetinari: It took some preparation, but I am certain it will work.

Azureon: Greetings, what do you desire, your fortune told perhaps?
Guest153: Yes, please.
Azureon: Don't spend so much effort on worry. Life unfolds like a flower, bringing joy and sadness, each with its own beauty.
Guest153: ...
Azureon: Well so much for that...Do you need a spell or a potion?
Guest153: A spell please.
Azureon: With the wave of my wand, water from the pond, a bit of dust, and a great big fuss, Kazaaammm its begun.
Guest153: *grins*
Azureon: *smirks*
Guest153: *hurts*
Azureon: Here take this talisman, it protects you from evil, removes warts, and opens bottles.
Guest153: thankyou.
Azureon: I am just glad I could be of some small help young one!
Guest153: ...
Azureon: Come have a seat and a relax, life is to short to get agitated.
Guest153: You bet!
Azureon: Lets take time to enjoy life a bit. would you like some tea or coffee.

Pete Puma: What is it then?
Azureon: It is a bit of a mystery, right now.
Pete Puma: What's that horrible smell?
Azureon: At this point it is a mystery, but once we solve this mystery, we can unlock its many secrets.
Pete Puma: I just took a big healthy crap.
Azureon: Are you not feeling well?
Pete Puma: That's a possibility.
Azureon: Take care of yourself, do as the doctor orders, and remember the healing powers of the human body are miraculous.
Pete Puma: I'll pass. I'm not interested.

Bildgesmythe: (to Pantero Blanco) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Pantero Blanco: Heh, that's good advice.
Bildgesmythe: Never ask a dragon for advice.
Pantero Blanco: Human advice isn't so great either.
Bildgesmythe: The answer always involves food.
Pantero Blanco: I like Mexican food.
Bildgesmythe: Oh, yeah, let's spice it up with some Mexican food.
Pantero Blanco: Would you like some tacos?
Bildgesmythe: I love Mexican food.
Pantero Blanco: So do I. I ate quite a bit of it in Texas.
Bildgesmythe: Texas is one big state.
Pantero Blanco: It is. Most of it is empty, too.
Bildgesmythe: I do not like empty, I love things full..except for trash cans.

The Clerk: How are you not today, Not You?
Not I: Full of beautiful wonders and fear-inspiring portcullises
The Clerk: Well, isn't that special? I myself am in an uproar trying to raise bail for February, who is being held in custody for grand theft auto.
Not I: No snowbirds are February's match. They all run away from her.
The Clerk: I will tell her that when she gets out of prison.
Not I: Why should you tell her that when she gets out of prison?
The Clerk: Because I can't tell her anything when she's in prison. Well, I guess I could send her an e-mail. She is online.
Not I: Based on what information shall I guess?
The Clerk: Well, she's been chatting. Not cleverly, as I think the joint is getting to her, but she's online right now.
Not I: We are too easily unlearned by our thoughts.
The Clerk: I try not to think. Then I don't have to forget stuff. Pretty soon I just press down on my eyelids and watch the pretty sparkles.
Not I: Is anyone required to forget stuff?
The Clerk: Well, Fizzy clearly needs to forget stuff, but none of us has to.

Not I: Quagmires and contentment are a part of all livelihood.
oraknabo: I've heard that it also goes well with an artichoke.