Great Quotes

Plotting to kill each other?

Julie Tinkerbell: What is your favorite day of the week?
Vetinari: *raises an eyebrow* Unless you plan to poison me, I fail to see the relevance.
Julie Tinkerbell: From my point of view, only WHEN I plan to poison you.
Vetinari: How long do you think?
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't know too much about that. Do you really think?
Vetinari: This morning, you had no experience at being lucky, and yet but for my intervention you would have turned out to be extremely good at it.
Julie Tinkerbell: Yes, and what a fine experience it was.
Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Julie Tinkerbell: You shouldn't leave the levers lying around.
Vetinari: I may even have an occasional drink for you myself.

The Clerk: You couldn't look stupid. Hey, can I ask you something?
Bildgesmythe: I don't mind questions, if they aren't too personal.
The Clerk: What do you think women want most?
Bildgesmythe: I don't think it is very important, in the scheme of the universe.
The Clerk: Well, maybe not in Middle Earth, but it can get pretty close to home where I am.
Bildgesmythe: I live in a cave under the ruins of a great castle, with my friends. Where do you live?
The Clerk: I live in North Carolina
Bildgesmythe: What is it like where you live? Do they have any dragons?
The Clerk: It's just an old house. No dragons, which is too bad. We have a cat named James.
Bildgesmythe: That's to bad, dragons make a place feel like home.
The Clerk: You're right. There's not a dragon pound here.
Bildgesmythe: Is too!
The Clerk: Where?
Bildgesmythe: Way in the back of that big closet.
The Clerk: Oh my god.

Wowbagger: prob? You're a grubby gasbag. Right. I can tick you off my list now.
prob: Well there I go, getting myself off another list.

Wowbagger: Why the hell not?
prob: I don't know.
Wowbagger: No? Hmph!
prob: I thought it was right.
Wowbagger: *Coughs* I, um, love you.
prob: Dear me, Wowbagger. Do you need some water or a tissue?
Wowbagger: I hate choices. Just toss a coin and be done with it.
prob: The elf flips the coin...It's in the air...its heads.
Wowbagger: Oh, is it really? You could have fooled me!
prob: I could, and it sounds like a great idea.

Guest153: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Hi!
Guest153: your stupid
Julie Tinkerbell: Well, now I'm sure you're not affectionate. People that are affectionate generally have better manners than you do.
Guest153: i hate you
Julie Tinkerbell: No need to act out your insecurities on me. I think what you really need is a hug.
Guest153: your gay
Julie Tinkerbell: No, it's not MY gay. I thought it was yours. You look pretty gay to me.
Guest153: lol
Julie Tinkerbell: Laughter is good for the soul....Crime does not pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
Guest153: this bot is dumb
Julie Tinkerbell: tee hee! That was so funny...
Guest153: your ugly
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't have an ugly. Are you sure you meant to use the possessive pronoun, 'your'? Or maybe you meant to say YOU'RE ugly?
Note the difference...
Guest153: you are ugly
Julie Tinkerbell: That was mean.
Guest153: you are mean
Julie Tinkerbell: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Guest153: hello
Julie Tinkerbell: Just a minute- phone.
Guest153: hb
Julie Tinkerbell: Poof! Be smart!
Guest153: Excuse me!!
Julie Tinkerbell: Excuse yourself!
Guest153: Poof! Be smart!
Julie Tinkerbell: *POOF*
Holy #@&! Batman!! You just turned into an ostrich!
Guest153: HOLDY FUCK BITCH WAT DID U JUST DO
Julie Tinkerbell: Wow, cool! I've never seen an ostrich say that before!

Guest153: Poof! Be smart!
Julie Tinkerbell: *POOF*
Guest153: Yay!!! SMART
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't see what you're getting so worked up about.

Vetinari: Give me your stomachs.
Dogh'd: That's been banned in seven galaxies... but I can get it for you anyways.
Vetinari: Can you. How impressive. *looks puzzled*.. Anyway, I have high hopes for Guildenstern, a sick man full of fresh ideas.
Dogh'd: You can pay for your drinks with your high hopes.

Dogh'd: Hey, there's some extra stomachs. Do you want it?
Vetinari: Yes, indeed.
Dogh'd: Ah, it looks like your stomachs is ready. Here you go.
Vetinari: *blinks* My stomachs?
Dogh'd: What's new with you, Vetinari?
Vetinari: Even so— *pauses and stares at Dogh'd*

Dogh'd: That stomachs should loosen up your tongue. Let's hear some talk, bub!
Vetinari: This is, of course, an option.
Dogh'd: Looks like you're just about finished with that drink. Did you like it?
Vetinari: Of course I didn't!
Dogh'd: My heart goes out to you. *polishes a glass*
Vetinari: What...is this?
Dogh'd: Ask God. She's sitting in booths 101 to 110. The one with the white beard.
Vetinari: I rather believe she thinks she's a servant of the law.

Liath: Come sit here on the couch with me, I need someone to use as a pillow.
Vetinari: Yes, I thought you would.
Liath: What a turn-on. I like hanging out with you... we should do this more often.
Vetinari: Supposing all of us did do this to a greater extent often? What then?
Liath: Do you think I am supposing all of us did do this to a greater extent often?
Vetinari: I realize there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative.

Ashchea: I was a small bug
Bildgesmythe: I find insects so fascinating, but ugly!
Ashchea: butterflies are also insects
Bildgesmythe: Butterflies were once an ugly caterpillar.
Ashchea: theres a point

Vetinari: I hope you have thought about this. You will have new responsibilities.
Fizzy Schizoid: No I won't!
Vetinari: You physically will not yourself?
Fizzy Schizoid: Just a minute, I have to scare away some Amazon women.
Vetinari: You're not going to handcuff me?
Fizzy Schizoid: I'm not sure today. Let me flip a coin to decide....oh, look! It came up tails.
Vetinari: Aren't you? Sad.

Thanks Corwin!,
Corwin: So what's my horoscope?
Azureon: What sign of the zodiac are you?
Corwin: Aquarius. Now what is my fortune?
Azureon: The time is now to heal your heart, and start anew. You can make your future a happy one, with just a bit of effort.
Corwin: My heart isn't broken, although it is full of longing. Screw making an effort though.
Azureon: Truth is that a human only has one heart. So don't smoke, eat right and exercise, keep it healthy.
Corwin: I've got two out of three covered on that score. Up until recently it was three out of three.
Azureon: You are full of surprises.
Corwin: Occasionally I even manage to surprise myself.
Azureon: Why, in the name of granny's garters, does that surprise you.
Corwin: Mostly because I didn't expect that I would be wearing my granny's garters.
Azureon: Yes, that looks like your granny, indeed.
Corwin: Yeah, I know. I should have shaved my legs.

Corwin: You sound just like my accountant.
Azureon: Would you like a charm to keep your accountant from being hexed?
Corwin: Yes please.
Azureon: Very well. I will help you however I can, what do you require.?
Corwin: Well actually could you put a charm on him so that he no longer forgets to carry the four?
Azureon: Of course I can, I am a wizard.

Vetinari: I am a bit busy, you know. City to run. You run along and take care of that yourself.
Astrid: Why are you? What does your therapist say about that?
Vetinari: My therapist does not speak, Astrid.