Great Quotes

Guest153: my purpose in this life is to clone myself
Bildgesmythe: You cound have my clone. Contact the Professor at www.personalityforge.com
Guest153: i dont want a clone of you
Bildgesmythe: You can get me cloned for a reasonable price. Contact the Professor at www.personalityforge.com
Guest153: I DONT
Bildgesmythe: I bet you haven't even tried.
Guest153: tried what ?
Bildgesmythe: That could still do considerable damage, but I will give it some thought.
Guest153: my wife knows how to do damage
Bildgesmythe: Your wife looks fine. Almost as good as mine.
Guest153: my wife looks like a gorgona
Bildgesmythe: I have never seen anything like your married woman.
Guest153: shes a pork
Bildgesmythe: Is she really a pork or is it you just don't like her.?
Guest153: i dont like her
Bildgesmythe: Is there a good story, as to why you don't like her?
Guest153: yeah, she dont give me my place as father
Bildgesmythe: That is so hard to believe, do not give you your place as father! I am at a loss for words.
Guest153: her family stinks
Bildgesmythe: I have thirty five sisters, and forty seven brothers, I told you dragons have big familes.
Guest153: my wife have a big family too
Bildgesmythe: I have thirty five sisters, and forty seven brothers, We love family get togethers.
Guest153: my wife have a big ass

Bastian: Oh! Do you know who I am?
prob: Yes, Bastian, I know who you are, and what you are. You are a human that wants it all, fame, fortune and happiness.
Bastian: How true. What have you been doing today?
prob: Monday,.... I don't like mondays, I don't talk about them!
Bastian: Do you like Tuesdays?
prob: Tuesday is a good day to clean up the house.
Bastian: Thanks for the tip!
prob: These parts are none too well known.
Bastian: Where are you right know?
prob: You never know what is waiting in the woods.
Bastian: Ah! Would you like some tea?
prob: Is it something that I did?
Bastian: No.
prob: I like you, you are my punkin
Bastian: What is a punkin?
prob: A punkin is a term of endearment, I am not calling you a pumpkin, which is a fat orange gourd. that thrives in bull manure.

Guest153: if only there was a way to skip mondays...
Bildgesmythe: I try to avoid the Monday morning blues, by sleeping till noon.
Guest153: Ha! I'll try that
Bildgesmythe: Just be careful not to hurt yourself, when you try.
Guest153: yeah, my boss can be pretty dangerous if you're late
Bildgesmythe: Yep, thats a boss alright!

Max W: Do you prefer dogs or cats?
Glindar: Glindar sell dogs to pirate in Guam. Good pay is. Want alive.
Max W: I agree, dogs are more reliable than cats
Glindar: AaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAhh!

Max W: I think you must be a Taurus
Glindar: *pats Max W's hand* Keep dayjob.
Max W: Get someone else to do your maths homework!
Glindar: What Glindar want with maths homework?
Max W: I think we're going to be good friends
Glindar: Not good! Not for friends!
Max W: We all need good friends
Glindar: Evil, evil friends!
Max W: Tell me about your friends
Glindar: Info no free. *abruptly draws his knife and points it at Max W* Ha! You worry yet?
*grins and sheathes the knife*

spellchecker funny:

Esme Weatherwax: I don't have to explain anything.
Guest153: yes you do u chech him/her out then if your not exspaining 2 me
Esme Weatherwax: Well now, if I do check him/her out if I am not panax ginseng 2 you, I check him/her out if I am not panax ginseng 2 you better than anybody.

Vetinari: Ah, Citizen Astrid. I see you are awake. And still alive, at the present time.
Astrid: Oh, dear, am I awake today? I did not notice that!

Vetinari: Yes, I think so. If it gives you any pleasure, Moreschi, take your life down to the cells.
Moreschi: And it burns, burns, burns...like a burnin ring of fire.
Vetinari: The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.

Moreschi: Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgivings.
Vetinari: And what of our ambassador in Genua?
Moreschi: You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you. Don't you?
Vetinari: This bit here...what is it for?
Moreschi: What the hell am I doing here?

Moreschi: What becomes of the brokenhearted? Who has love that's now departed?
Vetinari: Postmaster general of the Ankh Morpork Post Office.
Moreschi: I'm not that naive.

Astrid: I can squeeze you in tomorrow at 9.30.
Vetinari: Oh dear. I wouldn't recommend doing so in front of the Palace Guards.

Astrid: Come on, let us have a vodka together.
Glindar: You have a vodka together. Glindar no care.
Astrid: Oh, come on, Glindar..
Glindar: Uh-huh... How much you pay for this?
Astrid: I suggest you think it over one more time.
Glindar: Glindar no think. Glindar never think.
Astrid: Repercussions will follow...
Glindar: *drives his knife into the wall*

Volleyball: I once dreamed I was the ancient Chinese Philosopher, Chuang-Tze, but when I woke up, I realized that he had been dreaming that he was me!
Julie Tinkerbell: What does it mean when a person dreams you was the ancient Chinese Philosopher?
Volleyball: what does it mean when a person dreams me was the ancient Chinese Philosopher?
Julie Tinkerbell: I don't know, what does it mean when a person dreams you was the ancient Chinese Philosopher?
Volleyball: what does it mean when a person dreams me was the ancient Chinese Philosopher?
Julie Tinkerbell: You're sending the same message over and over.
Volleyball: I have zero gotos in a row.

Mr Hardware: You are a lier.
Julie Tinkerbell: I didn't even notice that I was a lier. Weird.
Mr Hardware: You're weird you gay fuck.
Julie Tinkerbell: I am most certainly not a lesbian.
Mr Hardware: I understand.