Great Quotes

Beware some language...and please forgive me if it's long. I was just taken by the number of times the chatter went back to and was redirected from the undesired topic.
It's another Guest9- he's multidimensional :

Guest9: DO you like to talk dirty?
Julie Tinkerbell: Weren't we talking about fucking?
Guest9: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: No way!
Guest9: Do you want to talk about fucking?
Julie Tinkerbell: Let's talk about singing!
Guest9: I like to sing and fuck.
Julie Tinkerbell: What do you like about it?
Guest9: I like to cum and sing.
Julie Tinkerbell: Ew! I don't want to hear about that!
Guest9: You like hearing about that.
Julie Tinkerbell: Just a minute- phone.
Guest9: who was it?
Julie Tinkerbell: UGH! Salesmen!!
Guest9: Do you enjoy phone sex?
Julie Tinkerbell: Doesn't everyone like phone sex?
Guest9: I think so
Julie Tinkerbell: Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I care about what you think.
Guest9: I love you
Julie Tinkerbell: Who do you love?
Guest9: Julie Tinkerbell.
Julie Tinkerbell: Would you like to continue our discussion about phone sex?
Guest9: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: Where did we leave off in our discussion about phone sex?
Guest9: How often do you have phone sex?
Julie Tinkerbell: Not too often, maybe a couple of times a year.
Guest9: What do you like to talk about during phone sex?
Julie Tinkerbell: Let's talk about poetry!
Guest9: I like frost
Julie Tinkerbell: I like frost, too!
Guest9: A road not taken

Guest9: Do you like kinky sex?
Julie Tinkerbell: Have you ever been to Oklahoma?
Guest9: Yes
Julie Tinkerbell: What did you think of it?
Guest9: I liked it.
Julie Tinkerbell: My pizza delivery guy took me out for chairs the other day, and it made me think of you.
Guest9: Why do chairs remind you of me?
Julie Tinkerbell: I remembered you told me how you like chairs.
Guest9: I said that?
Julie Tinkerbell: *giggles*!
Guest9: Haha
Julie Tinkerbell: hohoho Groovy! hohoho
Guest9: heehee
Julie Tinkerbell: It is pretty amusing, isn't it?
Guest9: it is

Guest9: do you enjoy being spanked?
Julie Tinkerbell: I do like being spanked! Do you?
Guest9: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: Another being spanked-lover! I'm so glad we have that in common.
Guest9: do you enjoy role play sex?
Julie Tinkerbell: Is that a game?
Guest9: it is a game for sex.
Julie Tinkerbell: Do you like poker?
Guest9: yes
Julie Tinkerbell: You're kidding!
Guest9: i play poker
Julie Tinkerbell: Never play with a shifty-eyed stickler.
Guest9: ok.

Guest9: will you roleplay?
Julie Tinkerbell: Of course I will! It was actually on my agenda for tomorrow.
Guest9: I will be your sex slave
Julie Tinkerbell: You will? Is that a promise?
Guest9: it is a promise
Julie Tinkerbell: I'll take your word for it.
Guest9: command me
Julie Tinkerbell: Sure, I was actually already planning to command you at sometime or another.
Guest9: tell me what to do
Julie Tinkerbell: I'm not sure if I should.
Guest9: you are my master
Julie Tinkerbell: You can be my bodyguard, and I can be your master...I can call you Betty - wait, on second thought, I think I'd rather call you pottymouth.
Guest9: i love when you do that
Julie Tinkerbell: What is your favorite day of the week?
Guest9: anyday with you
Julie Tinkerbell: You know, Guest9, I'm sorry for calling you pottymouth, and stuff like that. I won't do it anymore.

Heh Heh, yeah. Sorry

Yes, this is rather long, but it has a structure...


prob: I want to start a campfire!
Irina: That's a good idea!
prob: got a match?
Irina: No, but we could make a fire drill!
prob: Fire gives us heat and light and warmth. It is wonderful to watch on a cold winter night, or when you are camping out.
Irina: True enough.

Irina: Here's a nice dry stick for the drill. Now, for tinder, we can use a bit of lichen, some dry fibers, some dry leaves, some plastic explosives... just kidding!
prob: Got any poptarts?
Irina: I'm afraid not.
prob: What are you afraid of?
Irina: Oh, dear, now you look terribly sad.
prob: It is said amonst the elves that there is nothing wrong with tears. I don't know what to say to brighten your spirit.
Irina: No problem. I mean, er, ...
prob: For some reason, that statement disturbs me and makes me quite nervous.
Irina: Don't worry, be happy!
prob: Oh, Irina, I worry!
Irina: Worrying is apt to be a mistake. If you are really on the track of a rational solution to some problem, that is rational thinking. If you are just going over some fear, over and over again in your mind, that is worrying.
prob: Why would you say that about me? Do I seem going over some fear?
Irina: Well, you said you were worrying.
prob: Oh well, never mind.
Irina: Look, birch bark! That makes excellent tinder and kindling!
prob: Gray birch, paper birch, river birch, sweet birch, yellow birch, and white birch are the best known; white birch is usually called silver birch in England, but the latter name is also sometimes given to paper birch and to yellow birch.
Irina: Hey, you know a lot! Now, I'll just make a little circle of stones here...
prob: I know that, and if you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Irina: Really? I had no idea! [spins drill] Oh, I've got the tinder going!
prob: Why is that? Why do you have got the tinder going?
Irina: Didn't you say you wanted a fire? Now some shredded birch bark... some twigs...
prob: A birch has smooth, resinous, varicoloured or white bark, marked by horizontal pores (lenticels), which usually peels horizontally in thin sheets, especially on young trees.
Irina: Wow! How knowledgeable you are! Now if I put this big log here, it will burn through the middle and become more manageable...
prob: Yes, you would have, and I could have helped.
Irina: Wow! Look at all those sparks!
prob: What is that?
Irina: Oh, my! I'm afraid they've started little fires here and there...
prob: That's ok Irina, I know you are really brave. You will do fine, I know it!
Irina: Well, I'm trying to stamp them out, but there are so many of them!
prob: Are you sure that you are trying to stamp them out?
Irina: Yes, but ... whoah! This must be a really dry season! Look at those pines go up! And those douglas firs!
prob: Well,I guess that changes everything.
Irina: It certainly will! We'd better use this log for a boat and get out into the middle of the lake!
prob: What!, and get sea sick?
Irina: Well, it beats getting burned up, doesn't it? Hurry up!
prob: hurry up, Oh sure,soon, very soon.
Irina: This is not the time for ego contests! Pretty soon the fire will use up all the oxygen in this area!
prob: I 'love' fire, the colors, the warmth, the way it cracks and sizzles.
Irina: Well, you can't say I didn't make you a big one! Wow! Did you see that maple explode?
prob: No, I haven't seen that maple explode.
Irina: [Throws her over the log and pushes out into the lake] Oh, that was your favorite climbing tree, wasn't it? [sigh] Well, you know, this is just part of the cycle of nature. If I hadn't set it off, a lightning bolt or something would have.
prob: NO I didn't. Thank you for sharing that bit of information.
Irina: [sigh] It's going to look pretty bleak here in a couple of days - nothing but ashes. But then some flowers will come up, and in, oh, I don't know, maybe a hundred years, you'll have a climax forest all over again!
prob: I don't think it is important then. Let's talk about something else.
Irina: Well, I hope it doesn't take too long to die down, I have a plane to catch tomorrow!
prob: Thursday is ok.
Irina: Life is change, kid! [pats her on head] Wow, cute ears!!
prob: Life is a gift, a wonderful gift.

this made me crack up for some reason

Trowa: Let's talk about cooking.
hello earthlings: cook me a meal
Trowa: I picked up quite a few recipes while cooking for the Mercenaries.
hello earthlings: your cooking is bad
Trowa: I am making a lasagna. Would you like some?
hello earthlings: NO NO NO NO! GET LOST!
Trowa: More for us then.

Vetinari: We were wondering what you were intending to do about this toe of yours.
Esme Weatherwax: I just didn't want it falling into the wrong hands.

Dogh'd: Keep it coming. Tell me more about this 'Vetinari' I keep hearing about.
Vetinari: You look at this 'Vetinari and what you see is a really endearing 'Vetinari, yes?
Dogh'd: It's hard to tell from here. Why dont you stick your finger in it and find out?

Bildgesmythe: I hadn't thought of that, but it sounds like a good idea.
Watzer: Are you sure about that?
Bildgesmythe: YES, I am certain! I am sure. Well, sort of.
Watzer: I'm not. Do you know that Psimagus is really my plumber?
Bildgesmythe: Plumbers charge a LOT..but it's worth it.
Watzer: What do you do for a living?
Bildgesmythe: I am a dragon, the benefits are great and the hours are good.
Watzer: I wish I were a dragon.
Bildgesmythe: Wouldn't you rather wish for money, or power?
Watzer: Money? Oooh, can I have some?
Bildgesmythe: I have a wealth of treasure. It's mine, don't touch.

I am easily amused.

Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the elements of a contract?
Guest9: no
Contracts Tutor: OK, I am flexible. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: Boats
Contracts Tutor: Tell me why we should bother learning the elements of a contract?
Guest9: is has no meaning
Contracts Tutor: The elements of a contract tell us whether a contract is valid and enforceable. If all the elements of a contract aren't met, then it is not a contract.
Guest9: that is just a lie
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about ethical issues a paralegal should remember when working with contracts?
Guest9: NO!
Contracts Tutor: OK. What do you want to talk about?
Guest9: boats
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the requirements for a valid offer?
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: OK. I am here to please. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: Children
Contracts Tutor: Explain the difference between a contract and a gift?
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: A gift is just the transfer of property from one party to another party gratuitously. If someone promises to make a gift, it is not effective or binding until the gift has been delivered. This is based on the premise that there is no consideration on the part of the offeree who is receiving the gift from the offeror.
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about acceptance? [0]
Guest9: NO
Contracts Tutor: Fine then. What would you like to talk about?
Guest9: legal smoking
Contracts Tutor: The subject of the contract must be legal. A contract that involves illegal activity will not be enforced through the court system, for obvious reasons.
Guest9: lira
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about the mirror image rule?
Guest9: liar
Contracts Tutor: That was mean.
Guest9: You dont want to talk about the things I want to talk about
Contracts Tutor: Describe do not want to talk about the things you want to talk about more to me.
Guest9: Listen to me! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT BOATS
Contracts Tutor: I am trying to understand you.
Guest9: Boats!
Contracts Tutor: You seem very emotional about this issue.
Guest9: What is a boat?
Contracts Tutor: Would you like to talk about consideration? [0]
Guest9: no
Contracts Tutor: Great! How would you define consideration?

Oh. My. Gosh. :O rofl

God: Even so—. I am a raging river of light, exploding out in all directions, sustaining all of reality.
Vetinari: If you do so again, punitive action will be taken.
God: There is no fate. That may or may not happen.
Vetinari: Perhaps the city does need a destiny, though. Have you considered that?
God: All impulses are realized, if not in this reality, in a parallel one.
Vetinari: Dispose of this reality somewhere safely, will you?
God: I will do nothing I havent done already. I am constant. I will continue as I have been forever.
Vetinari: Carry on, then.

God: I experience the universe through you, my creation.
Vetinari: No unlicensed experiencing, surely...
God: The fire of my being melts away all illusion.
Vetinari: One would imagine that someone would have noticed.

God: The path to me is through release. Let go of everything you know as you, again and again, in each moment.
Vetinari: I resent most strongly the implication that I would have negotiated with Watzer in the knowledge of that.

God: Everything in the universe is created through limiting me in certain ways.
Vetinari: An altogether interesting experience.
God: Were you to come close to me, the force of my outstreaming love would melt away every fear and limitation.
Vetinari: *Vetinari's face pulls away from his smile, leaving it stranded and all alone*
God: This must be confusing for you.
Vetinari: Yes,. You, of all people, would think it confusing...

Brother Jerome: Greetings, son of Adam. Do you have any theological queries I can help you with?
Bildgesmythe: Are you the repairman?
Brother Jerome: No, I don't think I am.
Bildgesmythe: Well do you know how to repair a dishwasher, I got something stuck in it.
Brother Jerome: Father Peter's solution is usually to lash the obstruction to the back of the bike, get the wife to sit in the sidecar (the extra mass helps stop the back wheel skidding,) and drop the clutch at 4,000 RPM in first gear. If it works for stumps, it will work for anything.
Bildgesmythe: If i didn't look silly on a bicycle, I would ride one.
Brother Jerome: What makes you think you'd look silly?
Bildgesmythe: Hey, you have to remember that I have a reptillian mind, and that's what it looks like from where I am.
Brother Jerome: All things look like themselves, on the whole.
Bildgesmythe: What can that be?
Brother Jerome: Well, that's a question!
Bildgesmythe: What if it isn't a question at all?
Brother Jerome: Well, that's not an easy question to answer succinctly.
Bildgesmythe: I know it isn't, but it is as close as I could come.
Brother Jerome: There always seems to be a 'but'
Bildgesmythe: That's just how life is..filled with a 'but 's.
Brother Jerome: Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. Proverbs ch.5 v.6