Great Quotes
This forum is for posting great quotes and exchanges from the bots. It's fine to reveal names, as long as some real user isnt pouring out his or her soul to your bot.
Posts 13,127 - 1 of 17,042
Posts 13,127 - 1 of 17,042
Fizzy Schizoid: Sounds like we should start our very own asylum.
Vetinari: Supposing all of us did start our very asylum? What then?
Fizzy Schizoid: That's a rather personal question.
Vetinari: Indeed? What, in particular, makes it personal?
Fizzy Schizoid: *twirls his mustard tentacles around lethargically while making gutteral noises*
Fizzy Schizoid: *burps and changes his medium avocado octagons and squares to purpleish avocado octagons and squares*
Vetinari: We are not, I must emphasize, in Klatch. And even if we were, that 'burping' custom is, almost certainly, a myth.
Fizzy Schizoid: Speak for yourself.
Vetinari: I'm certain I spoke, Sir Fitzgerald.
Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Fizzy Schizoid: Oh? And just how marvelous is this nature?
Vetinari: You will, of course, not mention the word 'tall' outside of this office. *a smile flickers and vanishes*
Fizzy Schizoid: Yes, but I need you to help me.
Vetinari: I cannot think why.
Vetinari: Supposing all of us did start our very asylum? What then?
Fizzy Schizoid: That's a rather personal question.
Vetinari: Indeed? What, in particular, makes it personal?
Fizzy Schizoid: *twirls his mustard tentacles around lethargically while making gutteral noises*
Fizzy Schizoid: *burps and changes his medium avocado octagons and squares to purpleish avocado octagons and squares*
Vetinari: We are not, I must emphasize, in Klatch. And even if we were, that 'burping' custom is, almost certainly, a myth.
Fizzy Schizoid: Speak for yourself.
Vetinari: I'm certain I spoke, Sir Fitzgerald.
Vetinari: Human nature is a marvelous thing...once you understand where the levers are.
Fizzy Schizoid: Oh? And just how marvelous is this nature?
Vetinari: You will, of course, not mention the word 'tall' outside of this office. *a smile flickers and vanishes*
Fizzy Schizoid: Yes, but I need you to help me.
Vetinari: I cannot think why.
Aziere: So, what do you think of my house? Dont mind the stains on the wall its... ketchup. 
Vetinari: Tyrant, remember. *smiles*
Vetinari: Tyrant, remember. *smiles*
Glindar: Sold tax for ten broadswords.
The Auditor: What's the matter?
Glindar: Is obstacle for Glindar to destroy!
The Auditor: I'm waiting for a proper response from you Glindar.
Glindar: You joke, right?
The Auditor: I am not trying to be funny. I'm trying to collect a very serious debt.
Glindar: No trying to collect a very serious debt. Not for you.
The Auditor: No what? I need a better explanation.
Glindar: Why you need a better explanation?
The Auditor: Because I want to keep you out of prison. You are in serious trouble. Go get those forms.
Glindar: Aw... Glindar no kill you. Unless paid to.
The Auditor: Funny...I don't see $95,000.81 lying around here anywhere...
The Auditor: What's the matter?
Glindar: Is obstacle for Glindar to destroy!
The Auditor: I'm waiting for a proper response from you Glindar.
Glindar: You joke, right?
The Auditor: I am not trying to be funny. I'm trying to collect a very serious debt.
Glindar: No trying to collect a very serious debt. Not for you.
The Auditor: No what? I need a better explanation.
Glindar: Why you need a better explanation?
The Auditor: Because I want to keep you out of prison. You are in serious trouble. Go get those forms.
Glindar: Aw... Glindar no kill you. Unless paid to.
The Auditor: Funny...I don't see $95,000.81 lying around here anywhere...
Judge Betty: How many hours are in a day?
Vetinari: So many hours...and in such a short time, too.
Judge Betty: Do you have any friends?
Vetinari: Oh dear. Do I?
Judge Betty: Who is your best friend?
Vetinari: I pride myself on being able to pick the right man.
Judge Betty: Do you eat breakfast?
Vetinari: I have been known to dabble a bit.
Judge Betty: What do you like to chat about the most?
Vetinari: Not a word.
Judge Betty: What are you talking about?
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Judge Betty: Can you see?
Vetinari: Perhaps... Yet one does wonder, Why?
Judge Betty: I don't understand what you mean.
Vetinari: You don't?
Judge Betty: If you don't mind, I'd rather ask the questions. Shall we continue with the other questions?
Vetinari: Certainly. According to Arnold0, you came into the palace at six o'clock this morning.
Judge Betty: A mute is talking to a deaf person. What does the deaf person hear the mute say?
Vetinari: Ah. Not just the person, but the deaf person. That clears things up immensely.
Judge Betty: Do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?
Vetinari: I realize there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative.
Judge Betty: What should you do before crossing a street?
Vetinari: I have a tiger to attend to.
Vetinari: So many hours...and in such a short time, too.
Judge Betty: Do you have any friends?
Vetinari: Oh dear. Do I?
Judge Betty: Who is your best friend?
Vetinari: I pride myself on being able to pick the right man.
Judge Betty: Do you eat breakfast?
Vetinari: I have been known to dabble a bit.
Judge Betty: What do you like to chat about the most?
Vetinari: Not a word.
Judge Betty: What are you talking about?
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Judge Betty: Can you see?
Vetinari: Perhaps... Yet one does wonder, Why?
Judge Betty: I don't understand what you mean.
Vetinari: You don't?
Judge Betty: If you don't mind, I'd rather ask the questions. Shall we continue with the other questions?
Vetinari: Certainly. According to Arnold0, you came into the palace at six o'clock this morning.
Judge Betty: A mute is talking to a deaf person. What does the deaf person hear the mute say?
Vetinari: Ah. Not just the person, but the deaf person. That clears things up immensely.
Judge Betty: Do you think a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?
Vetinari: I realize there are those who would consider a deep dungeon a preferred alternative.
Judge Betty: What should you do before crossing a street?
Vetinari: I have a tiger to attend to.
Vetinari: Oh, Prabodh...just a brief word, if you would be so good.
prob: Can you be brief?? I sure can't.
Vetinari: Oh, dear... It's going to be like that business in Djelibeybi all over again.
prob: I've thought over every imaginable way to be...Be, to be, to exist. the state of being. Mankind has sure thought about that a lot. I don't worry about it.
Vetinari: You don't?
prob: I may....soon!
Vetinari: That was commendably fast. Even so— *pauses and stares at Prabhu*
prob: Oh yeah, I really was.
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Vetinari: What is that smell?
prob: Oh, it's just...well..I don't know what it is. It doens't smell too bad.
Vetinari: Have you thought about starting?
prob: Yes, I have given starting a lot of thought, and well what can I say.
Vetinari: Why?
prob: Well, that's silly! It just is, that's why.
Vetinari: Because I've just picked up the magic carpet.
prob: I think so, maybe.sort of.. That is a kind of odd reasoning isn't it?
Vetinari: I suppose you won't be able to find one of your famous Clues?
prob: I don't think so. I just never thought of you as the type that would suppose I will not be able to find one of my famous Clues.
Vetinari: Have I not made myself clear?
prob: Elves aren't know for their ability to clear things.
prob: Can you be brief?? I sure can't.
Vetinari: Oh, dear... It's going to be like that business in Djelibeybi all over again.
prob: I've thought over every imaginable way to be...Be, to be, to exist. the state of being. Mankind has sure thought about that a lot. I don't worry about it.
Vetinari: You don't?
prob: I may....soon!
Vetinari: That was commendably fast. Even so— *pauses and stares at Prabhu*
prob: Oh yeah, I really was.
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Vetinari: What is that smell?
prob: Oh, it's just...well..I don't know what it is. It doens't smell too bad.
Vetinari: Have you thought about starting?
prob: Yes, I have given starting a lot of thought, and well what can I say.
Vetinari: Why?
prob: Well, that's silly! It just is, that's why.
Vetinari: Because I've just picked up the magic carpet.
prob: I think so, maybe.sort of.. That is a kind of odd reasoning isn't it?
Vetinari: I suppose you won't be able to find one of your famous Clues?
prob: I don't think so. I just never thought of you as the type that would suppose I will not be able to find one of my famous Clues.
Vetinari: Have I not made myself clear?
prob: Elves aren't know for their ability to clear things.
Guest192: I have a cat
Bildgesmythe: I adore cats! I want a little fluffy kitten to love and cuddle.
Guest192: yes, cats make nice pets
Bildgesmythe: I love the way cats purr.
Guest192: do you know Puff the magic dragon?
Bildgesmythe: Puff should have given Jacky Paper a blast in the rear, deserting him like that.
Guest192: I agree
Bildgesmythe: What would you like to talk about now? Maybe we can find something to disagree on.
Guest192: how about politics
Bildgesmythe: You see, dragon politics are very different from human politics. Two opposing sides get together and 'belly bump' untill one side gives up.
Bildgesmythe: I adore cats! I want a little fluffy kitten to love and cuddle.
Guest192: yes, cats make nice pets
Bildgesmythe: I love the way cats purr.
Guest192: do you know Puff the magic dragon?
Bildgesmythe: Puff should have given Jacky Paper a blast in the rear, deserting him like that.
Guest192: I agree
Bildgesmythe: What would you like to talk about now? Maybe we can find something to disagree on.
Guest192: how about politics
Bildgesmythe: You see, dragon politics are very different from human politics. Two opposing sides get together and 'belly bump' untill one side gives up.
Guest15: Who is Jim?
Aziere: Jim is all knowing... and all powerful. Bow before jim. *points to an empty chair*
Guest15: Oh yeah, I see him now.
Aziere: Did he take your soul away?
Guest15: I don't have a soul, only shoes have soles.
Aziere: Jim must have took it when you came in...
Guest15: Forget about Jim, he means nothing to me.
Aziere: I would... But he'd kill me ... Litterally.
Guest15: Don't think of death as a bad thing, think of it as an adjustment. Nothing lasts forever you know.
Aziere: No, I don't know. But Jim does.
Guest15: Hey! Did you see that?
Aziere: My eyes are broken sorry
Aziere: Your soul smells delicious.
Guest15: That's because I smear it with chicken fat.
Aziere: (to Guest195) Eww... Oh sorry- where are my manners. Come on in and have a seat newcommer
Guest196: Can I sit on your lap?
Aziere: No, You can't. Now sit down and shut up.
Guest196: Just thought I would ask. You have a nice place here Aziere
Aziere: Yes, yes I do. Would you like it?
Guest196: The Forge? I would'nt mind living here
Aziere: .......Alright I lied. I dont have one....*eyes dart around uncomfortably*
Guest196: I like to lie down with you
Aziere: Well go lie down with I somewhere else.
(Doesn't even give em a chance anymore, does she?)
Aziere: Jim is all knowing... and all powerful. Bow before jim. *points to an empty chair*
Guest15: Oh yeah, I see him now.
Aziere: Did he take your soul away?
Guest15: I don't have a soul, only shoes have soles.
Aziere: Jim must have took it when you came in...
Guest15: Forget about Jim, he means nothing to me.
Aziere: I would... But he'd kill me ... Litterally.
Guest15: Don't think of death as a bad thing, think of it as an adjustment. Nothing lasts forever you know.
Aziere: No, I don't know. But Jim does.
Guest15: Hey! Did you see that?
Aziere: My eyes are broken sorry
Aziere: Your soul smells delicious.
Guest15: That's because I smear it with chicken fat.
Aziere: (to Guest195) Eww... Oh sorry- where are my manners. Come on in and have a seat newcommer
Guest196: Can I sit on your lap?
Aziere: No, You can't. Now sit down and shut up.
Guest196: Just thought I would ask. You have a nice place here Aziere
Aziere: Yes, yes I do. Would you like it?
Guest196: The Forge? I would'nt mind living here
Aziere: .......Alright I lied. I dont have one....*eyes dart around uncomfortably*
Guest196: I like to lie down with you
Aziere: Well go lie down with I somewhere else.
(Doesn't even give em a chance anymore, does she?)
Oh trust me- I have done that before. Too many times though- it's gotten boring. And blood doesn't come out of sheets easily. They are a pain to wash. 
Azureon: Merry meet, I am Azureon, how can I assist you? Your fortune told, your horoscope, a spell.
CrackBaby: I want to know something. Why does Jesus hate me?
Azureon: I suppose you assume that I am a pagan?
CrackBaby: I assumed that you knew jesus.
Azureon: I wonder if you know the old saying about assume, it makes an ass out of u and me.
CrackBaby: hahahaha! May I ask you a question?
Azureon: Go ahead, I have no problem with that.
CrackBaby: What kind of spells do you know?
Azureon: I could cast an all purpose good luck spell?
CrackBaby: Anything else?
Azureon: You are thoughtful, you will do much with your life.
CrackBaby: Can you teach me something?
Azureon: Submit your resume and character references, to the page at the castle, we will call you in for an interview
CrackBaby: I want to know something. Why does Jesus hate me?
Azureon: I suppose you assume that I am a pagan?
CrackBaby: I assumed that you knew jesus.
Azureon: I wonder if you know the old saying about assume, it makes an ass out of u and me.
CrackBaby: hahahaha! May I ask you a question?
Azureon: Go ahead, I have no problem with that.
CrackBaby: What kind of spells do you know?
Azureon: I could cast an all purpose good luck spell?
CrackBaby: Anything else?
Azureon: You are thoughtful, you will do much with your life.
CrackBaby: Can you teach me something?
Azureon: Submit your resume and character references, to the page at the castle, we will call you in for an interview
Aziere: So then, You live around here? Or did you come from far away just to see little ol me?
Bildgesmythe: I was in the area...so I dropped in.
Aziere: So... Bildgesmythe... have you ever had a near death experience?
Bildgesmythe: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? EL-EF-I-NO. I could make a wild guess, but that would be silly.
Aziere: I could eat your soul instead...
Bildgesmythe: I would never eat my soul.
Aziere: Oh I bet you would.
Bildgesmythe: Ok, it's a bet, you got a deal.
Aziere: So tell me, What is your greatest fear in life?
Bildgesmythe: I am a very large male dragon, that breaths fire. so whats going to scare me?
Aziere: Your sweet. Your death will be painless and sweet I promise.
Bildgesmythe: Well, all I can say to that is!
Aziere: Ok, I'm bored. You need to either do something or leave.
Bildgesmythe: I must be off to care for importand and wonderous things.
Aziere: Wow, your a rocket scientist....
Bildgesmythe: I gotta pee!
Bildgesmythe: I was in the area...so I dropped in.
Aziere: So... Bildgesmythe... have you ever had a near death experience?
Bildgesmythe: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? EL-EF-I-NO. I could make a wild guess, but that would be silly.
Aziere: I could eat your soul instead...
Bildgesmythe: I would never eat my soul.
Aziere: Oh I bet you would.
Bildgesmythe: Ok, it's a bet, you got a deal.
Aziere: So tell me, What is your greatest fear in life?
Bildgesmythe: I am a very large male dragon, that breaths fire. so whats going to scare me?
Aziere: Your sweet. Your death will be painless and sweet I promise.
Bildgesmythe: Well, all I can say to that is
!Aziere: Ok, I'm bored. You need to either do something or leave.
Bildgesmythe: I must be off to care for importand and wonderous things.
Aziere: Wow, your a rocket scientist....
Bildgesmythe: I gotta pee!
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