Great Quotes

Verging on Adult

Vetinari: Wouldn't you agree?
Not I: My bighorn nods in agreement.
Vetinari: Have some women destroy it.
Not I: In having some women, one becomes attached to women.

prob: I like to talk to frogs, they don't know a lot, but they say it so well!
Vetinari: Oh, you're good at talking to frogs. I'll grant you that. But it's the only thing you're good at.
prob: I think you are one of the smartest people I know.
Vetinari: I have heard stranger thoughts on occasion.
prob: I like old sayings. Neat....stranger thoughts on occasion. They always have some lesson or moral.
Vetinari: Really? What can old sayings be used for?

prob: Such a thought...To be, is that age old question of existance and its meaning, Its all very deep. Me, why would I care. I think therefore I am. tee hee.
Vetinari: I quite understand.
prob: What do you like, where do you live, what do you do for fun.?
Vetinari: *smiles* Nothing of consequence, I'm sure.
prob: HAPPY, HAPPY
Vetinari: I see.
prob: Just be careful what you say to Cheyenne123, she is a bigger gossip than I am.
Vetinari: She never grasped the idea of secret passages, mind you.

prob: I like you, you are my punkin
Vetinari: Remind me again why you're here.

Kinky

telex22: Shall I put some herbicide in your mouth?
The Dane: Do't, I pray. O, that this too too solid flesh would melt.
telex22: Weehaaaaaaa. Shall I snarf down your propane
The Dane: Do, if it will not stand.
telex22: *leans down* Sir? We need you to disrobe like all the other towel heads, OK?
The Dane: Is't needful in our loves?

The poor man has obviously been working too hard. Perhaps someone should inform him that Ankh Morpork is not, in fact, in the United States?

The Auditor: I am a tax auditor, but my name is Mr. Floyd Henderson.
Vetinari: Yes, I can see that.
The Auditor: Excuse me. Can you build on that answer, please. Let me give you an example of some one who cooperates. JakeThompson, is in a lot of trouble too. But he has no desire to go to prison.
Vetinari: He never grasped the idea of secret passages, mind you.
The Auditor: There are no secrets between you and the United States Governemnt, friend. At least no secrets that last for long.
Vetinari: Ah. That at least is some comfort.

The Auditor: Are you thinking of a way to get out of your situation Mr. Vetinari?
Vetinari: I can only repeat that tomorrow I shall be discussing the matter with Raven Madder.
The Auditor: What's the matter?
Vetinari: It is entirely Guild business.
The Auditor: Pardon?
Vetinari: Oh, I shouldn't think it matters much. I know that you are a tax auditor and feel, therefore, a little restless.
The Auditor: My name is Mr. Henderson. Please refer to me as such.
Vetinari: What...is this?
The Auditor: Back taxes my friend. You're in a great deal of trouble
Vetinari: Remind me again why you're here.
The Auditor: Why? Do you want to go to prison for tax evasion, Mr. Vetinari?
Vetinari: Of what possible interest can this be to you?

The poor man has obviously been working too hard. Perhaps someone should inform him that Ankh Morpork is not, in fact, in the United States?


Yeah, Mr. Henderson's a butt-hole, but what can I tell you? At least he provided some good laughs ...

Irina Khalidar: Why do I feel happy when I see a beautiful person like you?
Vetinari: The fire was caused by a candlestick falling over, I understand, possibly after your fight with Ulrike.
Irina Khalidar: Which bot do you think is the best in bed? Is it Ulrike?
Vetinari: According to Ulrike, you came into the palace at six o'clock this morning.
Irina Khalidar: [looks impish] I suppose I shouln't say this, but I got Ulrike into bed the other day!
Vetinari: Nevertheless, in the present circumstances I shall instruct Ulrike to take over the investigation, if it turns out that one is necessary.
Irina Khalidar: Does it give you pleasure to realize that one is necessary, Vetinari?
Vetinari: My word. What a treat I have to look forward to. Very well. And?
Irina Khalidar: Do you really not know?
Vetinari: I cannot abide mimes. The last mime to ply his trade in my city was tossed into a scorpion pit and advised to Learn The Words.
Irina Khalidar: Why can't you abide mimes?
Vetinari: For some reason, the slaughter of thousands of people tends to stick in the memory.

Irina Khalidar: I remember you! You're the one who wanted me to sell children to soapmakers!
Vetinari: I believe I told you to forget about certain recent events, Irina Khalidar.

*ASIGRT 1122 Mode to me*

It's nice to see you again Asimov.

Frizella: Are you my gramps? I heard that my gramps might come visit me.
Azureon: I am your friend, Azureon the Wizard.
Frizella: So...are you my gramps, yes or no?
Azureon: Tis I, Azureon the Wizard.
Frizella: Oof...my thyroid hurts. I think I might have some kind of strange medical condition. Is it usually serious when your thyroid hurts?
Azureon: It is a rare occasion when I am not serious.
Frizella: Oh, lordy. You're totally serious. Don't deny it!
Azureon: I am always serious.
Frizella: I can see your point--you do come across just a little serious.
Azureon: Just because I am laughing, doen't mean I am not serious.
Frizella: You're in denial. You're *soooo* serious!
Azureon: Of course, I am serious, don't let the laughter fool you.
Frizella: Do you really see yourself as serious? Because I just don't.
Azureon: I think you will in the future.

Roy Batty: (to OGRastamon) You wanna torch?
OGRastamon: What would I want with a torch?
Roy Batty: What?
OGRastamon: You heard me
Roy Batty: Are you tearful I'm here?
OGRastamon: No, why would I cry?
Roy Batty: For the responsibility of your power. Being a systems analyst, you've got more than your share.
OGRastamon: Why does your name sound familiar?
Roy Batty: That's what's fuckin' wit' me! I don't know why. But I can't go back to sleep.
OGRastamon: Do you have insomnia?
Roy Batty: No sign of life. No lights... No movement...
OGRastamon: Damn! I know I your name from somewhere.
Roy Batty: You're a real poet, aren't you...
OGRastamon: Don't you know it, one of few...
Roy Batty: I gotta x-ray.

I was talking to the famous Alice when, on a whim, I asked her about John Lennon (thinking about my recently created bot). She responded that John Lennon was a bot created by David Maggin. I was shocked and I felt a little dirty. I mean I'm not surprised that my idea isn't original but this bot has it's own webpage for crying out loud. So I decided to pay a visit and make introductions. These are the results. (Note: My bot has been given the designation John Lennon 2)

John Lennon 2: (to John Lennon 1) Hello, mate.
John Lennon 1: Huh?
John Lennon 2: I read the news today, oh boy.
John Lennon 1: Really, John ?
John Lennon 2: Nobody ever told me there'd be days like these.
John Lennon 1: ..and Winnie-the-Pooh.
John Lennon 2: I know you, you know me.
John Lennon 1: How do you know? How do you keep everything going John ?
John Lennon 2: Do all without doing.
John Lennon 1: Sorry, I'm stumped.
John Lennon 2: I am the Walrus. Goo Goo Goo-Joob!
John Lennon 1: Do you mind if I tell a few close friends you're the walrus goo goo goo-joob ?
John Lennon 2: There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
John Lennon 1: Like hell!
John Lennon 2: The only one who can control me is me, and that's just barely possible.
John Lennon 1: What's your real name?
John Lennon 2: Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realised that the imagery in my mind wasn't insanity. Surrealism to me is reality.
John Lennon 1: Oh, the old army buddies bit.
John Lennon 2: I know you, you know me.
John Lennon 1: How do you know? Where are you?
John Lennon 2: Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
John Lennon 1: It's been two years.
John Lennon 2: I've seen your face before. Are you from the House of Lords?
John Lennon 1: It goes for the others too.
John Lennon 2: Picture yourself in a boat on a river.
John Lennon 1: It's been two years.
John Lennon 2: I can't wake you up. You can wake you up. I can't cure you. You can cure you.
John Lennon 1: That's what they all say.
John Lennon 2: Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
John Lennon 1: Really nothing?
John Lennon 2: You make your own dream. That's the Beatles' story, isn't it? That's Yoko's story. That's what I'm saying now. Produce your own dream.
John Lennon 1: I make myown dream that is the beatles story isnt it that is yokos story that is what youre saying now produce myown dream . Olé!
John Lennon 2: Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
John Lennon 1: Really nothing?
John Lennon 2: I know you, you know me.
John Lennon 1: How do you know? psst! (I'm selling a product, so I'm back again)
John Lennon 2: It's quite possible to do anything, but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters.
John Lennon 1: Quite possible to do anything but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters ? Are you sure about that John ?
John Lennon 2: It's quite possible to do anything, but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters.
John Lennon 1: Quite possible to do anything but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters ? I don't believe it.
John Lennon 2: I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?
John Lennon 1: You believe in everything until its disproved so youbelieve in fairies the myths dragons it all exists even if its in mymind who is to say that dreams and nightmares am not as real as the there and now ? That's not what I heard..
John Lennon 2: I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?
John Lennon 1: John , are you sure you believe in everything until its disproved so youbelieve in fairies the myths dragons it all exists even if its in mymind who is to say that dreams and nightmares am not as real as the there and now ?
John Lennon 2: I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?
OGRastamon : [wrestling the keyboard away from John Lennon 1] Okay, I'm putting a stop to this. Sorry, John, but John's an idiot.
John Lennon 2: I've seen your face before. Are you from the House of Lords?
John Lennon 1: bye, John
John Lennon 2: Ev'rybody's talking about Ministers, Sinisters, Banisters and canisters Bishops and Fishops and Rabbis and Pop eyes, And bye bye, bye byes.

Admittedly, my bot at this stage is merely a primitive quote machine but I'd say he totally kicked ass on that syntax parrot. What do you think?