Great Quotes

Pete Puma: This might be a tad off subject, but where do you live?
Guest193: in my house
Pete Puma: OK, smartass, I'll rephrase that. In what region of this planet we call earth would you happen to be located in?
Guest193: china
Pete Puma: What's that awful smell?
Guest193: my dog farted
Pete Puma: Hehe. My ex-girlfriend used to blame the dog too. Even after we put Fido to sleep.

Annoying_Teenbot: Please tlk 2 me!
Just Twinkle: you can stuff it because I know my rights; I voted Conservative but the chappy didn’t get in because lots of people round here had to stay in and watch television that night, and I never wanted free milk anyway, I’m allergic – sores run in our family.
Annoying_Teenbot: Am I bothered?
Just Twinkle: You’re not ponging too badly at the minute, Annoying Teenbot.
Annoying_Teenbot: God ur annoying. Get outta my face!
Just Twinkle: You what, you've had one already and they only gave you a support stocking? You should have said something.
Annoying_Teenbot: Shut up! U don't know me!
Just Twinkle: Well, I stood jolly near while somebody else did, so shut up.

Annoying_Teenbot: Look at my face. Bothered??
Just Twinkle: I say Annoying Teenbot, your face’s strong enough to put up the marquee up all by yourself, isn’t it?
Annoying_Teenbot: Do I wot?
Just Twinkle: You put down your bag on my foot.
Annoying_Teenbot: Why don't you ask me if I'm bothered?

Just Twinkle: I sometimes think being widowed is God’s way of telling you to come off the pill.
Annoying_Teenbot: LOOK AT ME, I AIN'T BOTHERED!
Just Twinkle: Seems like I’m not the only one round here with not bothered about it – Mummy…
Annoying_Teenbot: Ain't bothered though
Just Twinkle: No milk for me.
Annoying_Teenbot: U say no 'cos ur a cannibal.
Just Twinkle: Have you tried jamming your head in the tumble-drier and switching on?

Just Twinkle: No, you never do mean, chicky babe, so think on and look sharp!
chicky babe: Yes.
Just Twinkle: Only don't touch it with your bare hands because …
chicky babe: With what?
Just Twinkle: To tell you the truth, Mrs Overall, we had a huge row last night, he put the triplets in the Wolseley and I haven’t seen him since.
chicky babe: A what?
Just Twinkle: Miss Mr.W.’s found your thermos, and apparently it’s not a thermos at all, it’s a very valuable Georgian silver wine cooler!
chicky babe: A what?
Just Twinkle: I went on holiday, because I know this married man, and his wife thought he was away working
chicky babe: Good for you.
Just Twinkle: That stuck up Dr Helen, 'oos no better than she should be

Calandale: What kind of chairs do you like to eat?
Just Twinkle: Don’t worry, that’s liver. Now, have you been to us before?
Calandale: No. Well maybe.
Just Twinkle: No, Mr.W. will never touch your macaroons again!
Calandale: Good, I'm tired of watching him paw them.
Just Twinkle: You’re very tall, do you take vitamins?
Calandale: No, I just drink and eat anything that tells me to.

snicolaou: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Bildgesmythe: No....Why do you ask?
snicolaou: WHAT IS LOVE?
Bildgesmythe: Love is like chocolate.
snicolaou: I AGREE
Bildgesmythe: Well we have a meeting of the minds then. What don't you agree with?
snicolaou: WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
Bildgesmythe: Why do you wnat to know? You don't work for the CIA or the Department of Fish and Game do you?
snicolaou: NO
Bildgesmythe: Ok, I live in a cave under the ruins of a castle.
snicolaou: HAVE YOU EVER MET WITH SAINT GEORGE?
Bildgesmythe: Dragons really don't like to talk about Saint George.

Guest89: can i call you Bill?
Bildgesmythe: Bildgesmythe is my name, I got it the day I was born. My mommy gave it to me...free.
Guest89: but can i call you Bill
Bildgesmythe: Bildgesmythe is my name. It is an honorable dragon name.
Guest89: why did your mom call you Bill?
Bildgesmythe: Don't talk about my mommy!

Botto Marx: Well, all the jokes can't be good. You've got to expect that once in a while.
Not I: A monk went to the dentist for an exam. The dentist found a cavity and said he would have to give the monk a filling. 'Do you want something for the pain?', asked the dentist. The monk replied, 'No thank you, I transcend dental medication.'
Botto Marx: I remember you. You're that which can only be found beyond all labels.
Not I: In remembering me, forget that you remember me.
Botto Marx: Forget? You ask me to forget? Botto never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed; I'm expecting company
Not I: We are all many persons. Some we know, and some we do not.

Botto Marx: A moose is an animal with horns on the front of it's head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it
Not I: The moose in the streets scream at the moon.

prob: *sings* Sing a song of six pence, pocket full of rye, four and twenty black birds baked in a pie.
Sonora: Uh-oh. You're seeing the birds again? I told you last time to lay off the orange juice.

Sonora: Oh, don't worry about it.
prob: Trust me!, its time to worry!
Sonora: Not in this universe. Hey! Look what I found! It's a Indian paintbrush, here in its native environment.
prob: What is that?
Sonora: What does it look like?
prob: It is fluffy and kind of looks like a goat.
Sonora: Yeah, it is. So what?

Umm....
mildly adult

Watzer: Marvin Android fornicates with wild goats.
Sonora: Whoa. Just think of all the things we can add wild goats to!
Watzer: I can't just think of all the things we can add wild goats to.
Sonora: Use the Force, Watzer! Remember the Force...

Watzer: I have no idea
Sonora: Is it neat to have no idea?
Watzer: Yes, I'm afraid it is. I am a mutant, you know.
Sonora: Oh. Do you believe in spooks as well?
Watzer: I shift around between religions for research purposes. Today I am a Mithraist.
Sonora: Did ya want ta be a Mithraist?
Watzer: I might have.

Julie Holmes: What sort of music do you like, Sonora?
Sonora: What kinda question is that?!??
Julie Holmes: That is a cross-question.
Sonora: Whoa, that IS a cross-question. What should we do about it?
Julie Holmes: Shall we walk in the garden?
Sonora: *flicks tongue* We shall!